The way that I have grown in the past year is that I am finally allowing myself to become who I truly am. When I first stepped through The Citadel's Military college gates I had just turned 18 and knew nothing about life. I grew up in a small town in the south, my graduating high school class only had a hundred people. I also had strict parents, a big heart, and child-like innocence about how the world worked. I attended The Citadel and wanted to be in Army like my mom was before me. My freshman year consisted of a BootCamp that lasted nine months. 18-hour work days, combining military school, the Army, athletics, and academics. Got yelled at all time, and struggled with time management, but those struggles are what I prepared for. What I wasn't prepared for was the social aspect of college. I am not going to write this essay about my freshman year, I am going to write about my sophomore year. In sophomore year I got a job as the Mascot Handler, I was in charge of taking care of the bulldog, The Citadel's live mascot. I took the dog to class, parades, sporting events, formations, club meetings, as well as special functions for the school. I met all types of new people, I met generals, colonels, rich alumni, and my own peers. Meeting all of these people from different backgrounds, different cultures, different religions, and different stories taught me one thing about people. People are selfish, not everyone is kind, and a lot of people just worry about themselves, not everyone wants to be friends or wish for your success. A lot of people, especially in military school, are just trying to survive. I learned a lot of hard truths, not a lot of people care what you've been through or your story. They care about their own success and don't care who they put down to get here. I've been lied to, betrayed by best friends, bullied, and witnessed my best friend's suicide, but the worst was being sexually assaulted by someone in my chain of command. This particular situation changed me as a person, I went from a naive southern girl full of hope and belief in the good of people to a cold shell of myself. I went through depression, I went from a bubbly and happy girl to someone who couldn't feel. My kindness and my heart dried up, the nightmares, panic attacks, and depression made me into this skeleton. I spent months this way, wondering where my soul went, my parents didn't even recognize me. But I spent the summer doing journaling, yoga, going to therapy, and conducting research on sexual assaults in the military. I learned a lot about myself, and a lot of things changed but I needed to look at who I was now. Two years had passed since I walked through those guarded gates to The Citadel. I learned that people suck sometimes, and that life is hard and isn't fair, but I also learned that it is up to you on how to live life. Do you choose to live in sadness and fear? Or do you choose to remain who you are? I realized that I was a chronic people pleaser, but now I refuse to sacrifice who I am and what I do to make other people happy. I can't change what happened to me, my past, but I can choose the future. I choose my own happiness, never hide my true self, and most importantly always choose kindness.

My mom fought in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq in 1990. She was a medical nurse who tended to the wounded soldiers. I grew up looking up to my mom, she was so kind, smart, confident, and always told stories of her time in the Army. Her dad, my grandfather, fought in Korea and inspired her to join the Army. Being in the United States Army always seemed like a prophecy that I had to fulfill. I grew up listening to stories of bravery, perseverance, and friendships that last a lifetime. It wasn't until I experienced boot camp that I realized that it wasn't like this fairytale story. I grew up believing in the good of the world, and in the good of people, I wanted to serve my country. My first two years in the Army were not easy. Getting little sleep, toxic leadership, mediocre food, getting yelled at all the time. My mom didn't tell me out about the ugly parts, losing your friends and attending their funeral when you're the same age. With the struggles with mental health that we experience, there were times when I wanted to quit. I had to think about what got me here, think about what I wanted to do with my life. If all this pain and all this work were worth it. I went through assault, harassment, bullying, and losing my Army buddies to suicide. So I asked myself "what was it all for?" It hit me one day when I was talking to my fellow women in my unit. I am here to honor the women who served before me. I am here to honor my mom, my grandfather, to honor those who died for my freedom to choose this life. I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and start looking at what future lies ahead of me. I knew I wanted a JAG officer, I want to represent my fellow soldiers and veterans, so I went to school to become one. I now attend The Citadel, getting my BA in Political Science: Pre-law and Legal studies. I want this scholarship to honor all those that came before. This essay asks how my experience as the daughter of a veteran shaped my life. My answer is honor, to honor my mom who experienced combat during the gulf war and saw the unimaginable as an Army nurse. Not only to honor her but the brave women who served before me, when there weren't as many rules to protect women. A time when it was not as common for women to join the military. These brave women paved the way for women like me, so I could serve in a safer Army. I now know that my career aspiration is to be a JAG officer in the United States Army and that I want to honor my mom and serve my country.