The field I am studying is music and I am extremely passionate about it because it is an art intended to make someone feel a singular emotion or a mixture of emotions through the words being sung or spoken and the music in the background to support and tell a story. It is a piece of work meant to be analyzed to find deeper meanings and different interpretations. It is a medium that is meant to be shared with others and to connect with a community of people who are itching to share a story from personal experiences through music. Above all, it is a career worth pursuing because it allows people to be inspired and not worry about the limitations many people believe to have. I plan to become a music composer for the film industry as well as an independent composer and music producer to share my work. My overall purpose in the world is to make a difference through my career by inspiring people to pursue their dreams as well as a career in the performing arts regardless of limitations. As someone who was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, I often found it difficult to share my feelings openly about certain situations and instead kept them to myself and myself alone. Music has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. It started as a hobby as I sang along to Disney songs and learned how to play the recorder in elementary school. I remember the elementary school recitals I would perform in with my class and my mother would sit in the audience and film them. At the time, it was a simple hobby that I enjoyed doing. When I reached the end of my elementary school career, I joined the school's band and played the trombone for the first time. I remember some of my female classmates, most of whom were flutists or clarinet players, were a little puzzled or intimidated by me that I would choose a big, brassy instrument. It was the true start of my music journey, albeit a small start, but at the time, I did not find a true reason why I wanted to pursue music in the first place. Throughout the eight years I was in band, I went on tours and competed in state band with my high school. I tried out marching band for the very first time, competed and performed, sang in the choir, and marched for the Veteran's Day parade. The spark for pursuing music as a career ignited when I wrote the end title for a short film that I wrote and directed with my friends during my senior year of high school. From then on, I was called the residential music guru of my film group and that to me was a great honor. I have since worked on four out of five feature films and several short films with an independent film company in my hometown and am currently teaching at a music school to help young students dive into the world of music. I have three tracks currently released and plan to make more in hopes of sharing with the world and connecting with people. Music to me is something that is meant to invoke emotion, be shared with others, be interpreted in different ways, and most importantly, inspire others to not worry about the limitations they have and pursue their dream.

The arts are very important to me because they are created to allow the expression of oneself and share their stories, whether they are overcoming adversity, wanting to find a purpose in life, or aspiring to become a role model and inspiration many people admire and aspire to be. For me, music is my preferred medium as it has been part of my childhood and has since helped shape my identity, connect with like-minded individuals, and create stories for generations to tell. But most importantly, it helped me find my purpose in life and share my story. The journey to pursuing the arts, especially music, as a career was not a smooth road as there were many obstacles and roadblocks. Before I started diving into the arts as a potential career, I was a little girl with autism who merely got into music as a hobby. I grew up watching cartoons and Disney movies, frequently singing along to very popular songs in the 2000s and 2010s. All the while, I was undergoing teasing and bullying because my peers did not understand what was wrong with me, therefore they tried to "fix" me. Because of that, I developed low self-esteem and anxiety, the latter not being a diagnosed condition or a chemical imbalance. When I joined my school's band and choir programs, my interest in music grew. However, music was still a hobby to me because I initially wanted to pursue acting after seeing child actors on TV. It was not until my senior year of high school that I began to take music seriously after writing the end title for a short film I wrote and directed for a small film company that was created by my friends. At the beginning of my college year, I still stuck to the theatre major because acting for stage and film was still my hyperfixation, but after being convinced by friends, family, and teachers while also seeing that an acting job was not as stable, I switched my major to music and looked into music composition as a potential career. But at the time, I did not have an idea of why I truly decided to pursue music. As I began building my career and pursuing higher education, I underwent various roadblocks and obstacles that made my journey harder. They included the tragic passing of my godfather/uncle, the COVID-19 pandemic, and working for a company with a volatile and toxic environment and unethical practices. They made significant negative impacts on my social life, my emotional capacity, and my mental health. Music helped me relax and cope with the negative parts of reality and allowed me to relate to other artists who used this medium as an escape or to save their lives. Speaking as someone who is on the autism spectrum, I was able to reflect on my past which was a time I did not understand why I was built as I am. In doing so, I realized my purpose in life: to impact others positively by inspiring them to pursue the arts regardless of limitations.

