I’ve always felt different because of how noticeable I was. As of today, I, a 17 year old girl, am 6’1 and fat. No, I don’t mean just a little bit chubby, I mean fat. You can say I was fated to be this way, because I was born from a 5’11 woman and a 6’5 man, who themselves have also always been on the bigger side. So as I like to joke, I’ve been ‘doomed” from the start. I’ve always been one of the tallest in my classes, and one of the biggest. It never really phased me until I heard the snide comments people would give me. It rooted the insecurities so deep, that I am still digging to uproot them. As I continued to grow in age, so did those roots. Because no matter how much I tried to lose weight, like going on my first diet in the 6th grade, nothing worked. I continued to grow in many not so good ways. From all the comments I had to induce, the roots of my insecurities grew deeper and deeper. Causing me, the tallest and biggest tree in the forest, to face worse and worse conditions. The conditions being anxiety and depression, which slowly took the light I needed to grow. By 8th grade, I had little to no confidence, and my social skills and happiness were drained. My parents noticed how different I had changed, and it wasn’t for the better. I wasn’t my true self. So they enrolled me into therapy, giving me the fertilizer to help bring life back to my leaves. I began to get the help and skills I needed, slowly starting to get better. But with the stress and changes of going into high school, I still had lots to work on. The conditions I had during this time was like the bipolar weather North Carolina can have in a week. So I continued to grow, and get better, in hopes that one day the light would be mostly back. After 11th grade, I was doing better than I ever had, but I was still missing a lot of light that I needed to grow. So, I decided to get on medication, adding another layer of fertilizer to help me get better. At first, I didn’t want to get on medication, because in my head it was just another thing that made me stand out. So instead of just being the Tall, Fat, Quiet and Anxious girl, I would also be the one on medication. But despite the thoughts that blew through my mind, I went on it, and I am glad I did. Since then, I have become much more confident in myself, had a brighter view on life, and was finally able to be my true self without hiding it. I stand proudly in who I am, even if sometimes things get bad again, and others try to chop me down.

Ever since I was little, I remember my mom showing me all the shows and movies she liked when she was growing up. Some of which were crime shows. They not only sparked my love for them, but also brought forth a new passion, and a career I could truly see myself in. These shows sprouted my love for Forensics, and it only continues to grow more and more. Everything I found on forensics seemed like something I would not only be good at doing, but also love doing. I’ve always been more interested and successful in science and math classes, I like being able to find out answers to questions, and love being able to work hands-on. So with all these factors involved, it only seemed right for me to do forensics, because it is something I feel like I would be good at, and it is something that interests me and I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. Now during this time of figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, Covid was still around. I was a pre-teen trying to figure myself and the world out. So being stuck at home really didn’t help this process, and by the end of it, I was very mentally unwell. I was constantly overthinking, depressed, anxious, and gaining a new hatred for myself. Now, all of this didn’t just happen over night, and it wasn’t just because of covid. I was frequently bullied as a child, either for my height, weight, appearance, or interests. It made me feel like I couldn’t be myself, which made me constantly try to “fix” myself, and I became someone I wasn't. These feelings only continued to grow, but it only became a major issue when covid struck, because I was by myself, with my thoughts and feelings. It was hard for me to go a day without feeling mentally drained. The terrible irrational thoughts constantly took over my brain, and made it hard for me to find joy like I used to. Thankfully, in the 8th grade, my parents decided to send me to therapy in hopes I would get better. They hated seeing me like this, like any parent would, but also because they understood how I felt. They, themselves, had the same feelings as a kid. They wanted me to have the help and resources they never had. This decision changed not only my life, but theirs, because I can now say that therapy and mental health medicine has changed my life for the better. Even when things were bad, I continued to work towards my future, and now that senior year has come, I continue to figure out my future. I’ve known I wanted to do forensics for awhile but going about the college process made me realize another reason why I am so passionate about forensics. Forensics is the examination and analysis of evidence and DNA found at a crime scene. With the information found, the person behind the crime, and truth of what happened is found. Which brings relief to all people involved, and is something I've always needed. The relief of knowing. My overthinking has caused me to need answers. So being able to find answers for people, that hopefully helps ease their overthinking, is healing in a way. Because I am able to bring some relief to those who are overthinking and going crazy without answers, which is something I understand almost too well. To me, that is one of the best things I can do for someone.

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