Three years ago, I experienced what some might call a mental health crisis and others would call a “dark night of the soul.” For months, I experienced an onslaught of intrusive thoughts that challenged my understanding of and faith in God. Though this was the most difficult and distressing time of my life, I would not erase it if I could. Because I relied on God when He was all I had, my prayer and devotional life, spiritual character, and trust in God grew exponentially. In many ways, I am a different person now. My life is a testimony that suffering can produce immeasurably good things in our lives. It all started in March of 2021. After a somewhat traumatic event, I began to recognize thoughts running through my mind that I found disturbing. Negative thoughts about God were especially prominent. I now know that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts, a phenomenon that is linked with OCD (a condition I had) and can be triggered by traumatic events. At the time, however, I felt guilty and confused about why my mind was conjuring these distressing thoughts. Deep down, did I really believe these horrible ideas? Had I done something to cause this problem? Would God ever forgive me for thinking these appalling things about Him? Day after day, the thoughts grew more disturbing and more frequent. I knew that these thoughts were incompatible with my Christian beliefs, but I had no way to get rid of them. So, I did the only thing I could do: I focused on God and asked for His help. I filled my mind with Christian music, memorized and recited Scripture (Psalm 91 was especially helpful), prayed without ceasing, and read the Bible daily. I studied the Psalms and, like David, trusted God to deliver me from heartache and torment. I spoke true things about God whenever a lie about Him entered my mind. These actions did not lessen the intrusive thoughts, but they intensified my determination. Like Job, I gained experiential knowledge of God, whereas I previously had head knowledge of Him. I learned that even when God does not intervene immediately, He is good: He has done so much for me thus far and has earned my trust. This experience was an opportunity to practice my faith, a chance to show God—and the powers of darkness—that I truly believed what I proclaimed. A few months of this passed. Though I was wounded mentally and spiritually by the intrusive thoughts, I had faith that God was with me. I knew that the Lord was my Shepherd, and I had all I needed as long as He was with me. I could have given up, but God built endurance in me so I could weather the storm, which started to subside when two things happened. First, my doctor prescribed a medication that helped quell the intrusive thoughts. The medication did not eliminate them, but it made life more bearable. Second, having studied and written about God’s Word a lot during this experience, I realized that I was called to ministry in biblical teaching. I enrolled in Regent University, and the rest is history. Focusing on schoolwork decreased the intrusive thoughts even more, and today I am off the medication and free from intrusive thoughts entirely. Suffering is like an ugly wrapper that encloses a valuable gift. Through suffering, God gave me the gifts of closeness with Him, strengthened faith, and strong character. While hindsight is 20/20, and I could have handled my “dark night of the soul” differently in some respects, I have no regrets.

Have trusted leaders in your life ever imposed their wishes on you and challenged what you felt in your heart was right? Several individuals in my life have denigrated my decision to attend a Christian university and pursue the field of Christian education, asserting that STEM majors would provide the most income and success. However, my experience of pursuing my passion emphasizes that just about anyone can be successful as long as they are passionate about their chosen field of study, know how to impact people through their field, and have strong motivations and goals to help them achieve their dreams. Choosing my field of interest — biblical and theological studies — was anything but straightforward. Being raised Christian, I began to love understanding and exegeting the Bible as a teenager. Though I found tremendous purpose in teaching Sunday School and Children’s Bible Study, I was unaware that studying Christianity in college was a viable option. Consequently, I pursued astronomy and computer science — some of my other interests — in college but experienced elevated anxiety while doing so. Leaders in my life reasoned that my problem was merely social anxiety and recommended that I nonetheless continue pursuing STEM studies. However, once I unapologetically embraced my ambition to pursue religious studies, I received an overwhelming sense of peace, which has remained with me. My successes at Regent University underscore the reality that if a person finds their ideal environment and field of study, they will flourish in knowledge and influence. I hope to impact children through a teaching career. Specifically, I wish to educate children about their identity as humans in relation to God. Scripture tells the story of God’s special love for His image-bearers, humanity’s fall from grace, and God’s relentless commitment to redeeming His prized creation. The youngest generation must know they are immensely valued and loved by the God who created and died to redeem them. This truth, which I intend to teach, will free people from spiritual, emotional, and religious bondage (John 8:32). Obtaining a bachelor’s degree will enable me to teach in Christian schools and succeed in my professional career. The motivations and goals that will help me achieve my dreams center around my theological beliefs and commitments. My belief in God and His providence is a core motivation of mine. I attribute my 4.0 GPA, academic awards, and drive for excellence to God’s love and providential guidance. God has empowered me to excel thus far and will continue leading me. Additionally, my goals of studying youth ministry, apologetics, and spiritual formation at Regent University will further equip me to impact students. In conclusion, those who embrace their professional passions, impact others, and practically pursue their passions will succeed. My testimony illustrates the potency of faith and determination. I desire to do all things, learning and teaching included, with excellence, and receiving a scholarship to continue my studies will empower me to complete my formal education and impact children’s futures through Christian and biblical teaching.