From the moment I started speaking, I have always been a fan of Disney movies. I would continuously sing along to their most popular songs, repeat memorable quotes, and always dream about going to Disneyland and Walt Disney World because the parks are "the most magical places in the world". During high school, I got the opportunity to go to Disneyland with my high school band and participate with the people of the Disney Performing Arts Program. We recreated some of the songs from multiple soundtracks such as "The Lion King", "Emperor's New Groove", and "Tangled". We also recreated the intro sequences from "Thor: The Dark World" and the classic castle intro. When it comes to the messages that Disney movies provided, the one thing about Disney that stuck out to me the most was how "Mulan" challenged the gender binary and societal norms by having someone cross-dress as a man and enlist in the Imperial Army instead of finding a perfect suitor and providing children for her future husband. It was a way for Disney to break out of their classical mold of Disney princesses acting as the damsels in distress and having to rely on a handsome prince to save the day. It is not unheard of that women are fighting for equality and being treated the same way as men, but are constantly demeaned, objectified, and hypersexualized in industries that are male-dominated. Mulan did not like the idea that men were only selected to be drafted into the Imperial army and that they will honor their families by being heroic whereas women only bring honor to their families through marriage. When she saw that her father, who battled in the past, is ailing, she took the opportunity to take his place because he would have died had he enlisted. Even after her deception is revealed, she was still honored by the people of China for saving them from the Huns, and forever recognized her as a warrior, earning her place in society. Mulan was a representation of a normal woman who has ambitious dreams and hopes while also embracing her true self. The song "Reflection" also reflects the message of embracing your true self throughout its lyrics. The film is a representation of fighting for equality and belonging in society while also embracing who you are as a person. It reaches out to not only women, which the film initially targeted, but also reaches to many other communities who faced oppression such as BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and the neurodivergent, the latter two communities that I have a personal vestment in.

I am a first-generation college student with big ambitions and aspirations in creating music for the sake of storytelling and inspiring people to go forth with their creative pursuits regardless of their limitations. I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and have been since I was 18 months old. I did not speak until I was three years old. I dealt with sensory issues, emotional outbursts from sudden changes and breaks in routines, unusual mood changes, and excessive stress and anxiety. On many occasions, I would hyperfixate on certain interests and become obsessed with them for a while. For a time, I was bullied by my peers because they did not understand what was "wrong" with me and they tried to "fix" me. When I was younger, I was exposed to media that featured children as actors and I wanted to be like them. Then I joined theatre and for a long time, I dreamed about being an actor and being on TV. When I switched my major to music because of learning that there are deeper meanings to songs, a spark ignited and I wanted the reason that I create was for the purpose of standing out. I am the only person in my family that is pursuing a college career. My mom and dad were in college before they both dropped out due to becoming parents or losing the drive to continue. I, on the other hand, have the drive and determination to finish no matter how long it takes me and what obstacles stand in my way. I work extremely hard in school while tackling my life at home, a part-time that does not pay exceptionally well, and working with a film group that was formed by my friends. I put so much pressure on myself to the point where I become obsessed with my goals because I wish to make my family proud by doing something that they did not get the opportunity to do. I would use the money to continue to put myself through school and also use it to gain the tools I need to improve my skills and enhance my creations to create a product that I am most proud of. I do not wish to put out a product that sounds good but I am not proud and vice versa. I want to be able to put out something that I am proud of, that is audibly appealing to the listeners, captures them, and that people can analyze to find a deeper meaning.

The song "I Was Here" by Beyonce is the most important message because it reflects a past filled with vulnerability and struggle and projects a longing to leave an impact on the world before one life comes to an end. The music video shows Beyonce performing the song while images of people performing humanitarian work are projected on the screen behind her. The song is aimed at sharing the message of doing something good for another person or for a whole community. "I Was Here" was motivated by the September 11 attacks in 2001. For me, "I Was Here" served as a motivator of wanting to impact a person or a whole community of people who are often misunderstood or shadowed by society's expectations. As someone who is on the autistic spectrum, I struggle with trying to do good without my disability being pointed out by others. Instead, I use this knowledge to make my mark in the music industry and inspire a community of people, local or global. The expression "make your mark" resonates with me daily, but I just have to remember that even small things can make a significant impact.

