Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." In my life, I've endured many hardships and setbacks as a queer Asian student who grew up in a very conservative, white town. I didn't know it then, but it was these challenging times that would turn into lessons of growth, ultimately shaping the career path in public health I'm interested in pursuing. In doing my part to change the world, I'm also changing my own life. I am currently working on my Master's degree in Integrative Health and Wellness, hoping to become a director of wellness and/or health promotion specialist for college students, focusing on minority populations. As a young student who suffered greatly from experiences related to my queer Asian identity, I knew I wanted to make a difference for others. In this career, I would be able to offer support and make decisions based on empathy and compassion, not just sympathy. I believe this would provide a more profound difference in enriching the lives of queer and BIPOC students, ultimately changing the narrative of the traumatic minority experience. In my own life, this would change my life trajectory by giving me personal fulfillment and a sense of purpose. For so much of my young adult life, I felt void of direction and purpose. During the first 2 years of my undergraduate career, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. In the most difficult of times, I questioned my self-worth and wondered if I had anything meaningful to offer as a human being. Not yet able to see how it would be my catalyst for change, I was self-consumed in my pain and trauma. The spark for change happened when I decided to start therapy for my mental health - it was a transformative time, as I unraveled many truths and learned useful tools for building resilience. Ultimately, the most transformative part was that it informed my decision to pursue a career in health and well-being. I believe that personal health and optimal well-being is a human right, not a service reserved only for certain people. As minorities, BIPOC people may face more challenges in access to health and wellness services like therapy, services that might just be the key to their healing. For me, it certainly was and I am grateful for the access I had in my younger life. Now, I feel that it is my responsibility to give back to my community and uplift minority groups in their health and wellness, breaking the barriers that are so often structurally set against us. I hope to live in a world where people have access to services they need and that they feel seen, heard, and understood in the process. I know that in doing my small part, I can make a big difference.

Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see in the world,” a sentiment I consciously try to live by. In my attempt to make the world a more positive place, I’m pursuing a master’s degree in health and wellness. My goal is to help people achieve personal optimal well-being to live a full, happy, healthy life, especially those who are more vulnerable. When I was fresh in my undergraduate career, I was still an awkward gay kid who had no idea what to do with their life. In an attempt to figure it out, I tried different extracurricular activities and ended up volunteering at my college health clinic. I had my first therapy experience there, an event that positively changed my life and would inform my future education. From that impactful experience, I knew I wanted to work in the health and wellness field somehow. This led me to pursue yoga teacher training and offer free yoga classes targeted towards LGBT students upon completion. As someone who was made to feel shame in my queer body for so many years, getting to practice yoga with other LGBT students was a quiet, yet powerful revolution. I saw the positive impact I was able to make on their confidence, mood, and self-awareness and I wanted to do more. This led me to where I am today, currently working on a master’s degree in holistic health and wellness. Never forgetting that transformative time in my life, my goal is to work as a director of wellness or health promotion specialist at universities with a specialized focus on the more vulnerable populations, especially LGBT students. I believe that working in the industry and being a visible representation of queer students is essential in making them feel like they have access to care. Further, as someone passionate about individualized care, I plan to use my education to put that into practice through motivational interviewing, collaboration with other professionals, and applying a holistic health approach. My education is setting me up to become an evidence-based practitioner rooted in compassion and empathy, which I believe is the key to inspiring meaningful, long-lasting positive change. I want to see a world where all students feel safe, respected, and a sense of belonging, especially those who are more vulnerable. In my ideal world, people have easy access to care for their health, there is true inclusion and representation within the professional industry, and local communities flourish because people take care of each other. That is the change I want to see in the world and I fully intend to do my part.

