I have lived all my life disabled, but I have only known this for a few years. I knew something was wrong with me, but I was never sure what it was. I was called a liar, dramatic, sensitive, and attention-seeking when I really was just disabled and misunderstood. Since my senior year in high school, I have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and many health conditions that have physically disabled me. My autism diagnosis, while not a physical disability, was one of the most important moments of my life. And looking back, my autism was extremely obvious. I never fit in or knew what to say, if I was even able to talk. I felt like an alien or like everyone in my life knew something I didn't. I developed OCD and extreme paranoia, thinking other people could hear my thoughts or were watching me all the time. All of this is to say, learning I was autistic and becoming a part of the disabled community changed my life. For the first time in my life, I understood everything. Why I couldn't make friends, and why I didn't really even want them. Why I was so sensitive to everyday sounds like chewing, and why I couldn't stand to eat school lunch food. Why I was so depressed and anxious starting in elementary school, despite living in what society deemed a perfect family. All of the things I had questioned throughout my life clicked the instant I was diagnosed. From that moment, I was finally able to believe myself about the pain and dysfunction I was going through every day. I had the confidence to tell my parents that my pain was real and that I needed to see a doctor. My life became all about appointments for most of my senior year. I wasn't hanging out with friends, going to school events, and I wasn't super present when I was able to go to dance practice. These appointments kept giving additional moments of clarity about the concerns I'd had all my life. I was finally vindicated by diagnosis after diagnosis, and medication after medication. It turned out that daily migraines, passing out, extreme dizziness, joint pain, periods lasting 2 weeks, and breaking out in hives regularly actually wasn't normal. But I had been told for so long that it was, and I believed it. Getting these diagnoses and joining the disabled community was the most liberating thing I've experienced. Each diagnosis came with instant relief and happiness, which sounds counterintuitive, but I was finally being seen and listened to. I remember having my first appointment with a cardiologist on my 18th birthday, and I came to ballet class that night, beaming because I was given a heart monitor. My classmates and teachers were so concerned because that meant something was wrong, and I was happy because it meant something was wrong, and it wasn't all in my head. I've been passionate about disability rights, awareness, and acceptance since my first diagnosis. I'm getting a minor in autism studies and try to keep learning about disabilities so I can be as accessible and inclusive as I can be. Now, as a dance teacher, and in the future when I work in psychology. Being disabled is still really hard, and learning how much more different I thought I was from other people stung. But it also gave me perspective. I learned that I am strong and capable. I strive to see other disabled people as strong and capable, because I did not think I was for most of my life.

I spent most of my life believing I must have been put on Earth by mistake, like I was an alien. It seemed that everyone else got an instruction manual for existence, and that they knew I didn't get one. It was almost amusing for them to watch me struggle to figure out what was so obvious. I knew I didn’t belong; I just didn’t know why. Getting my autism diagnosis at 17 was when everything started to click. The years I spent without friends, the nights I spent crying, wondering what was wrong with me, all the weird looks and comments I got from strangers. It all finally made sense in the most heartbreaking, discouraging way. The first few months after my diagnosis were some of the hardest months of my life. I had to reevaluate every interaction and relationship I ever had. I had to figure out who I really was. That led to autism burnout and severe depression. My senior year of high school was miserable. I was finally starting to realize how other people saw me and could tell when my peers were being disingenuous. After months of trying therapies and acceptance, I was put on ketamine therapy, and that was what pulled me out of that darkness. I graduated from high school and started going to college, living with my grandma. She has helped me grow so much, and her understanding of my autism has helped me be so successful in school. I initially planned to go to school to earn my bachelor’s degree in psychology, but I have since added a second bachelor’s degree in dance and a minor in autism studies. Because I have learned how to accommodate myself and ask for the help I need, I am able to take 19 credits a semester. I work in the summers and have an Etsy shop to go towards tuition, but I still need a lot of help since I cannot work and go to school. I spend nearly 30 hours a week in dance classes alone, and many more doing coursework for my psychology classes. I have learned how to manage my time and energy to accomplish everything I need to, but I seldom have energy for anything more. I have learned how to stand up for myself and ask for what I need from all my professors. Learning how to advocate for myself and figuring out what my limits are has truly changed my life. I never imagined I’d be successful in college, let alone while double-majoring. I could barely even imagine staying alive long enough to go to college. Not only did it change my life, but my autism diagnosis saved my life.