What Is Art? Art is subjective. Art is a subject. It is something that is taught Taught by a teacher or a parent Art is using pencil and paper To draw shapes and define them Art is using water and a brush To splash color onto a white canvas Could I be painting the sun? Or perhaps a tiny flower? Maybe a beautiful butterfly Flying through the skies? To the average Joe Art is objective. To every John or Jane Doe The artwork is all they see. But what values does art hold? Who holds art close to their hearts? What drives the artist from starving And squandering in poverty? From the sculpted hands of Michelangelo Came the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel Or the Last Judgment painted onto its walls. But that is only one example. From the poor mind of Vincent van Gogh Came the beauty of Starry Night. To the genius of Leonardo da Vinci And the rested fame of dear Mona Lisa. But art is not just one work. It is many works. Is it all just pencil and paper? No. Is it merely canvas and paint? No. Is art merely a medium for depicting Stories from God's tomes? No! Is art merely a way to put things on display And earn some sort of monetary value? No! Art is expressive. Art can be expressed by voice. It can be expressed by sound. It can be expressed by movement. From the plucking of the ivory keys To the picking of steel strings To the heart beating to a drum Even the whistling of a small bird. To the deaf ears of Beethoven Came the beauty of his symphonies To the child prestige of Mozart Came the wonder of the magic flute. But with every ounce of magic And beauty put into these pieces They don't just come from a world of light. But also a world of darkness. A world that is filled with pain A world filled with everlasting guilt With eternal sadness and betrayal And anger and with no way out People are expected to deal with it. They're expected to live through the pain Living every day suffering until Believing they have found a way to end it all. They truly believed that their suffering will end If they would quietly vanish, disappear Never to be seen or heard from again. But at what drastic cost? There is a light to overcome it all. There are many lights, waiting to flicker on You just reach for that switch. Reach it and turn the lights on. What is in front of you? Is it a pencil and paper Or a brush and canvas? Maybe a piano or drum? Is it a stage meant to be set Waiting for the velvet red curtains To reveal its glory And its players ready? What can you take away from this? What is the lesson that is meant to be shared? Is it shared with your family? A friend? Or someone who may feel they are nothing? Art is something that is taught Taught by family or friends. Art can be subjective. But art is in all of us.

I want to see more artistic opportunities for everybody in my community, the country, and the world. I act locally through filmmaking and music composition with my local film group called Spiderking Studios. We have worked with causes such as the Human Trafficking Coalition, Battered Person's Advocacy, Up2UsNow Youth Media Projects, and more. It is very important for people to express themselves artistically because it is a safer, cathartic way to cope with the stress of reality. Visual and performing arts is a form of escapism and expression because a story is being told through the means of another medium. Sadly, many schools heavily favor sports and other extracurricular programs that do not involve art, dance, music, and theatre. They are the people who do not realize that there are risks involved with participating in those activities. There are people who are aware of what they are signing up for but are too clouded in their pride to see the risks. For example, athletes are constantly at risk for physical injury outside and during competitions. In my high school, there was a lot of favoritism. Sports and other events held by leadership groups were highlighted consistently while those in the theater, art, and music department have to push harder to be recognized and promote their showcases, performances, and events. Favoritism can be very damaging because it makes someone feel that what they are doing is irrelevant and holds no value. For everyone in the visual and performing arts, we dedicate ourselves to the field because we are withholding our personal feelings and are finding ways to express them in a way that feels healthy, safe, and relieving. We also strive to make an impact on the next generation and other communities that are obfuscated and shunned because we are connecting with one another. Having more artistic opportunities for our youth as well as marginalized communities is a change I wish to see because the arts are a way to connect communities and people from all over the world due to the values that art holds.

