I have struggled with my mental health for the past four years. When I had finally reached a point where I knew I needed help, and I was willing to actually get help, I learned that a lot of my patterns of behavior all related back to my desire for control in my life, which was truly life changing. For so long I tried to blame my self-harm and suicidal fantasizing practices on what other people had done to me, but through counseling I learned that these practices stemmed from my desire for control being more important to me than my desire to glorify God. Once I changed my perspective and began taking initiative for my decisions instead of trying to justify them by blaming other people, I was finally able to experience true and lasting change. Looking to Jesus, and turning control over to Him, allows me the freedom not to worry about what is out of my control because I know that I have a sovereign God who is working in my life for my good! Because of these realizations and changed perspectives, I have finally been able to begin overcoming my self-harming tendencies and suicidal fantasizing. It is a daily process of denying myself and turning to Jesus; however, when I do that, I am able to trust in God rather than myself, turn to God rather than myself, and resist the temptation to turn back to life-dominating sins that have previously had such a strong grip in my life.

Perseverance has been a very prevalent theme in my life for the past few years. Through my high school years, I have dealt with extreme patterns of self-harm and suicidal thinking. For a long time, I pushed these thoughts, feelings and actions away, dismissing them as if they were not a big deal. My parents became aware of these struggles I was facing and encouraged me to get the help I needed through a residential treatment center called, "Vision of Hope." It was in this program, while receiving intense biblical counseling, that I learned of the hope that can be found only in Jesus Christ. Furthermore, I learned that I didn't need to continue returning to my past sin habits of self-harm and suicidal fantasizing because I have a God who I can turn to with every problem I have, no matter how big or small it seems. That being said, it is not an easy program to be a part of. Being in residential treatment and counseling presents me with the daily desire to give up and go back to the life I "enjoyed" for so long. It is a daily job to persevere and keep fighting the good fight. It makes it easier for me to persevere through even such a difficult program because I know that this is where God wants me right now, and I know that through my faithful obedience to Him through even this really difficult time, I will be rewarded eventually in Heaven. That is all the motivation I need to persevere through the daily battle of choosing my loving and forgiving God over my painful and destructive sin.

Throughout my life, I have struggled with my mental health and how that relates to my goals, my relationships and also my faith in Jesus Christ. After being adopted out of an abusive and neglectful situation, I struggled with trust and belief that anyone could truly love me, which was only strengthened after several failed high school relationships. Throughout high school, my self-worth was extremely low, and I began turning to harmful habits, such as self-harm and suicidal fantasizing. I tried to hide these habits from everyone in my life, including my close friends and family, which only resulted in isolation and building up walls around the people who loved me. The summer before my senior year, I had completely given up hope and did not see a possible way for me to keep living, and I had absolutely no desire to continue living the life that I had created for myself through my sinful habits. I was rescued from this situation by my parents, who learned of my extreme suicidal thinking and fantasizing that was beginning to entirely consume me. Out of their love for me, they immediately rushed me to an emergency room, where it was decided that I needed to be admitted into an in-patient facility. Three days later, I became a resident at Vision of Hope, which is a faith-based residential treatment center. I have currently been at Vision of Hope for seven months, and through my time here, I have learned of the hope and life that is found in Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ alone. Although attending church and claiming to be a Christian, I was not living my life to please and glorify God; I was living for myself and for what made me happy in the moment. I was not living according to what is pleasing to God with an eternity-focused perspective driving my decisions. I can now honestly say that, although I do still occasionally struggle with suicidal and self-harming thoughts, I have a firm foundation in Christ that delivers me from those thoughts. I am so grateful that my parents saw through the walls I was building up, and cared about me enough to get me the help I need. Without them, I would not be here today. I have learned that God allows everything, even the pain, to bring me closer to Him, and that makes my suffering so beautiful. Even through the hard things that I never thought I could overcome, I can see how God delivered me from that and how much closer I am now with Him. I have a strong desire for others who struggle with their mental health to find hope because I have now seen the dangers of isolating yourself and suppressing the struggles you’re facing. I believe that the only way to truly find healing through various struggles with mental health is faith in Jesus Christ. Only Jesus can give hope that combats hopelessness, and healing that combats brokenness. From my brokenness, I found healing; from my hopelessness, I found hope; from my despair, I found Christ.

Throughout my life, I have struggled with my mental health and how that relates to my goals, my relationships and also my faith in Jesus Christ. After being adopted out of an abusive and neglectful situation, I struggled with trust and belief that anyone could truly love me, which was only strengthened after several failed high school relationships. Throughout high school, my self-worth was extremely low, and I began turning to harmful habits, such as self-harm and suicidal fantasizing. I tried to hide these habits from everyone in my life, including my close friends and family, which only resulted in isolation and building up walls around the people who loved me. The summer before my senior year, I had completely given up hope and did not see a possible way for me to keep living, and I had absolutely no desire to continue living the life that I had created for myself through my sinful habits. I was rescued from this situation by my parents, who learned of my extreme suicidal thinking and fantasizing that was beginning to entirely consume me. Out of their love for me, they immediately rushed me to an emergency room, where it was decided that I needed to be admitted into an in-patient facility. Three days later, I became a resident at Vision of Hope, which is a faith-based residential treatment center. I have currently been at Vision of Hope for seven months, and through my time here, I have learned of the hope and life that is found in Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ alone. Although attending church and claiming to be a Christian, I was not living my life to please and glorify God; I was living for myself and for what made me happy in the moment. I was not living according to what is pleasing to God with an eternity-focused perspective driving my decisions. I can now honestly say that, although I do still occasionally struggle with suicidal and self-harming thoughts, I have a firm foundation in Christ that delivers me from those thoughts. I am so grateful that my parents saw through the walls I was building up and cared about me enough to get me the help I need. Without them, I would not be here today. I have learned that God allows everything, even the pain, to bring me closer to Him, and that makes my suffering so beautiful. Even through the hard things that I never thought I could overcome, I can see how God delivered me from that and how much closer I am now with Him. I have a strong desire for others who struggle with their mental health to find hope because I have now seen the dangers of isolating yourself and suppressing the struggles you’re facing. I believe that the only way to truly find healing through various struggles with mental health is faith in Jesus Christ. Only Jesus can give hope that combats hopelessness, and healing that combats brokenness. From my brokenness, I found healing; from my hopelessness, I found hope; from my despair, I found Christ.