Health and wellness is a fundamental human right and that is especially true for people who are most vulnerable to organized, institutional discrimination. As queer people, we have unique health concerns and we know this discrimination all too well - that is why I make my health and wellness a priority and decided to pursue a master’s degree in the field of health and wellness. My mental and physical health take precedence in my life because I know that doing so not only sets me up for success but also it shows self-respect for the hard work I put into becoming the person I am today. Not only did I grow up as a gay kid in a conservative environment, but I also was one of the only brown kids in a historically racist white town. Needless to say, I was subject to endless bullying for my differences, which led me to develop social anxiety and depression. I recall in high school feeling displaced in my body, always daydreaming of being someone and somewhere else, and even ideating suicide. Thankfully, the thoughts remained simply thoughts and I left my town for college. During my undergraduate career, I utilized the free mental health counseling services offered and was able to meet other queer people. For the first time in my life, I felt that I was having positive experiences in my queer identity. I began to feel at home in my body, I made queer friends, and I began actively taking care of my mental and physical health. It even formed my decision to pursue a degree in the health and wellness field, an education I’m working on today. Although I feel grateful for the growth I made in my undergraduate years, I realize this is not the experience for many queer students. I recognize that not all colleges have accessible health services and if they do, they may not have professional staff who can cater to the unique health concerns of queer students. This may lead to queer students feeling even more isolated and stressed during these already stressful times in their lives. Therefore, it is the responsibility of every educational institution to offer accessible services and hire compassionate professionals who can help students improve their health. That is why I decided to pursue a degree in integrative health and wellness, hoping to work on college campuses as a health promotion specialist with a focus on the queer college population. I recognize that the accessibility I had to mental and physical health services and the amazing staff who helped me were instrumental parts of my transformation and I hope to be an instrumental part in someone else’s.

For many, mental health struggles often go unspoken for a variety of reasons and the consequences are often detrimental. My experiences with my mental health have not only influenced all aspects of my life, but it’s led me to pursue a master’s degree in health and wellness. Though they have brought me heartache and hardship, my issues have inspired me to help others. During the last year of my undergraduate career, I went through the most challenging time in my life, seeing a total breakdown of my family unit. Devastating secrets my mother had kept were revealed, causing her to turn against me and everyone else in my family in retaliation. This led to physical violence, the involvement of child protection services, a restraining order put in place, and my putting my education on hold to help handle the situation for all my family members involved. I was the middle man through all of this, offering personal comfort to my father, making sure my younger brother saw as little as possible, and being the primary person dealing with the legal issues. Looking back now, I applaud how well I was able to take care of the people and logistics, but I wasn’t fully processing that I had just lost my mother figure. Once the dust had settled, I finished school but entered a severe depression shortly after. I became cynical of the world and felt hopeless in pursuing my career and personal goals. As time went on, I became reclusive and stopped engaging in my normal life, ultimately feeling suicidal. I recall one day seriously considering suicide when I received a call from my younger brother like some sacred intervention. At that moment, I knew I had to get better, so I started therapy. Therapy not only saved my life, but it changed it forever. My mental health struggles had changed my natural optimism to cynicism, it made me assume the worst in people instead of the best, and it made any kind of work feel meaningless. Through therapy, I was able to work out these issues and arrive at the healthier state of mind I’m in today. My cynical beliefs about humanity are more optimistic these days, though I’m compassionate to those in the depths of their mental health struggles who are unable to yet see any light. Additionally, I leaned on my friends heavily, even though I was resistant at first because I didn't want to be seen as weak. Now I know that expressing vulnerability and reaching out for support is a sign of strength. Currently, I’m in a master’s program for health and wellness with the goal of helping people in their health and wellness journey. I want to specifically work in the health promotion sector, focusing on mental health. As someone who once considered ending their life, I want to do my part in helping others realize that theirs are worth living. In a poetic, paradoxical way, I’m grateful for my mental health struggles because it’s brought me to my current stage in life, one where I am mentally stronger and fit to pursue a higher education. I’m not sure I would have seen this specific light if I hadn’t gone through the darkness first.

