Throughout my life, I've had many people, events, and places inspire me to be the best version of myself. None of them have given me the inspiration that my grandmother did before she lost her battle with liver cancer. She did so much in her life for her family and friends and was never one to give up on something because of her stubborness. My grandmother knew that I wanted to be the first person in my family to go to college and acheieve a degree. She saw how hard I was working to in high school to get to that point by being a part of clubs and working on grades as best as I could. Even though I was working hard in school my grandmother knew how my life at home which was the complete opposite of school. At home I was put down and verbally abused almost daily. I was called name after name by my stepdad who was a very negative and toxic person. During the summer before my sophmore year of high schoolI had told her that I wanted to go to college to be a journalist so I could travel the world. As we sat on her front porch she told "if you put your mind to it than I know you can do it". Those words still sit with today even after having to self fund my education after seperating myself from my toxic parents. Sadly she passed away in 2017 after fighting liver cancer for many years. Before she passed she said to me and my sister "Don't ever lose your faith" Her words lit a fire inside of me that wanted me to strive for the best and to reach my goals. Despite what I was going through at home I it gave me the drive I needed to push through. On the day I got my first college acceptance letter I cried and I knew she would be so proud of me. Today her words still remind me that I can do this and get my degree. I know that pursuing higher education costs and recently have been struggling with the reality that I might not be back next fall to continue my eduaction due to a lack of funding. It's been hard to accept this might happen because it's been a dream of mine since I was 14. No matter what happens I won't let it stop me from finding a way to come back and continue. I have a drive and ambition that wants to keep me going even after I achieve my goals and I have my grandmother to thank a big part of that. She will always be a reason I strive to achieve nothing but the ebst for my self and future family.

To begin I am a first-generation college student attending Cameron University in Lawton, Oklahoma. I would say that growing up I was faced with a lot of opposition and negativity. I came from a very toxic household but I didn't let that stop me from getting to where I am now. Growing up I knew I wanted to attend college but I didn't know what all it would take to get there over the next several years. I studied hard and tried my best at everything I was involved in despite what I was dealing with at home. By the age of 8 my stepdad starting verbally abusing me daily. I was constantly made fun of and put down and it got to the point my mom wouldn't even try to stop it except for when he would threaten to hit me or actually hit me. Little did I know there was a major reason why he acted the way he did and I wouldn't find out until the age of 18. The summer before my senior year of high school my world was shattered due to finding out my parents were abusing drugs. They had hidden it for so many years and I was completely in shock when I found out thanks to my stepdad who did it not only to get back at my mom but to hurt me and my sister. This made me wonder if I was the cause and I ended up believing I was because my stepdad had told me I was. I hid this from so many people when all I wanted to do was tell someone about it and share my hurt. I was so scared to be separated away from my younger sister so I kept quiet. Every day I wondered and hurt until I realized that I couldn't control my parents and if they would continue there would be consequences they would ultimately face. Despite what I was feeling I knew I had to push through. By doing this I gained adversity that helped me to see the day I moved out of my parent's house and into college. I gained hope and a constant longing of hope for better days ahead. I'd say this event changed me into who I am but, sometimes I still struggle, and due to growing up in such an environment I have a bad habit of apologizing. By studying myself over the last 2 years I can see a growth that is so amazing. I've become a strong person who wants to help others. I've gained traits of empathy, kindness, compassion, and being a listener and advice giver. I've become a mentor to people who just need a person to listen to them. I will say that I'm not perfect and there are days in which I struggle with things from the past of the fact that I get really emotional. I don't let that stop me from pushing through to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I'm a hard worker and won't let anything get in the way of my goals and dream. I have the drive to succeed and do things others didn't before to have a better life for my future family. I want to be a leader and leave a legacy that others can look up for years to come. I have the ambition to inspire others with the fire inside me. This case study of my self has allowed me to see how far I've come despite my past circumstances

