“How long will my hair fall out again this time?” “Why am I this unlucky?” I have had alopecia since I was almost 2 years old. It is a disease where the body mistakenly attacks the hair follicles which then causes hair loss. Having a disease that makes you look physically different from others can indirectly back you into a position where you're likely to get targeted for something you have no control over. The first time I started to experience a real decline of confidence in my appearance was in 5th grade where I was at a table with my friends at the time.Tthey made comments about how I was bald and had no eyebrows. The spiteful smiles on their faces and the heartlessness that they displayed was unusually disorienting for me. I sat there confused, feeling wronged. From that point on, the insecurity of my alopecia would only get worse. During a really hard time in late 2019, my hair had recently just started falling out again, which was hard to cope with. Almost every day I would go home from school and tell myself a pessimistic remark such as, “My hair is never going to come back.” Seeing everyone my age with a full, normal head of hair made me feel heavily insecure that I had been losing a significant amount of my hair. I thought of myself as an anomaly compared to all my peers because of how I didn’t look the same as them. Sharing such a drastic difference with all the kids in school made me feel like everyone was always paying attention to me and my hair. The “consequences” I had to go through from thinking so negatively about everything related to myself would soon come to show themselves. Habits such as always wearing a hoodie to cover my head and avoiding social events were the direct results of my destructive thoughts and behaviors. In public I would hide under the comfort of my hoodie to avoid having people give me judgmental, surprised stares. When my mother or father would ask me if I wanted to go out on any given day, I would say no, feeling guilty that the reason I said no was because of my own self-pity. Despite all the pain and frustration I and my alopecia brought upon myself, I have been able to accept living with alopecia for the last few years. Instead of looking at alopecia as a weakness, I have begun looking at it as something unique that defines who I am. I have started reinforcing good habits on dealing with my alopecia such as not covering my hair in public and purposefully exposing myself to uncomfortable situations such as going to parties and other events where I cannot hide from others. Now, I feel like my mental health is way better than what it was. Accepting myself for who I am has helped me understand people’s social and emotional challenges to a deeper extent. I feel less introverted and have begun to be more willing to step out of my comfort zone for many different opportunities. I feel like I’m more empathetic and have a more positive outlook on life. I now actively try to help people not have to go through similar mental struggles as I did. I do this by putting myself in their shoes and trying to use my experiences with insecurity to provide them reassurance that they're justified to feel what they're feeling on any given day. Truly, having alopecia has truly been the one secret blessing of my life.

In the future, I want to be someone who has undergone a significant amount of personal growth that can help me in areas that go beyond my personal life. I wish to be in tune with my emotions and be able to navigate conflict in an easy-like, consistent manner. I also want to be someone who has a high degree of influence on others’ lives. I want to work towards being someone who is socially and emotionally intelligent. A goal of mine is to understand the needs of myself and others, specifically while approaching my dream career of being a cognitive psychologist. I have already begun working towards this goal by taking time to acknowledge and respect someone else’s perspective and by realizing the specific times when I need to put my needs above others’ needs. A further step I can take to reach my goal is by doing research that focuses on the underlying causes behind people’s thoughts and actions. By doing this research, I will be more suited to tackle challenges such as navigating interpersonal conflict. By acquiring such a skill, I will become a better decision-maker and a more efficient problem-solver. Having an impact on others’ lives has been something I’ve wanted to accomplish for a long time. The feeling of contentment of knowing I’m able to make a difference in someone’s day-to-day life helps create a sense of purpose for myself in this world. Specifically, a way I have developed a degree of influence is by being a figure of support to my friends. I offer help to them for schoolwork and emotional problems while also being a person who can assist them for whatever they need help for. I can build on my gradual development of influence by possibly engaging in hobbies such as community service and being an unofficial mentor for those who need it. I can be a person people come to when they need help making life-altering decisions and I can be someone who people look for when needing guidance in their day to day life. I know that aspiring to be someone and becoming that “someone” requires two completely different levels of effort. In order for me to have an impact on others’ lives and become self-actualized, I will need to see a world beyond myself and be willing to put myself in uncomfortable positions where I have to learn hard lessons. If I do that, I’ll become a source of inspiration people can rely on for assistance.