I wasn’t introduced to music any differently than a baby is introduced to its parents. I was just born and music was there. My dad was an insurance agent who’d have preferred to be a rock star, and my mom was a lover of 80s rock. I watched KISS concert DVDs while my contemporaries watched The Wiggles. I knew the lyrics to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by age two. The appropriateness of that could probably be debated, but that’s how it was. At my house, there was Mom, Dad, my twin brother, and music.
Except one day, there wasn’t Dad anymore. When I was seven, he just left. Mom said I cried myself to sleep for a year. Truth be told, Mom probably did, too. Our house was a depression zone around then. I think that’s why for Christmas that year, though I don’t know how she afforded it, Mom got us iPad minis. I think she thought they’d buy her some peace and quiet once in a while, to grieve in solitude.
We were supposed to leave them charging in the kitchen at night, but after Mom was asleep, I’d sneak in and get mine. That’s when I discovered YouTube, and consequently, my OWN music. Not the music of my parents’ youth that I was raised on. I found Imagine Dragons, The Strokes, Twenty-One Pilots and some Nirvana that I couldn’t believe my parents had never told me about!
I wasn’t aware until a few years ago that my mom knew what I was doing. She said she heard me singing “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons while I was supposed to be asleep and came in to find me hiding under the covers with my iPad. She decided the sound of singing was so much better than the sound of me crying myself to sleep, that she just let it go.
After I learned the lyrics, I began noticing guitar riffs, then drum fills, then bass lines. It was like getting to know the hottest girl in school and she actually turned out to be gorgeous on the inside, too. Soon I was asking to take drum lessons, which Mom worked extra hours to pay for because she could tell how important it was to me. I learned drums quickly, so after a year, I switched to guitar, and then a year later, I started voice lessons.
Before then I wasn’t good at anything. I lived in the shadow of my twin. He was a natural-born actor and was the lead in every school play. He was the star pitcher on his baseball team, and on our basketball team, he often scored the most points. I was the dead weight, the benchwarmer.
But when I found music (for myself) I thrived. It was my thing.
That’s how music, which was part of my life since it was printed on my crib sheets, went from being something that was handed-down to me like an old sweatshirt I didn’t get to choose to an amazing discovery that cured my cancerous depression and low self-esteem.
Music has become what inspires and motivates me, calms and energizes me. It makes me feel powerful but so often humbles me. I’m currently majoring in commercial music at Belmont University because I hope someday music will feed and clothe me, since for the life of me, I can’t think of anything else I could stand to do every day for life.
I don’t know what my life would be like if I didn’t discover music. Luckily, it doesn’t matter, because I did.