One of the best discoveries you can make in life is the discovery of falling in love with yourself. When I reflect upon this notion in my life, I think about my upbringing as a first-generation Asian American kid in America and my journey to self-love. Through food, language, customs, and family, I was able to reach a revelation and pride for my AAPI culture I didn’t always have. When I was growing up, I was hyperaware of the fact that I was different from most of my peers. I grew up as a first-generation brown Asian American kid in a very white, conservative part of San Diego and the stark contrasts were constantly present - in my facial features, the lunch I brought to school, and the language I spoke only at home. All of these things became ammunition for my peers to bully me, and I, unfortunately, accepted their shaming. This was also during the early 2000s and 2010s when depictions of Asian people in American media were limited to being tired cliches at best and harmful offensive stereotypes at worst. So ever since I was in grade school, I couldn’t find a home in my Asian heritage at school or in the comfort of my room when I turned on the TV. I learned to internalize the racism thrown at me and feel embarrassed about my AAPI culture. That’s why my culture is so important to me because today I am fiercely proud of my Asian American culture and what it means to be Asian American in today’s world. Through reconnecting with my mother tongue and the flavors of my youth, I fell in love with my culture for the first time and thus, myself. When I speak Cantonese to my grandmother or eat Dim Sum that she prepared, I feel like a kid again - A proud Asian American kid. As an adult pursuing a Master’s degree and working in the Health and Wellness industry, I am conscious of my cultural identity and what that means in my work. I believe diversifying any work field is not only beneficial for the work culture, but also for the work produced. When we have a variety of vantage points working together toward a common goal, we have access to wider ways of thinking. For example, I was raised by a traditional Chinese grandmother who taught me about traditional Chinese healing modalities, which I brought up once at a work meeting where we were planning on a topic for our health-focused lunch events. My co-workers loved what I had to share and we ended up going with that topic and I got to lead the event. I got to share my culture and its lessons with a group of new ears that wanted to hear what I had to say. That was one of my favorite work memories because I got to combine my passion for well-being with my deep love for my culture, making me feel more connected to my work. I plan to bring my culture into my Master’s program work as well and once I finish that degree, into the next role of my professional life. I believe representation is important and I want to be a visible Asian American working in a field that can feel dominated by and marketed to mostly white people. But I believe that taking care of ourselves is a human right - I hope to be a mirror for people who look like me when they look at me to think that there is room for everybody in these spaces. In conclusion, my AAPI identity is an important reminder to myself of survival and a lesson in learning to love myself. We cannot separate ourselves from our identities, no matter how much we try, and it would be a shame to live our lives trying to. The people that we are, exactly as we are, have unique gifts to bring to the table - and what a good feeling it is to take a seat and proudly share our gifts.

The outcomes in our lives can be attributed to the habits we practice, and that is especially true about the link between our health and our eating habits. Our bodies are the vessels through which we live our lives, and I believe it is our responsibility to take care of our vessels. By practicing healthy eating habits, I know that I am doing good not only for my physical health, but also my mental health. We must eat in order to survive - that is a fact of life. And our relationship with food is one of the most important ones in our lives, as food literally gives us nutrients and energy in order to live our lives. Growing up, I simply viewed food as a source of pleasure. This led to me developing high blood pressure as a child, which frightened me. Determined to take care of my body and not cause it further harm, I began to eat more healthily. In my household, there was no formal education about food being a modality for healing the body, so it was something I had to learn mostly on my own - When I began changing my diet and exercising more, not only did my high blood pressure completely disappear, but I also began feeling more energized and focused. At that time, this revelation was amazing to me because for the first time, I saw the power of food as medicine. There’s a poetic irony to the notion that the thing that can damage us can also be the very thing that can heal us - which means it all comes down to our discipline and habits. Nowadays, there is countless research supporting the connection between the gut and the brain, our physical health and mental health, and food is the catalyst. If asked, most people would say they want to live long, happy, healthy lives, and we can use food as a means to achieve that. The term “healthy” can mean and look like different things across different types of people and cultures, so it is a personal practice - What works for one person may not work for another, so it takes experimenting to get to know your body and mind well. As a yoga instructor and avid gym-goer, I know that eating lighter foods that are high in nutrients will keep my body feeling optimal. I recently changed my diet to a pescatarian diet because I discovered that digesting meat and dairy products were taxing on my body, which affected my performance at my job and in the gym. But it took me experimenting with different diets and fine-tuning them to arrive at this understanding. Further, I found that when I eat foods that feel good for my body, my mental health improves as well. I know the nutrients that I’m feeding my body are affecting my mental health and I don’t feel mentally burdened by feelings of discomfort, so I’m energized to do the things I need to do. On the contrary, when I’m feeling down and unmotivated to move, I find my body craving foods that are high in sugar and fat and low in nutrients. I know that if I consumed these foods, it would make me feel happy for a moment, but the feeling of discomfort and being weighted down would be worsened in the end. That’s why these days when I catch myself in a mental slump, I make it a point to move my body and feed it nutritious foods because I know that can be the catalyst to feeling better.