"Are you okay?" is such a simple question with such a profound impact. I spent my childhood being the problem child while simultaneously being ignored. The brain tumor was all that got paid attention to, and if I said anything was wrong, I was brushed off as wanting the attention to be back on me. It's my sister's birthday and I have a headache? "She's clearly upset that the party isn't for her". I'm constantly dizzy and passing out? "She just wants another doctor to put her on medications she doesn't need". Remarks like this were frequent during my childhood. My concerns were always dismissed because my family was under the assumption I could only have one thing wrong with me. I was born with my one allowed health problem, so no one listened when I had the symptoms of what turned out to be multiple chronic health conditions and disabilities. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that any of these concerns were taken seriously. Once they were, I was almost immediately diagnosed with autism, ADHD, chronic migraines, and POTS. The autism diagnosis came first, and once my parents realized I wasn't lying, they let me see doctors and get treatment, but the damage was done. My parents' ignoring and gaslighting me took a toll on my ability to trust and open up to people. I am so closed off to the world and I'm scared of affection and intimacy. I don't trust my parents to tell them about depressive episodes until I can't get out of bed for days. I don't trust anyone enough, for that matter. Unpacking my childhood experiences with a therapist made me realize how important it is to listen to and believe what others tell you. Not being believed gave me intense complex trauma that I deal with daily. It is still shocking when someone takes me at my word and comforts me when I say I'm not okay. While I'm not sure what I want to do with my career, I know I will be there to listen to and believe the people who come to me. Whether I'm counseling them, prescribing medications, or just listening as a friend, my biggest goal is to be someone that people feel like they can come to and be heard. I never want my support to come as a surprise like other's support has always been for me. And I hope that others will be honest when I ask, "Are you okay?"

I grew up in a church and household that was very ignorant and anti-LGBTQ+. I also grew up in Idaho and now live in Utah, both are places that aren't known for being the most accepting of our community. Because of this, I spent the majority of my life very confused. It was drilled into me at a very young age that being gay was bad, it was often compared to murder. So, when I started feeling attracted to other girls, I panicked. And for a long time, I was convinced I was trans because I was never told that was a sin. I believed that because I liked girls, I must have been a boy. Once I realized that I was not trans, I convinced myself I was just asexual. I gaslit myself in a way into believing that I was not attracted to anyone. It took until high school for me to come to terms with the fact that I am queer, and that shame that was instilled into me as a kid is still here. That shame is the reason that the LGBT community is so important to me. It was the first community to fully accept who I am. My first time going to Pride was so unforgettable. I had to sneak out with friends to go so my parents wouldn't find out, and it was probably the most fun I had during that time of my life. Queer joy is such a beautiful thing to witness and experience. Soon after that, I started dating a girl, who I still my girlfriend over 3 years later. That was the first time I felt such a genuine love. I didn't think anyone could love and accept me the way she does. We still have to hide our relationship from my family, as I don't know how they would react. I know their opinions of me would change, and that's not something I can risk while I'm still reliant on them. It sucks not being able to be myself and having to hide her, but it's so worth it. She gives me hope and is the reason I keep going. For my career goals, I am planning on going into psychology. I don't know exactly what I'll do, but my first goal is to be able to be a safe space for people like me. I also want to go into the fitness and dance industries. I am disabled and want to make those areas more accessible to people who aren't typically welcomed into those spaces. No matter what I do, I want to create a space that is welcoming to anyone who has felt out of place. I want to provide support to people who couldn't get it from their family or community. I also want to get involved in local activist and social impact groups. I attend events already but would eventually love to organize or write for these groups and events. Thank you for your time and consideration for this scholarship!

I plan on becoming a personal trainer and using my psychology degree to help disabled people exercise in an accessible and comfortable way. Being autistic and physically disabled myself, it has been hard to adapt exercises to my needs. It is hard for me to know if I am pushing it too hard or if I am doing something wrong. I believe psychology is very important when it comes to exercise, and it isn't talked about enough. We all know the benefits of exercise, but many people don't utilize their mind-to-muscle connections or the power their thoughts have to enhance performance. I am going to focus on teaching clients to be in touch with their body and learn what it needs. We will discuss goals and create a training program that will be functional, or apply to tasks they do often. Then we will work on visualizing doing these exercises at the level they want. Then we will implement workouts, prioritizing how their body feels instead of their performance. The goal of this is to give the client more independence through strength training and mind-body connection. Doing this myself has significantly improved my life.

