The term “Mental Health” is a catch all phrase for a deeply complex range of conditions, from the unnoticeable to extremely self or other destructive. But there is one tool that can help many of those who are dealing with the impacts that can manifest as mental illness. That one thing is listening. Listening is a skill set that has slipped from most social interaction. Usually we hear that which suits our own personal needs, agree with the people who fit nicely into our own confirmation bias, and meet others as necessary to resolve the issues between us. What I am referring to is a skill that may be best described as compassionate communication. It begins by actively creating a heart centered relationship with the person that you are speaking with, then you “listen with your eyes.” It’s important to be compassionate and empathetic, setting aside the need to respond too quickly with suggestions or advice. Helping them navigate through their struggles with questions such as, “What do you want instead?” Or, “What would make life more wonderful?” Encouraging them to look inward for the strength they have to confront the issues they’re struggling with. Mental health professionals use these skills to establish relationships with their clients, some of them will find rapid success with little more treatment. Some, of course require a greater degree of help. I have learned that many times, people really just need an empathetic, listening ear to release the building dissonance inside. It’s something that anyone can do, and it’s something that we all need sometimes. Without it, internal stress can build to a point that it may then manifest as an identifiable mental health issue. Early identification and intervention is the most effective way to help others avoid the struggle with mental health issues.

I married at 18 years of age, and although there was love and companionship, there was insufficient skill to raise a family, and after raising two daughters and 22 years of marriage, we divorced. For the next 18 years we went our separate ways. Each of us remarried and divorced, and spent time in the aloneness. We found, through other relationships and a lot of time contemplating our needs, a path to heal our childhood wounds. Time, circumstances, and the cosmos brought us back together again. We recognized the good qualities that brought us together in the first place, but we had learned how to heal separately. But most importantly, we each found the ability to love ourselves. That happiness is held within, and you can only love another as much as you can love yourself. We spent a lot of time together remembering the good things of our life, our successes, our grown children, our families and friends, and in doing so, decided that we could really make a new marriage work with the skills we have learned. It’s been seven years since we got back together. And we learn and grow together more each day. We draw on our own strengths and support each other in our struggles. I can accurately say that each day is better than the day before. The lives that we have shared together and separately will provide a substantial bank of experience that will be of benefit to those who I will work with in the future.

I am retired, but I’m not tired. In 1975 after being married and having one child I joined the Army. In the Army, I was an armor crewman, serving as a loader, gunner and tank commander. After leaving the military, I worked as a security guard, a police officer, an assembler with a firearms manufacturer, and a real estate agent. None of those occupations lit a spark within me. I returned to Dixie State College and graduated Cum Laude with an Associates Degree in Architectural Drafting Technology in 1988. I opened my own company and ran it until my retirement in 2015. I noticed that towards the end of my career, I had clients coming in to spend as much time speaking of the struggles in their lives as they were talking about their projects. They found me a compassionate and empathetic listener, and the thoughts I shared were well received. I am now pursuing a degree in Psychology, with the eventual outcome of a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I want to reduce some of the suffering that I see in the world around me. My personal journey tells me that it’s possible, and I can be the compassionate support that’s needed. Being retired, we are on a limited and fixed income, and the financial burden of college will stretch us past the limit. I estimate that I may have fifteen to twenty good years where I may be of service to others as they navigate through this difficult world we live in.

Happiness eluded me for most of my life, I was constantly focused on doing the next thing; hiking, rock climbing, cross country skiing, canoeing. . . . And I found that the happiness associated with my activities lasted as long as the activity. Inevitably the happiness would fade, and the moments would drift off into obscurity. I shifted focus to getting things, new equipment, new stuff to fill my hollow spaces, not yet understanding that the emptiness was inside, and not on the shelf I tried to fill. Again the happiness of acquisition was soon replaced by longing. It took many years to realize that happiness is not something that exists outside of you. When you look for it there, it becomes as fleeting as the moment, or until your toy is no longer shiny. After years of searching, (I’m 66 now) I have come to understand that happiness is something that you are. That feeling of contented fullness comes from gratitude. It comes from connecting with others around you with compassion and empathy. Being in this moment, and not bringing anxiety from the unknown, or regret of the past into present awareness. It comes from being in a state of, as Ram Dass put it, Loving Awareness. I now find that the glow of happiness always abides with me. I have still had difficulties in my life, my parents passing, friends and family death, a global pandemic, teetering on the brink of World War III, but still, as I actively create heart centered relationships, I find that deep inside, calm and still as a pool on a soft morning, my happiness sits, smiling each moment.

