Autism comes with hypersensitivity. Sounds vibrate in your chest: the subtleties in a sharp gasp, a person’s voice, every moment hit hard. A good story sung to the key of powerful diction and passion makes my heart shudder or poignant lines by my favorite anime characters. To witness the red of hard shed blood or tears glistening in a heartbroken girl’s eyes shine sharp. To make me happy, I’ll watch a good story: a car in a college dorm, questions about where and who someone belongs, the moments of introspection on a school roof with the wind at someone’s hair, and the beautiful gravity of a first kiss. I don’t need the best car or house, not kids or a pet, or even that much money. Color is more than enough. To see the shade of love’s first blush, the cherry blossoms, the shades of blue, black, grey, gold, and all things in between painted within the prose of a good book. To live in another’s moment to moment. To feel those tiny instants that change everything. Watching life in all its mystique is all I need to be content.

When asked about their greatest strengths or their toughest moments, many will have stories of overcoming them. The stories of when they had a bully at school and either stood on their own two feet or had the courage to seek help from a trusted adult, sometimes it was the fight to thrive in an environment ill-suited for success, sometimes these fights are against the ones who should love and protect them, or even themselves when their minds are filled with the negative thoughts of anxiety and numbing effect of depression making their world listless and grey. I can attest to the last one. At sixteen years old I’d had three fits of extreme anxiety and the latest introducing me to depression. I could tell you how through time and effort I overcame my struggles to come out stronger and continue on my way toward my ambitions. Instead, I’ll tell of how I found what really mattered to me in life and how blurry images spurred by ambition turned into a clear path to a productive and sound career. A simple life that allowed me to sustain myself, be productive, and most of all happy and at peace. To do so I had to accept some hard truths about myself. I had to realize my limitations and to what extent fighting my laziness and rising above was dedication rather than fervor to be perfect and only feeding my stress. This last year has made me realize just how narrow my vision had been in regards to simply living and experiencing life. When I could have been enjoying a dance with my friends or going to the school carnival, I was too worried about finishing my homework assignments and lamenting over Geometry. My thoughts centered on how everyone around me did more and were more than most; they took chances to further themselves. Something I accepted anyway but still pondered on one question. What made me stand out? Many clubs at school would catch my eye, but again grades and deadlines were my priority forcing me to pass on many opportunities simply because of doubt and the possibility of less than an A. To me, my value only lay in the fact that I wrangled the highest grades of my classmates and the amount of work and sacrifice it took to get there. Among quarantine, virtual classes, and more demanding coursework I saw what truly made Townview such an enjoyable experience for me. It wasn’t the stimulating classes or the perfect sanctuary to study and excel without judgment. The truly valuable part was finally finding my niche among friends. Finally having the chance to laugh and joke with others, to be invited to hang out or have a seat in the cafeteria to chat about life and inane stuff. To complain about teachers and gossip. By all means, I still have my dreams and I wish the best for myself and to rise above the poor area I started from. However, those plans have changed to accommodate for what I truly need; a simple life where I can simply be. I wish to get my bachelor's degree in a subject that fascinates me, aim for a certificate to bolster my case, as well as nurture my writing, and get a job I love that isn’t too emotionally taxing or gobbles up my free time. Perhaps it isn’t what most interviewers or schools want to hear. It may sound like I’m simply settling rather than reaching my full potential but I disagree. When I imagine myself studying among friends, still having time to go to a party or two, helping the elderly as an aide, or talking to parents and teens through conflict resolution I feel eager and motivated to pursue that dream. I realize now that while I was driven by ambition for so long I am a simple girl at heart who simply wants to smile and remember life fondly. Anxiety and depression will never define me or break me and I will put in the work to manage them, however, I realize it will be a part of me and it will influence my decisions, as it has ultimately made my path and my true wants clearer.

I’m my sister’s baby panda. I’m her favorite. My parents wanted nothing more than a girl. I bring joy to everyone every day. I didn’t always believe that because, in my house, I have to say things two or three times for my family to hear me. People never really heard what I was saying or what I was feeling. My legacy is in everything I’ve wanted to say; everything I love, everything I hate, what brings happy tears to my eyes, and what burns my insides with rage. I first connected with a piece of fiction on an emotional watching Lemonade Mouth. The message in the film was to be heard and raise your voice against injustice. Through the brash and punk-styled protagonist Stella Yamada I learned to; “be heard, be strong, be proud, and determinate.” Yet, more poignant is how her family didn’t hear her too much either. Her parents were always too busy “saving the world and curing cancer,” and her brothers were making their own toys. It was easy to feel looked down on and inferior yet, she stood strong anyway in how she expressed her distaste for the suffering of animals, the censorship of self-expression, or blatant favoritism within a school system. The movie and its creator would forever be known for such a powerful message and feel-good movie. The kind of thing that hardly needed to be said much less twice or thrice.