I spent the first 17 years of my life not even knowing I was autistic. I was diagnosed in September of 2022 and my life was full of darkness and confusion until then. I was later diagnosed with ADHD in December, which shed even more light on why I struggle so much. No one in my life, including myself, even suspected I was neurodivergent for most of my life. Knowing this now, I am learning to accept myself and use my strengths to be more successful. I have also since found out I am physically disabled and need support with that too. I always did okay in school, I get good grades but I never stuck out as an outstanding student or a troublemaker. No one paid much attention to me and how much I actually struggled every day. I have always had debilitating sensory issues that make it incredibly hard to focus if they are triggered. But whenever I brought it up I would be called sensitive or dramatic. Now that I learned that my brain genuinely works differently, I can accommodate myself, which makes schoolwork significantly easier. This is just one example of many things that I have learned and used to make my life more manageable. Because I spent most of my life not knowing how much harder my life is, I have become a very strong person. I know that I can do anything despite my multiple disabilities. I have a really strong work ethic and I can do even more now that I can accommodate all of the things that previously stopped me from trying my best or trying new things. In college, I will be studying psychology and dance. To accommodate my disabilities, I will take 5 years to get my bachelor's to allow for a lighter course load. I am very passionate about both of my majors and I am very excited to be able to study subjects I love so much, while still limiting myself. I know that by taking fewer classes, I will do my very best in each class and get everything that I can out of it. They are both subjects I know a lot about already and that I love learning new things about. I also know that I will be able to provide new perspectives and ideas to my classes and professors because of my background as a disabled person. I do not know what exactly I want to do as a career yet, but I do know that I want to help other people like me. I want to make mental healthcare more accessible to minorities, such as LGBT+ people, people of color, women, and disabled people. I also want to make the dance community more accessible and teach disabled people how to dance with their disability. Learning to dance in a studio full of able-bodied and non-autistic people can be very challenging and I want to make that experience easier for anyone like me. I know that in both fields I can use my experience to help other people in the same situations I have been in. Because it took me so long to discover that I am neurodivergent and disabled, I had to come up with my own solutions that I can teach clients to improve their lives. Being able to help others like that will make me so happy. Overall, I know that no matter what I do, I can and will be successful in the future.

I have been dizzy for as long as I can remember. I have so many memories of fainting, being scared of fainting, or just feeling miserable because of my dizziness. My mom would always tell me that she got lightheaded when she stood up too, not realizing how different this was. I was always brushed off saying it was normal, or it was because of sinus issues, medications, or my fault. In reality, this was caused by multiple, undiagnosed chronic conditions that greatly affect my everyday life. Discovering that I am chronically ill was a huge reality check for me. I grew up knowing I have asthma, severe seasonal allergies, sinus problems, migraines, as well as many mental health issues, yet I had no idea my health would consume so much of my time. I have spent much more time in hospitals and at appointments than anyone else I know. I even had a brain tumor as a baby, but not even that could prepare me for the realization of what my new life would be. One condition I have is called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). It causes dizziness, fainting, exercise intolerance, fatigue, and many other symptoms, it feels like you are always sick with the flu. I am also a competitive dancer, which has been extremely hard. In dance, you jump and turn very frequently, and both can make my symptoms worse. Because of this, I am a very strong person. I spent years without answers to what was wrong with me or how to fix it. I started to believe it was just all in my head or I was being dramatic when in reality it was a disabling condition. Before being diagnosed with POTS, I had always dreamed of being a professional dancer or dance teacher. Now I know that it can’t be a reality for me, and I am still coming to terms with it. It makes me feel so sad that I have to give up my dreams for the sake of my health. I have another condition, a connective tissue disorder, which will likely mean I will need to use a wheelchair in the future. Dance is already unsafe for me, when I’m supposed to be in my prime. But my body doesn’t always function properly, and I’ve had to accept that. Now, my goal and dream is to work in psychology. It is a job that is not physical, and I am very passionate about it. I want to help disabled people like me and help them come to terms with what it means to be disabled to them. My goal is to get people out of the pit of despair we are often stuck in as a minority group. There is so much grief that comes with being disabled, especially when it comes out of nowhere. You have to grieve the life you had and the life you wanted. You have to say goodbye to a lot of freedom and you need to rely on others more, not out of weakness but out of necessity. I am also autistic, and I believe I can help more people than a non-disabled person in so many ways. Being disabled is such a hard experience to understand from the outside and I know how good it feels to feel validated. My biggest goal is to help in creating a more accepting and loving world, to get rid of the inequity that harms millions of people. My medical conditions have pushed me harder to help people like me.