Throughout my life, I've seen many films both short films and major motion pictures. Some caught my attention, made me laugh or cry, and even made me want to go out and change the world. Some films made me want to scream and get angry at the director. Others made me fall asleep or lose interest. Even though these films had an effect on me in some way none can be compared with the film, Christopher Robin. Growing up I watched winne the pooh a lot and it became a staple of my childhood. It has become one of my favorite nostalgic memories and everytime i see something that comes from the disney frachise. This group of characters always made me feel like a kid even as I got older. When Christopher Robin came out in theatres I had just turned 18 and it came out on my birthday. It made my heart melt watching it because it brought up sweet childhood memories and reminded me there would always be a kid inside me no matter how I got. Seeing pooh throughout the movie reminded me of the wisdom I had learned throughout my life. Pooh always had a curiosity for the world and admired the simple things in life. I admired that about his character and they way he affected the adult chistopher robin. This movie reminded me of just the simpliest things and look at the world and life in a way that others would admire. To always look at the smallest details that others don't notice because even the smallest things are beautiful and amazing. This film amazed me and allowed me to just sit still and take a minute to appreciate the world for what it is and the beauty it contains.

For me being the firstborn hasn't been easy and it's definitely come with its own ups and downs. Being the firstborn child, the oldest daughter, and sibling from my mom came with a lot to deal with on its own for instance being the one to watch my sibling grow up, being there when my parents split and went their own ways, and not to mention be the first one in my family to go to college and pursue a degree. Growing up had it's many challenges that shaped me into the person I am today. For instance, I was the first to experience school and learning. This caused me to tell my younger sister many things about teachers, other kids, and not to mention the principal and cafeteria food. Another challenge was that when my parents split up it caused me a lot of pain and a lot of confusion while my younger sister was still just a toddler trying to figure the world out. This meant I understood more about why we go to my dad's house on weekends while my sister wanted to stay with my mom when she was supposed to go with me as she learned to do. Growing up as the oldest also meant having to be the leader and role-model as well as the one who was harshly put down and made fun of. This at least took it away from my sister until she was about 10. I took a lot of verbal abuse and often took up for my sister and would often take the blame for many many things. As I got older due to the type of environment I grew up in my mental health struggled and I gained a lot of weight and overall was doing well even though I was excelling in school. Finally, I was accepted to college and I knew that as the oldest and the first in my family to strive for a degree I was taking steps in the right direction but as the oldest, I knew once I left everything I had been through would soon turn to my younger sister. I knew she would be okay because she would be busy with sports and school and wouldn't be home all the time but still, I worried about her. As the first to attend college I knew I was planting a seed that future generations would follow which meant a lot to me. This meant I'd be making a difference for myself and for other especially my sister. I would be showing her that it is possible to do things no matter how hard it got and that you could push through the pain and hurt to greatness. As the firstborn, I've seen and done things that will allow me to grow as a person in my career and this allows me to share my experience with others including my sister. This allows me to mentor and advises her on her decision whether to go to school or straight into the workforce. This has brought me a lot of joy to be the oldest because I get to be the first to experience so many things that my parents didn't. It means I can start and leave a legacy that wil last for a long time and have an impact on others.

To begin my spiritual journey with Christ has had its up and downs but overall it wouldn't be the way it is without these things. Growing up I lived in a very negative household and my parents would only attend church with us if it was a holiday, had something to do with us, or if it would benefit them. My family would often make fun of what church I was going to no matter where it was or what denomination. As I got older things got worse and as my faith kept growing I was continuously faced with a lot. I would attend church camp every summer and get closer and closer to god but my family situation kept getting worse. I was constantly put down and verbally abused every day. It was mainly my stepdad who would say these types of things. Through this, I kept praying and growing closer to god and would focus on his promises even though I was fighting hurt silently in front of many people. When I turned seventeen I had found out that my parents were doing illegal drugs. This shattered my heart in so many ways and the pain was unbearable. I didn't know what to do or where even to begin so I kept quiet while I still lived at home and believed that they would stop like they said they would. At this point, I knew the only person I could turn to was christ. He was and still is my comfort through it all no matter how hard it got. Christ changed my life in so many ways and he continues to every single day by blessing me with opportunities like no other and allowing me to be able to come to him in times of despair and sadness and even when I just need to talk to someone. He allowed me to meet my fiance who I had prayed for didn't know it was him. Christ has given me so much peace and has allowed me to shed the weight I had been carrying for years.