About thirty-five years ago, after a substantially depressing time of my life, I was at a library book sale, and came across the book, “Seekers of the Healing Energy” edited by Mary Coddington. I was immediately intrigued with the idea that the wisdom of the ancient peoples of the world is still alive in the world today. I read of the “miraculous” experiences of the Hawaiian Kahunas, the aboriginal elders of the outback of Australia and the shamans from indigenous societies around the world, their commonalities and their apparent interconnectedness. I began to study the ancient traditions of the Kahunas then quickly came to understand the modern western mindset overlaying the existing collection of ancient wisdom. I broadened my search. It was through a set of serendipitous events that lead me to becoming a Shaman in the ancient Q’ero traditions of the Andes Mountains in Peru. When the Spanish came to the new world, the Q’eros (the Incan priest class) were warned in prophecy to leave the lowlands and head to the high mountains before the arrival of Pizarro. There they remained in seclusion and ceremony until they were “discovered” in 1949. Since then there has been a revival of the ancient wisdom preserved for almost 500 years in the oral traditions of the Q’ero. I have been a practice Shaman for almost 20 years now, and I have come to realize that to support these traditional teachings a more ordered approach is more suitable for our culture. I am currently enrolled in the Psychology program at Dixie State University with the goal of a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. To think it all started with a book pulled from circulation because of low readership.

I have been working with the Heartwalk Foundation for the last 7 years to help bring vital skills and support to the Q’ero people of Peru. Living in the high Andes Mountains above 10,000 feet, the living conditions for the Q’ero’s are severe. The foundation has helped build classrooms, greenhouses, stocked fish in their high mountain lakes, bought alpacas and llamas, built sanitary facilities and provides continued support for the aged in their communities that are no longer able to support themselves. In the foundation’s support, I have volunteered hundreds of hours, given in-kind donations and have financially supported their efforts. One of the things I specifically do is; I produce Floral Spirit Water. This is an item traditionally used in sacred ceremony. The flowers are collected from natural sources, depending on the season. I collect from sites ranging from Death Valley, across the southwest deserts, to the high mountains in the summer. The flowers are collected during the day of, the day before, and the day after the new moon. Then for the next moon cycle, the flower essences are extracted in an ethanol solution, then during the second full moon (about six weeks) the extraction is blended with filtered rainwater and bottled, labeled and sealed. This difficult to obtain product is then gifted to the foundation to sell on their website, with 100% of the proceeds going to support the Q’ero people. Shaman’s across the country, and indeed, around the world have purchased the Floral Spirit Water to be used in their sacred ceremonies. We are only going to survive as a species if we can learn to see each other as inextricably connected. This is one of the ways I can help with the needs of others.

I married at 18 years of age, and although there was love and companionship, there was insufficient skill to raise a family, and after raising two daughters and 22 years of marriage, we divorced. For the next 18 years we went our separate ways. Each of us remarried and divorced, and spent time in the aloneness. We found, through other relationships and a lot of time contemplating our needs, a path to heal our childhood wounds. Time, circumstances, and the cosmos brought us back together again. We recognized the good qualities that brought us together in the first place, but we had learned how to heal separately. We spent a lot of time together remembering the good things of our life, our successes, our grown children, our families and friends, and in doing so, decided that we could really make a new marriage work with the skills we have learned. It’s been seven years since we got back together. And we learn and grow together more each day. We draw on our own strengths and support each other in our struggles. I can accurately say that each day is better than the day before. The lives that we have shared together and separately will provide a substantial bank of experience that will be of benefit to those who I will work with in the future.

It has become increasingly evident that the ability for civil discourse within our society is becoming more difficult to achieve. The forbidden topics have expanded from politics and religion to; medicine, science, sports, economics and about any social interaction. Artificial intelligence algorithms select for our confirmation biases, widening the gap beyond that which may be easily bridged. We are taught to fight for our rights, and by extension, our opinions. What we are not taught, is how to support one another in our growth processes. I propose a required course that teaches basic compassionate communication skills. How to listen to an opinion that may be different than yours, how to state your opinion without making the other wrong. Teaching how to inquire with curiosity and seek understanding rather than needing to “win” every discussion. Approaching one another with empathy and compassion we can hear each other’s authentic needs. By setting aside the competitive nature of modern communication and moving more towards a cooperative model, this would strengthen our communities and our world as a whole.

Since my retirement I have completed a multiple year long program to become a shamanic practitioner. Although this training has given me a battery of skills to work with people in resolving their life issues, I have begun to understand that the skills I learned are different from the things that our western perspective needs in mental health and healing. I see clients regularly and I have been given a clear understanding that most would benefit from a more formal experience. I have a deep love for my clients, I meet them with compassion and empathy. I am seeking a masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy to better serve the people I connect with.

I am retired, but I’m not tired. I spent most of my life in the civil engineering consulting arena, but noticed that towards the end of my career, I had clients coming in to spend as much time speaking of the struggles in their lives as they were talking about their projects. They found me a compassionate and empathetic listener, and the thoughts I shared were well received. I am now pursuing a degree in Psychology, with the eventual outcome of a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. Being retired, we are on a limited and fixed income, and the financial burden of college will stretch us past the limit. I estimate that I may have fifteen to twenty good years where I may be of service to others as they navigate through this difficult world we live in. I want to reduce some of the suffering that I see in the world around me. My personal journey tells me that it’s possible, and I can be the compassionate support that’s needed.