When I was 19, I was mentally and sexually abused by my then boyfriend. I felt so alone and worthless. I felt inadequate and deplorable. For the longest time, I felt it was my fault this happened. When it came to my college education, I was struggling. I had concentration issues and constantly felt drained. For the longest time I felt like a shell of myself, and it put a huge strain on my relationships with friends and family. Anxiety, flashbacks, and negative thoughts still affect me to this day. However, my wonderful cats Lightning, Grayhood, Tiger, and Funyun have helped me extraordinarily. They have helped significantly reduce my mental stress and feelings of depression and loneliness. Every time I feel down, one of my cats come cuddle with me. When I’m outside, my cat Lightning follows me around. They give my support and happiness. Furthermore, my cats are very entertaining. They can sense when I’m in need of a laugh. They help lift my spirits and forget the horrors of life.

I cried out in pain, pleading for him to stop and get off me for I no longer wanted to have sex. However, his response was “Shut up and let me finish.” When I was 19, I was mentally and sexually abused by my then boyfriend. I felt so alone and worthless. I was constantly being told that I had no value, was stupid, crazy, too sensitive, and that something was wrong with me. I found out that this person, my then boyfriend and abuser, had been cheating on me during the entire time we were dating. I ended up developing self-confidence, self-esteem, and physical appearance issues. I stopped eating and lost weight. I developed acne so bad it covered my face because of the stress and anxiety. I developed a fear of crying and showing emotions because if I did, I would get abused more, which is trauma that still affects me now. When the abuse would start, I had to go to a place in my mind I call my ‘happy place.’ It is where I would mentally go to escape the abuse. When it came to stress and feelings of despair, they were my best friends. When it came to sleep, I got none for I always had one eye open in fear my abuser was going to do something. This all accumulated to me trying to commit suicide. Thankfully, I did not succeed in that endeavor. However, this experience has greatly affected my mental health. I felt inadequate and deplorable. For the longest time, I felt it was my fault this happened. I chose to date him and give him the opportunity to do those horrible things to me. When it came to my college education, I was struggling. I had concentration issues and constantly felt drained. When I would see people at the college or elsewhere, I felt I had to act and pretend like I was fine. For the longest time I felt like a shell of myself, and it put a huge strain on my relationships with friends and family. I am so thankful they stood by me and helped me after I was out of that abusive relationship. I distanced myself from them for fear they would hurt me, while also thinking I would negatively affect them. Anxiety, flashbacks, and negative thoughts still affect me to this day. However, I do not want to be known as the victim of this abuse or to allow my trauma to keep affecting me. I am a survivor of abuse, and I am strong. I am not inadequate or deplorable. I have had to find ways to relieve stress and anxiety. These are things like deep breathing, removing myself from stressful situations, and swinging while listening to music. When I am swinging, listening to music, and watching the bird fly overhead; I feel relief, liberation, and peace from my trauma affecting me. Prayer also helps because I am able to talk to God about my issues and feel heard, even if everyone else in my life does not seem to be listening or care. God has helped me overcome so much of my trauma and mental health issues. I also wanted to be a guiding light for those who have also had horrible things done to them. The best way I felt I could do this was by being a leader that they could look up to. Thus, I became an officer in several clubs and organizations at my college. I became an SGA Representative so I could represent and vote on behalf of my fellow college students. Then after gaining experience in the SGA, I became the SGA President so I could advocate on behalf of my fellow students to college officials. I became a community leader for the Christian college club called Chi Alpha so I could help fellow Christians heal from hurt and pain they may be experiencing. With my career aspiration, this trauma of mine has strengthened my resolve. I want to finish college and become a physical therapist so I can make a positive difference in other peoples’ life. This is all because I want and hope to be a guiding light and inspiration to those around me with mental health issues too.