As queer people, seeking safety and peace within ourselves and the outside world is a never-ending journey. Like many of my fellow queer peers, I’ve endured a lot of hardships for simply existing, not only as a gay man but also as a first-generation Asian American. My experiences could have hardened my heart and spirit, but instead, they’ve done the opposite. This is my unique strength and I’m happy to say I’m dedicating my professional studies and life to helping other queer people see their own potential for self-love and healing. I grew up as a brown, naturally feminine gay Asian boy in a very conservative, white city in San Diego during a time when binary gender roles were heavily ingrained in the culture and being different or “unique” wasn’t something to be celebrated. In fact, it could get you into trouble, which it certainly did for me. I was bullied a lot by my peers - for my Asian features, for being quiet and soft, and for not playing with the other boys. When you’re that young and eager to simply belong amongst your peers, you will do anything, so I would let them make fun of me and even laugh with them to show them I was on their side. I wouldn’t know until years later in therapy that I had learned to internalize the racism and homophobia spewed at me, which led to me developing anxiety, depression, and suicidal tendencies. I was also going through a taxing time with my family during that time, so life felt very dark and void of hope. It wasn’t until my second year of high school when I started taking theatre class that I found a release for all my emotions and a group of people who loved and appreciated me exactly as I am - and in turn, it helped me to love and appreciate myself. After finding my safe space amongst people like me, I began to come out of my shell and break free from my insecurities. I began practicing habits of self-love and care like yoga, meditation, journaling, and taking care of my body. I learned to fall in love with my Asian heritage and queerness. These habits led to me pursuing a kinesiology degree in college and now a master’s degree in integrative wellness and health management. When I pause to reflect on the insecure boy who hated himself and wanted to harm his body, it moves me to tears to think how I am now in love with the person I see in the mirror. I took the hate and shame given to me and held it close, transforming it into love and pride. Now, my calling is to share that with queer youth and underserved communities with whom wellness is especially essential. As queer people, we are conditioned to believe from a very young age that there is something wrong with our mere existence, and what a heavy, unjust burden that is to carry. I only hope to be a guiding hand to help lessen the load for those like me who needed to know that living a life of happiness is not only possible - it’s our birthright.