I chose to pursue a degree in media or arts because they are methods to share stories and experiences while connecting and relating with people such as the LGBTQ+ community. There are people in that community who often internalize negative thoughts and think to themselves, "I do not belong in this world" or "Am I a bad person for loving another man, woman, or otherwise?" or "Am I really happy in my body or should I change because I am being told to?". Sadly, some end up taking their own lives because of those internalized thoughts and feelings. The arts and media are a way for us to help us cope and express who we are as people in a very creative but healthy and safe manner. I personally identify as pandemisexual and use feminine and gender-neutral pronouns. I came out to my friends. They did not care what I identified as or what pronouns I used because they still love me for who I am as a person. There is a level of acceptance and understanding that there are other people who accept me for what I identify as. There are people I have not come out to such as my family members because there is also a level of fear of being rejected or disowned by the people who raised you. Unfortunately, there are groups that belittle and condemn others for loving whoever they want, dressing however they want, and just being who they are. There have been death threats and it left them scared. In the arts and media, I usually tell stories through music because it is an art that is meant to be analyzed and interpreted by the listener to get a clear view or a vague idea of what messages or emotions are being conveyed. Music with lyrics usually has clear messages or double meanings for the listeners to analyze so that they try and relate to them. Instrumentations that do not have lyrics have multiple meanings, but they act as a visualizer for the mind. My career goals in music involve connecting people in different communities and inspiring them to pursue the arts regardless of limitations. Despite having come out as part of the LGBTQ+ community, my goals have not changed. Instead, they have expanded to be inclusive of other communities who feel they are not validated or are being marginalized. I consider the arts and media as a form of escapism from the harsh reality we are living in as well as a form of telling stories and sharing experiences to help validate others and themselves.

Dreams: The Good, The Bad, and the Humorously Strange What is a dream, many may ask? An otherworldly excuse to Escape a daily task? Or a wonderful world With secrets to unmask? What treasures and treacheries Does this wonderland keep? The only way to find out Is to drift off to sleep. At first, I see only black Not a creature nor person in sight. I call out to someone, no reply back. But in the distance, I see light. Though I see myself move My body and legs remain still I hear music, soon feeling the groove My body happily moves against its will. From black to white comes a world of colors A world made to excite and enchant Even the oldest and wisest of scholars Roads made of gold and emerald skies Laughter and cheer from young to old From rainbow flowers and butterflies Even the grumpiest couldn’t so much as scold A wonderful world truly to behold-- “Well, isn’t this a surprise?” Someone said with a voice ice cold And a twisted, friendly disguise They removed their face As their words dripped with venom All I could see was empty space Nothing but darkness and then some The skies soon became dark Black clouds blocking the light of the sun Their devilish grin, toothy as a shark Even with no face, they uttered, “Run.” And so I did. I tried to run fast, giving my body a tug But outside this changing nightmare My legs were very still and snug They sauntered, crept dangerously close I fell to my knees as if my body was drugged My eyes turned as I heard them boast, “Do you like to be hugged?” Before I could reply, I felt my body lift up high. We were staring eye to eye, My tears threatened to cry. I quickly reached to remove What I hoped to be a mask. With a single swift move, And I didn’t bother to ask, I completed the task. Who was behind the disguise, I thought? Was it something I made to make me distraught? To punish me for being caught? Or was there a lesson I haven’t been taught? The voice said to me In a strangely whimsical tone, From a body that was neither “he” nor “she” And a face that was unknown. “Because a hug is well-deserved After a day of being subserved Come with me to a place that’s reserved Where fun and reward will be served.” I quickly awoke from my slumber The words echoed in my head. My stomach rumbled with hunger So I shrugged my shoulders and left my bed. What came out of that dream, you might ask? Was it some play meant to be brought to the stage? Or did it remind me of some odd task? I never knew because this dream was Good, bad, and humorously strange.