I grew up not even knowing I was disabled. My senior year of high school has been filled with learning about myself, from diagnoses, doctors’ appointments, and personal struggles. I have grown so much in discovering that I am disabled and coming to terms with the label. I spent the first seventeen years of my life not knowing how much harder my life is than most people. I put my mind and body in so much pain and stress thinking it was normal. Whenever I brought up something to my parents, they would always blame it on me having anxiety or being side effects from the brain tumor I had as a baby and the medical trauma it gave me. At the start of my senior year, I was diagnosed with autism. It changed my entire life. I discovered that I have sensory issues and experience pain and discomfort in unusual ways. After that, I was able to finally start seeing specialists and get answers. The diagnosis was the catalyst to discovering that my symptoms are caused by multiple disorders, some autoimmune and some not. I realized that I was often subject to medical gaslighting, being told by doctors, psychiatrists, and even family members that everything I experience is because of anxiety or my eating and exercise habits. Understanding my mind and body better was essential for me. Now I can advocate for myself without feeling ashamed. Because of how little help I got as a child, I am now a strong person. While it was traumatic and hurt my body, I know how to push through anything. I have competitively danced for four years, against at least mostly able-bodied peers. I started dancing late and being chronically ill, I was very disadvantaged. But I know how to work hard and now I am one of the most advanced dancers at my studio. I train in many styles and dance en pointe. I train so hard every day in the studio, and while it’s incredibly challenging, it’s so worth it. Dance has shown me how strong I am, and I’m proud of myself for not giving up despite how much harder it is for me. Multiple of my conditions cause exercise intolerance, chronic pain, nausea, and dizziness, all of which make dancing extremely challenging. I love it so much and it has taught me a lot about myself. Having so many challenges has taught me that I can do anything and learning how to accommodate myself helps tremendously. Outside of dance, I run a small jewelry business. Jewelry is a great creative outlet for me, especially during flares. I can do it all in bed, and it’s a nice and small source of income in the midst of my remarkably busy life. I also am starting to make jewelry in support of or to create more awareness for mental and physical conditions, as well as LGBT+ identities. My business is still small and will be nowhere close to covering college expenses and medical expenses that my family at home may be unable to cover. I likely will not be able to have a “normal” or typical job in college because of my mental and physical health, so my business will be my main source of income. Even if I will work, I won’t be able to work many hours so financial aid is necessary for me. I need the time to rest to be successful. I have the ability and motivation to excel, but I do need assistance. Thank you for allowing me to apply for this scholarship.

My health journey has been long and is still ongoing. I have many health problems and being healthy is more challenging for me than for most people. I am always trying to become healthier and learn what my body needs. My health journey started when I was a baby. Around 14 months old, my parents found out I had a brain tumor, which was then surgically removed. While the tumor hasn't come back, I've had to have a lot of MRIs done to make sure it hasn't. Those gave me some medical trauma and made me very scared of doctors and going to appointments. I was always horrified when I had to get IVs, shots, or have someone I didn't know get close to me. I had to overcome that fear because of all of the health issues I have today. I go to up to two or three appointments each week, as I have weekly and monthly appointments. I see new doctors somewhat regularly as well. I have regular migraines, vertigo, and fatigue, among many other symptoms and no doctor has been able to diagnose me or find a helpful medication. Since we don’t know what is going on, I often treat my body like I have a chronic condition. I have chronic symptoms and feel better when I care for my body. I eat as healthy as I can, I drink a lot of electrolytes, and I exercise often. I’m on a dance team and have around 10 to 14 hours of practice a week. When I don’t have dance I either take those days to rest or will work out at the gym. I am also autistic, which presents its own health challenges. I have debilitating sensory issues, trouble sleeping and a lot of stomach pain. Eating healthy has always been hard for me, as sensory differences make certain textures impossible to eat and some foods upset my stomach. I have been able to find foods that I can consistently eat and eat them regularly, and when I eat processed foods, I make sure they still have nutrition. I drink green smoothies often and try to avoid eating a lot of processed sugar and carbs. I struggle with sleep also. With sensory issues, it’s very hard to sleep when the room isn’t completely quiet. I also have problems with temperature regulation and have chronic pain. While it's hard for me to sleep, I do all I can to make it as good as possible. I take a medication that helps with sleep and do my best to have good sleep hygiene. I have a fairly good sleep schedule; dance makes it hard to have a completely consistent one though. A lot of my energy also goes to my mental health as well. My mental health is very important to me and my physical health. I was diagnosed with autism at 17, so my mental health suffered immensely before then, as I didn’t know what was causing me so much pain. Now that I am diagnosed, I am learning how to really care for my health and how my brain works differently than most people. I am working on truly learning who I am and what I need, and that is already improving my mental health significantly. Understanding that has helped me get accommodations at home and school so I can succeed. While it is challenging, I am always striving to be healthier. I try to keep my body as healthy as I can and am always learning how to better care for it.

