Three years ago now as of March 29th my ex and I were greeted in the front yard by private detectives. We were then notified that my ex's younger sister was shot in the head and was now in a coma at Banner hospital. We were getting ready to celebrate my 26th birthday. A week later we were getting ready to move her to hospice care but were instead notified by hospital staff that she had passed. My ex had shut down after losing his best friend. It then fell on me to keep the house going and take on care of the youngest sister of the siblings. Investigators told us that they believed it was accidental suicide and the autopsy was ruled undetermined. Everything just continued to fall apart. Then July of 2020 I attempted to take my own life. This was an eye-opening moment for me and terrified the crap out of me. I had finally reached the lowest of my lows and this is something I still regret to this day. My ex and I then split as of May the following year and a week later I found out I was pregnant. I told myself I would never let my son take on the burdens and traumas. While I was with my ex, he would constantly tell me how stupid I was and how I have accomplished nothing without him. I started therapy and made my mental health my priority. I started going to church again and discovered my spirituality. When I found out I was pregnant I told myself I would give my son every opportunity I never had. As a single mom though, that is going to be very difficult. I was always taught that in my learning, I will gain freedom. If I can learn a new skill or trait, I can then transfer that skill into a wage and eventually time. The journey has not been easy. I still struggle from time to time with my self-worth, but my experience and loss showed me the importance of actually living every day like it may be your last. Taking pictures of every moment and cherishing every laugh, cry, hug, and word said. I look at my son and see his tia every day. I look at my littlest sister and see my aunt's joy. I've learned to love every hummingbird, butterfly, and sunflower that crosses my path. We can either roll over and let life beat us to the ground, or we can learn the value of every breath. I made an effort to learn from those around me. Hearing about overdoses and death is nothing new to me, however, because of my familiarity, I will do everything I can to show my son how to live and truly be happy. If I accomplish anything in this world, it's knowing that I am leaving everything I can to my son so that he can be successful and pursue every joy he can in his life.

March 8th also marks the 11-year anniversary of my aunt's heroin overdose. Fast forward a few years, three years ago now as of March 29th my ex and I were greeted in the front yard by private detectives. We were then notified that my ex's younger sister was shot in the head and was now in a coma at Banner hospital. We were getting ready to celebrate my 26th birthday. A week later we were getting ready to move her to hospice care but were instead notified by hospital staff that she had passed. My ex had shut down after losing his best friend. It then fell on me to keep the house going and take on care of the youngest sister of the siblings. Investigators told us that they believed it was accidental suicide and the autopsy was ruled undetermined. Everything just continued to fall apart. I Then July of 2020 I attempted to take my own life. This was an eye-opening moment for me and terrified the crap out of me. I had finally reached the lowest of my lows and this is something I still regret to this day. My ex and I then split as of May the following year and a week later I found out I was pregnant. I told myself I would never let my son take on the burdens and traumas. I started therapy and made my mental health my priority. I started going to church again and discovered my spirituality. The journey has not been easy. I still struggle from time to time with my self-worth, but my experience and loss showed me the importance of actually living every day like it may be your last. Taking pictures of every moment and cherishing every laugh, cry, hug, and word said. I look at my son and see his tia every day. I look at my littlest sister and see my aunt's joy. I've learned to love every hummingbird, butterfly, and sunflower that crosses my path. We can either roll over and let life beat us to the ground, or we can learn the value of every breath. A few months ago I was sitting with my cousin and we were talking about her mom's overdose. She told me that she doesn't remember her mother and that she was angry with her father for not being there. I couldn't help but be sad because my aunt's laugh was contagious and she loved her daughter with all her heart. We can remind my cousin of this fact, but it will never make up for the fact that she lost that experience. I still talk to my son's other tia's to check in and they are still in so much pain every day because they don't know how to let go of the anger. I made an effort to learn from those around me. Hearing about overdoses and death is nothing new to me, however, because of my familiarity, I will do everything I can to show my son how to live and truly be happy. If I accomplish anything in this world, it's knowing that I am leaving while having made my son laugh every day, catered to every cut or bruise, and taught him to pursue everything that makes him happy.