Moods. When I'm Happy, I light the world on fire. When I'm Sad, I stay in bed for days. When I'm Angry, My wrath shakes the ground. When I'm Scared, I lose my breath for awhile. I'm Erratic. And Wild. With no self control. I'm a Rollercoaster and you'll never know which side of me you're gonna get.

Mental illness has impacted every part of my life. My depression kept me in bed and my eating disorder kept me skeletal and unhealthy. I had become almost unrecognizable from the vibrant child I used to be. It took hitting “rock bottom” to for me to rise again. I am a survivor of sexual abuse, an eating disorder, and depression. My mental illness made me a strong woman and I am going to tell you about how it has affected my life and what I am going to do about it. My depression came to my attention when my grandmother died of cancer. We were close, and her death caused me to spiral into grief. I was soon bullied at my high school by mean girls, further isolating me from my peers. I began to go to therapy, which did not help me as much as I would have hoped. I then had an episode the summer after ninth grade and ended up in the mental health hospital for a couple hours. Around the same time, I thought I would be beautiful if I ate very little and worked out constantly. My body became skeletal and it grew harder and harder to get out of bed. I had cramps so bad once from lack of nutrients that I threw up and got sent to the Emergency Room. The doctor did not do anything, but the pain I felt scared me into eating more food. My body issues still persisted. My previous therapist was not a good fit for me and could not relate to my issues. I was sent to group therapy after my episode and it was the best therapy I have ever had. I remember the psychiatrist had shed tears for me and the powerful show of empathy influenced my future career goals. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and the group therapy people made me feel so seen, like I was someone worth knowing. A few months later, I was with a girl that I thought of as a friend. I got intoxicated and she left me in a house full of guys. I was sixteen and did not know yet that they all wanted to hurt me. One of them waited until I was barely unconscious and sexually assaulted me. This night altered my life. I grew very numb and depressed. It took a very long time to heal from that night. I still cry over the girl that did not know she was a lamb stuck with wolves. A few months after the incident, I was running a track meet and fell over and seized. I was not allowed to continue my track season, and that broke my heart. The doctor I talked to thought part of it had to do with unresolved trauma and asked me if I had ever been sexually abused. I answered yes, and was sent to a therapist that was wonderful. She was very understanding. The sessions helped me through the grief I struggled with. I still struggle with my depression today, but I can handle it in a healthier way. My body issues have lessened significantly, but still persist occasionally. I grew from my trauma and my chosen major is Psychology. I plan to eventually reach Medical School to become a psychiatrist. The doctor at group therapy had a lasting impression on me, and I want to be a rock for people that struggle in life. I plan to help people with mental illness as best as I am able and give empathy as best I can.