"Once a Jew, always a Jew:" a phrase said to hold pride in Jewish ancestry. Certainly, I am a proud Jew, but that quote had a different influence on me. Ethnically, I am Jewish. Sure, my dad went to Hebrew school and my family lights the menorah every Hanukkah, but my family never followed Judaism---even if we were part of God's chosen people. Nonetheless, I had---and have---so much respect for my people. We have fought through so many genocides and oppressions. Jewish people, especially my father and his family, are some of the most determined, hard-working people I've ever met. Long story short, I am a proud Jewish woman. However, my deep dive into the Jewish faith only started September 2024, and that led me to the greatest thing: Jesus.
This may sound weird, but my deep dive started when I found out I had curly hair. I don't know how I didn't realize it before, but it opened up so many doors for me. Little did I know, that was God beginning my journey towards Jesus. I can't even explain how it felt when I realized I had curly hair, but you're not really supposed to understand everything God does, right? It was like everything I learned about my heritage flooded my brain. I'm still not sure to this day why that moment was so important, but it was and I'm grateful. I began to look into Judaism. Apps downloaded, videos watched, and articles read. A Star of David bought, prayers absolutely butchered, and pork avoided---as best as I could, of course. I hate to admit it, but as God pushes honesty, I'll expose my truth: I have never been more prideful and stubborn than during those two months. I thought that since I was a chosen child of God, I was better than everyone else. That couldn't have been further from the truth! Even though I was getting closer to God, I was following laws that Jesus defeated on the cross. Even though I felt more content with myself, I was making others feel excluded. That reality hit me in November, coming from the person I trusted the most: my boyfriend.
We've been dating for almost two and a half years. I want to be with him for eternity. Praise God, because the purpose my boyfriend had from God helped me in the most impactful way: it led me to pick up my cross and follow Him. We had been talking about Jesus for a while over the phone and---probably because of my little faith---I was scared. He knew so much about God and the Bible, it made me feel conflicted and afraid that what I was doing was wrong. One night, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. He asked if I believed in Jesus. "Probably. I know He's definitely the Messiah," was my unsure response. "He's God, do you believe that?" I paused. I didn't know. My stubbornness flooded back, "I don't know, I just know He's the Messiah." I was in denial. There was a spiritual war inside of me, and had been for a while, disguised by self-validation and acting like a victim. It was as if my sins spoke for me. I felt disgusting and confused and nervous and upset. My boyfriend was very calm, teaching me many things in the restaurant and car ride back to our houses. I got back home, with my family out on an errand, and started crying and hyperventilating. That phrase "once a Jew, always a Jew," meant for gratitude and honor, manifested into a spiritually devastating mindset that led me to this mess. "I'm a Jew, and only a Jew," my mind echoed, "so how could I betray God and follow Jesus? That's not right! I'm one of God's chosen people, I can't betray Him!" Then, a revelation. God led me to look up what the number thirty-three meant---the number I've been seeing constantly for nearly two years and interpreting incorrectly. Thirty-three represents divinity of the Holy Trinity, Jesus' age at death, and the closest-connected number to Jesus' life, crucifixion, and resurrection. To say I cried would be an understatement. The Lord Jesus was speaking to me for two years, and I didn't listen. I wept. I cried out to God like never before, wailing and asking for forgiveness. Not only did I ask for forgiveness, but I gave Jesus the ultimate thanks. I proclaimed Him as the Christ that night, and made a vow to pick up my cross and turn from my old life. I haven't gone back since. My boyfriend---the beautiful, perfect vessel God used to guide me to Him---and I now talk about Jesus all the time, help each other with our faith, read Bibles, go to church, and have gotten baptized. Truly, I have never known more peace. My worries were gone and my mind was quiet. It was exactly what I needed to realize why following Judaism was impossible: "It is finished." While on the cross, He killed all those laws, killed all sin, while still giving us hope in Him and the new traditions He'd bring to mix in with the old. I never want to leave Him. I talk to Jesus all the time, since I know He hears me. That in itself is beautiful, the fact that the Creator who spoke the universe into existence listens to me. I messed up so bad, hearing that, as a Jewish woman, following Jesus would betray the covenant God made with my ancestors. Hearing that I absolutely had to stick to Jewish traditions or else I would be a disappointment, and I followed that. I followed the ideas of the world, judged others constantly, lusted, lied, cursed. Yet, God listened to me. He still showed me thirty-threes and answered my prayers on a whim. I get tears in my eyes every time I think about that---even now as I'm writing. It's because I didn't deserve it. I still don't. But, I am redeemed. I am glad in times of suffering. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am delivered. I am a child of God, equal to everyone no matter of ethnicity or status. I am saved because of the sacrifice of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
God has put it in my heart---within the last three years---of the career He wants for me. Because of my interest in organization, art, and decor, He has led me to interior design. I don't think there's a better job out there for me than to be an interior designer. God led me to be accepted into the Rochester Institute of Technology for not only a bachelor's degree in interior design, but a master's degree in architecture. This scholarship, even if it is small, could help me so much. It would give me more help to use my God-given talents. Besides, I plan to be enrolled at RIT for six years because of the combined program, so any money can help. Truly, this award would be such a blessing for two people: my parents. Even the smallest amount of money that is gifted towards my tuition is a smaller weight off their shoulders. To know that the funds for my academics are being lessened would be an incredible sound for them to hear. The Lord has given me the best parents. I know every child says that, but I mean it. They support me in every way, so I want to help them too.
As a woman in this day and age, I am seeing more and more people say they hate children and babies. The most heartbreaking, however, is that I'm hearing more women, and younger girls, get abortions. I mourn for them, both the mothers and unborn gifts. God has given me such a large heart for children and babies, blessing me to yearn for children in the future. I want to help raise the next generation of God-fearing children. I want to help a child live. It is one of my special, God-given duties as a woman to care for and birth God's lovely, precious creations. I pray to have children and a godly husband someday. This money could help to fund that. I could save it and bless my children or husband with it in the future. Plus, diapers are expensive! However, there is one true reason I can achieve anything. "With God, all things are possible," Matthew 19:26.