1. Community is a classroom filled with alternatively fashioned, quirky kids who froth at the mouth over anime. We all just fit together, brought together and united so strong by mutual love and mutual experience. To be a part of a community is to be among the friends who let me ramble on about my passions and are there for me when I reach out for help in a way only a friend can provide. They're the ones I would trust to pull a frozen popsicle out of my lip and not be embarrassed. Community by no means needs to be blood, yet for all my talk of friends and found communities, families are just as valuable. My parents work hard and will find the ways and the means to send me to college to get a degree, the older sister who can stimulate my brain and push me to do more and study more, and the brother who treats me like a princess. To my community, I can only really give my love and gratitude. I am just a kid, yet, it's always in the intangible things that make us. What we can feel and keep in our hearts will always exceed the money or other material articles we could get. I wish to be a helping hand in my community, lift others from their dark moments, I am going to be a friend, and help others find their voices and their way. 2. Aylin Gutierrez. Seventeen years old. Anxious, autistic Latina. All that unimportant stuff. Who am I? I'm the girl who wants to be a journalist when she grows up so others can see a Hispanic name in the news who has a three-floor house, car, and a legitimate job on the fast track to leaving behind a legacy. In the future, I envision mental illness no longer remaining a taboo mystery reserved for dramatization. Instead, it would be spoken of by parents to their children, laid out in children's books, and littered in the media as a normalized, annoying, but ultimately inconsequential fraction of what makes a person. More people of more creeds and races will have the agency to take the steps toward their future galvanized by someone who looks like them, who has spoken not for them but to them. I want to advocate for everyone and everything; gay men, trans women, abused children, this world. This world is beautiful; I can remember the world being so wonderous and made of magic. It can be that way again. As for me, I would be content with who I am and be working in a job where I can be proud of the work I do. I want to see the effect I can have on people and communities. Thought and diction have always been my best talents, so I can't think of a better way to put them to my advantage when I'm not writing my novel or taking care of a family.

In my life, I've always been the weird girl. The kid sitting alone always in my head or with my nose in a book. I always felt like I stumbled around with other people and it took many years for me to become a happy, proud, and confident high school junior, near senior. Words have ended up becoming my specialty and while I now face new issues and milestones in my future I can now advocate for myself and the help I may need. I owe my growth and resilience over my lifetime to stories seen on the screen and the page. Characters and fantasy worlds became my company and companions. My safe place and means of connection to others when the world became too challenging and painful. As such my ambition is to tell my own stories, and finally express myself in a way that many can all understand. To put my real self and all the lessons I've learned as well as display the vibrant imagination I so enjoy indulging in. One day I hope to work towards my own published novel much like my favorite authors; J.K Rowling, Brandon Mull, Ann M. Martin, Melissa, de la Cruz, and many more content creators. I understand that it's a very ambitious goal and no shortage of people have told me that it is impossible to reach, including my sister whom I look up to more than anyone including my parents. Even so, my resolve hasn't faltered if not with a clearer plan than when I was eight years old. I put my plans into action from the time I was nine or ten years old. I vowed to myself to continue honing my talent, improving my stories and characters into cohesive, compelling works. I've gathered up the courage to ask for feedback from those who care about me and will give me honest advice which I eagerly try to apply. Currently, I've begun publishing in the online community of Wattpad to reach a larger audience and open up more potential opportunities for myself. As I continue I wish to enter my stories in real publications, using the university as an advantage to formally study my passion should I get the opportunity but certainly take advantage of other writing opportunities such as joining the paper and make my dreams more open to the adults around me to receive consultation and guidance. I hope that one day in between sessions with patients or deadlines for newspaper articles I can write my novel and have it sent out to publishers perhaps by something I write on my expanding platform or through connections I was able to get through the chances I took in college. Whatever it takes I will meet my ambition for a very simple reason. Writing is my love and passion as the stories others wrote educated me in lessons no amount of study or school education could truly teach me as well as giving me a positive aspect of life to hold on to, sparking and setting my imagination ablaze until I saw ideas in everything. I wish to use this form of expression to reach many others and give them the same gift I was given.

In 2019 it was recorded that the biggest mental health institution in this state was not a hospital or any kind of in-patient care clinic. Instead, it was a prison. Of the ten institutions across the state there are only 700 available beds. Then compare this to the numbers of inmates in Harris County or Dallas County jails(of 9,000), 2,000 are on psychiatric medication. Such numbers are staggering and for 270,000 miles of land with some of the best healthcare funding in the country who have known the Medicaid and Medicare plans of Obama, such a thing is ridiculous. The problem turns out, to not only be money. The problem is why people are denied this money. It is stigma. This one fact, in writing a college course essay, set me on my course. Mental health is an issue that deserves a paramount amount of attention. It is a matter of life or death. There are people who suffer due to the misinformation of patient treatment in the mental hospitals where they're supposed to feel the most comfortable and safe, mothers can't care for their families and instead must be cared for when switched around on medications, this being if they can afford them at all. Workers after an accident or outside incident that provoked trauma responses and the agitation of paranoia and fear end up berated or fired by their bosses, rather than accounted for in health benefit packages, blind to the fact that physical health and mental health are tied together. No matter what Job Outlook says Texas is in desperate need of more therapists and advocates for the mentally ill, a job that I decided was the only course for me.

