The love of a grandmother is something that mostly everyone can relate to but no one can replace once that special lady is gone from your life. The stories, the inside jokes, the crying times, and the numerous pictures in the scrapbooks just could never do Ms. Mary Alexander any justice. She survived a total of four strokes and two heart attacks over the course of her seventy-six years of life. While her body was paralyzed, her mind and heart were never restricted. She made sure to reassure me of her love and God's love. She always told me I was beautiful and that she was so proud of me for my accomplishments in school as well as my baptism. Towards the end of her earthly course, she looked at me and smiled so sweetly even when she felt her death becoming increasingly imminent. Now, everytime I look in the mirror or my camera lens and I smile, I see her within myself and my heart instantly feels warm.
That wasn't the only death in my family that I have experienced recently. Over the course of this whole pandemic, I have attended at least 15 funerals of family members that have passed away either at the hands of COVID-19 or old age. It got to a point that whenever I received news that another person I loved passed away, I was feeling numb during the funeral services and I even couldn't bring myself to cry. During the time of attending funeral after funeral, my mother had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and breast cancer. All of this--coupled with my being in high school and dealing with my personal problems of teenage depression--really put a strain on my mental and emotional health. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems at home so I bottled them up and kept trying to ignore it all. I felt like I had no one to turn to that could possibly relate to what I was going through. Overall, I felt alone.
However, I was encouraged to pick up the Bible and read the book of Job. He felt plagued with family issues, his loss of livestock, and his change of appearance among other things. Despite all that he went through, he never turned his back on God nor did he blame Him for all that he experienced. Rather, he kept the faith and prayed constantly for endurance and courage. As a result, he gained way more than he had lost because of God's generosity and bountiful blessings. Reading that Bible account assured me that as long as I put God first and remain grateful for all that I still have, I will lack nothing that God can't replace or rectify on my behalf. It helped me to realize that with God in my life, nothing Satan has or does will prosper against me.
With this in mind, I have resolved to keep fighting to achieve my goals of being in the medical field. I consider myself as a person who enjoys helping others. Thanks to the way I was raised in terms of how to be respectful and hospitable towards all people who are in need, I have become people-oriented and I experience personal satisfaction from knowing that I can have a direct positive affect on the health and well-being of others. I have the utmost respect for people like my mother and my grandmother who have always kept the faith and saw the good in others even when their whole world came crashing down with their personal circumstances. They never stopped giving, they never stopped loving, they never stopped smiling, they never stopped being beautiful, and they never stopped laughing no matter how hard times got. I am determined to make that my resolve in life as well. I want to love like I have never lost, laugh like I have never frowned, and keep my head up despite Satan's antics to keep me down. I want to do all of this with the optimism and belief that I have not only made my grandmother proud while she is in a better place but I have brought joy to my mother's heart while I still have her here with me.