If there’s one thing that’s certain about life, it’s that life is very uncertain. Upon completing my undergraduate degree, I knew I wanted to do a master’s program after, but my life didn’t allow for that to happen - Until now, six years later. I have been out of the practice of being a student for a while, so I am most excited about being a student again and growing my mind and soul. But if there’s one thing I certainly recall about being a student, it’s the inevitable stress that comes with it. Fortunately, I feel confident and capable that I will take care of my well-being during these challenging times. Whenever I’m in a negative mood, I know that something I can do to try to make myself feel better is move my body. I’ve always been physically active when I was younger and keeping that habit into my adult life has been a blessing for both my physical fitness and holistic well-being. For me, movement is medicine. I regularly practice yoga and weightlifting, both of which keep me flexible and strong. I am very dedicated to my physical fitness and these practices will become even more important and resourceful when I’m a stressed-out student who needs a break from studying. Whether it’s going for a walk through my neighborhood or taking a high-level strength training class, I know moving my body will unfailingly make me feel better. Similarly, I see food as medicine and practice mindful healthy eating habits to help maintain my physical health. As a student, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of unhealthy eating, making things worse. Therefore, keeping my healthy eating habits will serve as a source of combating stress. I love the healthy lifestyle that I’ve created for myself and I know that these habits will be instrumental in my college success. When it comes to caring for my mental health and soul, I always turn to practices that first and foremost bring me joy. So much of life is out of our control and we can easily feel powerless and respond negatively to those moments. Further, as a student, making time to study, do projects, and find time for work and social life can be overwhelming. That’s why putting aside a bit of time solely for things that bring me joy is vital for my mind and soul’s health. As a naturally creative person, I love spending my free time reading, writing, playing my piano, painting, and dancing. I do at least one of these activities every night before going to bed, which serves as my time to show love for my soul and mind. When I’m doing these activities, I’m not worried about anything else besides simply being present with the creative task and fully surrendering to the joy it brings me. As human beings first, I believe that our natural state is not of stress and worry, but of joy and creativity. Because college demands so much of a student’s energy and time, it can become very draining very quickly. That’s why it’s essential to have activities and hobbies that spark a different kind of inspiration. I plan to continue doing my joyful activities during college, possibly even more so, as I know they will rejuvenate my spirit during the challenging moments. In conclusion, I am excited and inspired to go back to college more than anything. Even though I know I will experience stressful moments, I know that these intentional practices I do to maintain a healthy body, mind, and soul will serve me well.

Like a great film, there are some books that make a home in your psyche and soul long after you’ve finished the last page. But I would argue that the everlasting effects of books are even more powerful, because the process takes more time and the unique movie you see in your mind is for your viewing alone. The most recent book of that affect for me was Bessel Van Der Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the Score.” Not only was it an illuminating read throughout, but it also inspired me to pursue a master’s degree in integrative health and wellness, which is the very reason I am writing this essay. Having always been interested in the inner workings and processes of our bodies and minds, this book served as an accessible manual into understanding how our bodies work, specifically in the context of trauma. Like everyone who is born into this world and experiences life, I have had my fair share of trauma and felt like I understood my trauma quite well - but reading this book was like holding up a mirror that revealed parts of myself that had become hidden. I grew up as a queer, brown boy in a very conservative, white part of town, so feeling displaced in my body and mind was my default setting and I suffered greatly from that. Upon entering college and adulthood, however, I felt that I had completely shaken off that trauma. But experiences I forgot I had lived through came to the forefront, revelations of understanding my emotional and physical habits broke through, and other similar findings were uncovered during my time reading this book. I started looking at my psyche and body differently, feeling more compassion for myself, the people in my life, and ultimately, everyone in this world. In this way, this work has been truly transformative. Another very real and significant influence this book has made upon me is the reason I am writing these words right now - It has made me want to pursue a master’s degree in health promotion and integrative wellness. I have always been interested in health and physiology, obtaining a bachelor’s degree in kinesiology in my undergraduate years. Since then, I’ve been working as a personal trainer and although the work is rewarding, I’ve always felt that I wasn’t utilizing all of my potentials. It wasn’t until I started exploring the wellness side of health and fitness and began working as a yoga instructor and wellness coordinator that I realized the holistic wellness aspect was missing from my job. After reading this book detailing all the amazing work that people from various health and wellness professions did for people in their healing processes, it made me want to do more than just help people change their lives through physical fitness alone. It moved me to want to pursue a higher education where I could help people more holistically, addressing their emotional and mental well-being as well as physical. It would be an understatement to say I am excited and optimistic about my future after reading this inspiring work. Books tell stories of the world we live in and if we allow ourselves to be open enough, they can also serve as a tunnel into understanding our own inner worlds more. After arriving at the end of Bessel Van Der Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the Score,” it not only helped me understand my inner world more, but it also moved me to write the next chapter of my life. And I cannot wait to reflect back one day and read it.