"Who's your crush, Caprice?" I didn't have an answer. Since I was in the 2nd grade, rocking a buzz cut and rainbow dash hoodie, my peers made it clear that I was an outcast. However, the one thing anyone bothered to talk to me about was, of course, the subject that 2nd Graders were most definitely knowledgeable about: love. So, when little girls pried as to who I was fond of, I chose a boy and rolled with it. It wasn't until I was 11 years old that I realized that those feelings could actually be real, not just pretend gossip on the playground. Puberty hit hard and the discovery that I was pansexual hit harder. I knew very early on that my attraction towards others wasn't based on gender. For the most part, I was very comfortable with this newfound aspect of my identity and embraced it as I continued to grow up. However, when I was 13, I spent my 8th grade year-- fresh out of the Covid-19 Pandemic-- at a Christian private school. Here, my sexuality seemed to matter a lot more to other people than in my previous online communities. Here, feeling attracted to anyone outside of the opposite sex was a sin. Although I was not bullied, I was further casted out. Once, a peer walked up to me and asked if it was true that I was pansexual, and after honestly answering him, he simply said "I can't talk to you anymore." The interaction itself was civil and respectful, but the feeling of being different was deeply ingrained in me from that moment on. My particular friend group was made up of fellow LGBTQ+ outsiders who seemed to lead double lives, torn between being openly out and keeping the peace in their religious environment. When school began to smother individuality in favor of cookie-cutter molds meant to uphold Christian ideals, while ignoring the emotional outbursts of students as a result, I knew my education was growing toxic. To keep our individuality alive, my friends and I would write--primarily original stories, but admittedly fan fiction of our favorite LGBTQ+ characters as well. Through writing down my thoughts when it felt too suffocating to speak them out loud, I was able to find my unique voice and keep my spark alive in a culture that strived to put that spark out. Each original character has a piece of me within them, and through writing their story, I express my own. Even when I left that school and began public high school, that creative outlet stuck with me and became what I now know to be my passion. Years of storytelling later, creative writing has quite literally kept me sane and sure of myself in such an unstable, chaotic world. It is the most useful tool I have to compose my thoughts, communicate effectively with others, and express myself in a profoundly emotional and poetic way. That is why it disheartens me so much to see the literacy rates in American youth decline so dramatically. I wish to pursue writing as a career not just because it is my personal passion, but to share that joy and give that verbal power to others as well. In my future career as an editor and author, I hope to contribute to the efforts of re-popularizing reading and creating writing opportunities for youth across the nation.

A little girl with a buzz cut and Rainbow Dash hoodie stares at the daunting shapes in her book. She knows that they’re supposed to be letters strung together into words, but they’re packed with meanings that she cannot decipher. She squints her eyes but it is no use. She still has absolutely no idea what they mean. “Caprice, please read the next sentence out loud.” Her teacher calls out once more. She hears other little girls from her table group giggling. Her eyes flicker around the room, silently screaming for help, but no help is given. When her eyes finally travel back to the ink on the page, the shapes are no longer letters. They’ve transformed into monsters instead. However, she knows there’s no escaping her fate in this dreadful classroom. So, with tears welling in her eyes and fear nestling in her throat, she forces the struggling words past her lips. “The…” The memory fades. That little girl in the second grade, unable to read and who spoke in a lisp, would ironically become who I am today: both a lover and contributor of literature. As someone who has always had an overactive imagination, I was desperate to find a creative release–because just stimming wasn’t going to cut it–and I was fortunate enough to get over my school-induced fear of words by taking the more unconventional approach of online roleplaying and Warrior Cats fanfiction. Despite its reputation of being “cringe,” I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because of the silly endeavors of my childhood, I have found a life-long soulmate in the art of storytelling. The reasoning behind my adoration for writing stories can ultimately be boiled down to one word: identity. All teenagers are on a constant, epic coming-of-age quest of their own, tasked with grasping their unique identity and understanding their place in the world. Although I acknowledge I have much to learn about myself, I firmly believe that through the nine years I have spent scribbling down my thoughts, grand ideas, and abundant feelings, I have found a sense of confidence in who I am as a person. This is a drastic transformation from the fearful and uncertain little girl in second grade that I once was. I have projected bits of myself into the character arcs of my protagonists, fantasized about the world I wish to see through the vast fictional ones I’ve created in my mind, and woven my core principles into my plots. With each story, I grow more sure of myself, and grow more sure of the stories I create in turn. I am beyond excited to continue improving my creative writing skills and explore the complexities of great literature when I attend university. Apart from my studies, I intend on dedicating myself to completing the first draft of the fantasy novel I am currently writing. I have also selected my top universities based on their student-run newspapers and literary journals, which I aspire to become editors for so that I may continue gaining experience in my chosen career path of editing at a publishing house. However, these are all tangible goals that reflect my much broader desire to help other little girls and boys discover who they are. With rapidly decreasing literacy rates in American youth–which might go hand-in-hand with an apparent decrease in empathy and independent thinking–I am determined to revive a love for literature in children through unconventional methods similar to the ones that fostered my own love: making reading fun.