I believe that a characteristic that I value the most in myself is the ability to adapt to new situations and environments because of how important it is to know what actions need to be taken when the rules suddenly change without any indication of a warning and how it helps improve the essential skills needed to learn about the world around you such as work ethic, communication, and social comprehension. As someone who was diagnosed with autism, the sudden changes were very difficult for me, especially with early life events such as my parents getting divorced, my siblings being born, moving houses, and switching schools. As a kid, I was unable to fully comprehend why these things happen and in the way that they do. I have been told to just "go with the flow" or "move on" without explanation or being told that I would not understand. When I graduated high school, I learned that I should not always depend heavily on my parents even though they would help me from time to time and do things for myself. But that required adapting to the world of adulthood and developing new skills needed to live as an adult. That, on its own, would be difficult, but I knew I had to try. When I first started college and started my first job, I had to adapt to tackling school and work at the same time while also dealing with some unruly strangers as well as personal things at home. But it was not all cracks on the road and dangers up ahead. Adapting to a work environment allowed me to develop a work ethic and the skills that came along with it. It allowed me to connect with people, in and out of the workplace, and improve some of my communication and social skills as well as some of my hard skills. Even though I left the first job to focus on school, I retained the skills from there in order to apply for my job. When the COVID-19 pandemic came around, everything suddenly changed when we all had to stay at home and everything was online. I was unable to visit most of my family, hang out with friends in-person, or even go to school in-person. I even had to apply for a job during the pandemic in order to help contribute to rent since, at the time, my family and I were moving to a new house and my mom was going through hardships in her personal life. Adapting to a world where the only means of seeing the faces of my family and friends was through Zoom and video calls proved very, very difficult for me because I could not give my loved ones a hug without risking being exposed to the virus. While adapting can be very difficult and take time away from focusing on my own well-being, it is worth developing the skills needed to get through life and all of its dark spots and cracks within itself. I felt that adapting was extremely important in my life because despite having a disability that can hinder it, it is possible. It will continue to help me in my life journey as I go through my senior year of college, try to find a job that makes me happy, and pursue my passion to tell stories through music.

Over the past year, I made a journey of self-discovery due to the pandemic where I had to adapt to changing my plans of how to be able to pay for my last year of college. Since 2020, I have worked the barbecue job at the local grocery store, within walking distance of my house. There were many problems that followed along with COVID-19 restrictions and requirements. It essentially led me to have self-doubt, lose some of my confidence, and feel like I'm failing. In 2021, I had to take a year off of school because I did not receive financial aid to pay for my senior year of college. I was unwilling to put in student loans because I did not want to spend most of my life paying them off. I tried applying for scholarships but they were either irrelevant to my college major or I lacked the qualifications to apply for them. So I picked up extra shifts at my workplace. Sadly, I was subjected to witnessing suspicious characters, unintentionally taking part in co-worker drama, unfair pay, and being disrespected by my employer due to his misogynistic tendencies. With no other way of being able to pay for college without risking unemployment, I kept working there despite knowing that doing so would leave me physically, mentally, and at times emotionally drained. Initially, I had doubts that I would be able to finish college because I wanted to make my parents proud since they did not get to finish college themselves. I was starting to lose confidence and faith that I would be able to pull through and secure what I needed to reach that goal. I believed that I would fail not only my family but myself. But then I learned that no road we travel on is always smooth. Every step we make towards our goal always has its bumps, detours, and roadblocks along the way. It was up to me whether I wanted to keep going after getting stuck in a deep ditch towards failure. In the past, I tended to be stuck in my fantasized dreams of achieving my goals with the mindset of believing that only good things happen instantaneously. I changed that mindset once I went through those hard times after work, trying to apply for scholarships, figuring out how I could get my degree from home, and dealing with other personal issues at home. I have grown from a little girl who believes that dreams will always come true with no obstacles to someone who faced many hardships and made many mistakes but ended up learning from them. I am still a dreamer in many ways but I am no longer in a constant state of blissful ignorance. To sum everything up, I took a year off of college in order to obtain the assets to pay for my final year by working a job that left me drained in countless ways and trying to apply for scholarships despite there not being a lot of them I qualified for. Along the way, I developed self-doubt and self-confidence that would I be able to achieve my dream, discovering that no path to my goal is going to be a smooth one. In the end, I grew from a constant state of blissful ignorance to one of learning from mistakes and hardships. Eventually, I can achieve my dream and inspire others to do it too.