Mental illness and the stigma surrounding them have been two of the most influential parts of my life. I got my first diagnosis in 8th grade and am still working on getting new, more accurate diagnoses. I have been officially diagnosed with panic disorder, depression, and OCD, and have self-diagnosed myself with misophonia, as it is not recognized in the DSM. My counselor agrees that I have it, too. I’ve also recently started talking to my counselor about and looking into an autism diagnosis. Additionally, I grew up in a high demand religion and was raised in a shame and guilt filled environment a lot of the time. I am part of the LGBTQ+ community and that religion has strong beliefs against this lifestyle. I have struggled a lot with self-worth, accepting myself and others, and being comfortable with who I am. Since I am currently seventeen and junior, I still go to this church for my parents; but I realized early in middle school that I had no interest in the belief system. I never had strong faith in the beliefs and have learned more about the doctrine and early history and don't want anything to do with it anymore. With my autism like symptoms, I struggle with social interactions, understanding cues, knowing what to say to start conversations, etc. Having regular panic attacks and sensory issues have influenced my ability to socialize as well. All those symptoms, plus many more, have had an immense impact on my life. Starting and maintaining relationships have always been hard for me. I think that they have had some good influence on me too, though. Struggling so much with my mental health, as well as plenty physical health problems, has taught me to be more patient and understanding with others. I always try my absolute best to be kind and understanding, and while that is something I can sometimes struggle with, I consciously try to remember how much other people can impact me. I am also planning on going into the mental health field after college. I want to go into counseling, specifically trauma related. With my religious trauma and shame for being an LGBTQ+ person from my childhood, I would like to help people in a similar situation. I know that this career will be very challenging for me, but it will be extremely rewarding. I want to be the person I needed in my life during middle school and the beginning of high school. Being female and a young person, I’ve been deeply affected by stigmas around mental illness. My sensory issues and panic attacks just get brushed under the rug and I’m constantly told that I'm "being sensitive". When I can explain what's really going on, people usually understand, but I want to be able to skip that step. I want to live in a world where saying you are autistic or have OCD is taken like any physical illness or ailment, not questioned, or denied. I want our society to accept mental health as a valid reason to rest or take a day off, just like you would if you got sick or injured. I want there to be open dialogue about anyone and everyone’s mental health, no matter their age, gender, race, or orientation. I currently do what I can to educate others and spread awareness, by talking about and posting about it on social media and telling people in my life about certain issues. I want to be able to use my profession and platform as an adult to reach and teach even more people.

One way to help more people struggling with mental health is simply raising awareness and removing the stigma around mental illness. In my sociology class this year for a project, I made a survey about mental health and how a diagnosis impacts how other people treat them. A majority of participants said that when their friends and family found out about a diagnosis they received, they got more support and sympathy from them. Feeling accepted and supported by those you love will make it easier to ask for help. The opposite was also true for some. A few people also said people acted like they are insane or that mental illness is contagious. This is why our society needs to get rid of the stigma surrounding mental health. People often don't seek help for their mental illness because society often sees mental illness as a weakness, or not a legitimate problem. If more people are educated on mental health and raise awareness, the more people struggling with mental health will feel safe and reach out for help. Another solution, though less practical, is making therapy, psychiatry, and other mental health services more accessible and affordable. Money can often be a big source of stress and people with severe mental illness might struggle to reach out. Online therapy is a great solution for this problem, its an easy way for people to find someone to talk to online, and its usually less expensive. I do think that making in person counseling more similar to this as well could benefit a lot of people. I can't do this alone, but I always do my best to educate others and raise awareness for mental illness. While I can't reach a ton of people, I know I'm always helping someone.