1. I’m perfect and unburdened in every way. It isn’t like I’ve had to struggle to integrate with my peers due to a confusing, woefully underresearched developmental disability, nor suffer the consequences ever later in life when that rigidity for routines and structures manifested into General Anxiety Disorder. Nor did I ever feel just how tenuous being a Latina really is, hyperaware of an inborn disparity to my future prospects. 2. What goals are there to have except making money? I want to go to the best school and get some job in psychology to pick apart people’s brains for the most money, and better yet write a book about it or put all those schizophrenic voices, the abused, and marginalized all over the front pages of newspapers. 3. Most people will say that they stood their ground and asserted their sense of self, reclaimed agency, dignity, all that stuff. Me? I walked away. Middle school was one of the worst times in my life where the kids were either too loud and obnoxious or outright bullies. So, I applied for a school where I was among my peers. Now four years later I'm among the top ten.

"When you quiet your voice, when you say you are not talented enough, then you are not the girl I thought you were. The Girl With the Long Blond Hair," Girl Meets 1964. I hated always being quiet, everyone telling me I was too loud, and those good girls were polite. Pretty girls aren't angry girls. Such things are demoralizing to any child. When I become someone influential, I want to tell all the men, women, boys, and girls that what they have to say matters. Don't silence your voices just because others are uncomfortable. Don't suffer in silence when the presumptuous decides, "it's not that bad." It is that bad and even worse when no one cares to admit it. You mean something. What you have to say is worth saying, in whatever way you say it. Learn to be empowered by yourself and for yourself. Because when everyone else thinks you are insane, only you will listen, only you will care. So make others care too. I can do it, and you can do it.

No reason learning can't be fun. To me, it's a joy to take in a new subject, course, and material. I'd say since it's always been about achievement. So, the best study method for me has been aiming for a goal. Get the highest grade I can or keep a stable B average. In setting these attainable goals, I know what my memorization is for, even if I may prefer to be polishing a new story or reading my next fantasy. Each task poses a new achievement since I mostly use Quizlet and Quizizz to study, or Khan Academy, rewarding correct answers. These memorization apps also ensure I know the method as well. Plus, I work at my own pace and set a schedule that works for me. Knowing my limitations, striving for the best grade or sense of accomplishment, and after that? Well, I go. I do it. I have some fun prepping for the next exam or set of French words.

I'm lucky to have never experienced the pain of losing a loved one to suicide or other ways to watch my Mother, Father, brother, or friends plunge into depression or anxiety. The closest I could say was when my sister (then eldest brother) pulled away from me completely. She never outright told me to go away or bother her(I couldn't do that anyway, we lived together). She didn't speak, never smiled, never expressed that I was anything. I was too young to understand or see signs of deep anguish inside her. No matter how many books on the issue she gave me to read. Today I find myself considering, what if she'd been trying to clue me in? Tell me, my brother was my sister. She was trans, and she hated her body. Probably not, but it was nonetheless a profound realization. I wish I had seen the signs. I wish I could have reached out to her. That it hadn't taken years thinking she was just like that, cold and distant. Psychology was no longer about picking people's heads, seeing what made them tick. It was real people, real suffering, and the real confusing things we all do. I'd considered psychology as a concept before, but it was my sister Ellie, a beautiful, intelligent woman, who put it into practice for me. I want to help others and be that voice they need to see them. I won't be able to fix their problems. I can only help them pick up the broken pieces in a safe space away from innocently insensitive parents or feel beautiful even when everything else looks hideous. With all my power, I want to see the signs and be what others need in their lives to stop, to consider their families, their friends, the person smiling to them and wanting nothing more than them, just as they are.

Loneliness and independence. Those two words fuse as we grow up. When, in our minds, independence represents breaking off from those who love us. We do so because they help us and pick us up. Only, the reason is that we can't do it for ourselves. At that point, we are not independent. We, I, still need someone else to advocate for me. Independence is a prize earned from a life well-lived. People can only be independent when they learn to ask for help while still engaging on their terms afterward. Growing up, we become independent from our parents' will on our opinions and beliefs. A child starts to develop their preferences and ideas. They'll put these ideas to the test, which aren't the brightest yet. They don't need to know so then. The particularly stubborn will certainly never forget. Acquiring a job helps us attain the means to entertain these preferences, independent of our parents or other people's wallets. Each chore and task we learn to do is another achievement towards sustainable living in a new house. Independence is in learning. When I'm independent, they'll look me in the eye. They will talk to me and ask what I want. And then, I can hold my head high. I am an adult. I am a person.

On this website, I have applied to at least thirty scholarships in total over one year. I have received acknowledgment a total of zero times. And yet here I am again, applying for yet another low-value, easy-sounding scholarship, honestly, to spare myself an entire process. Truth is when the future looms over you, so close and so daunting, optimism is all someone has left. More than anything, I want to go to University, I would do great. Never mind being out of the loving comfort of my parents for when I panic, cuddling up to my Mami and Papi to sleep. Forget that I can hardly sweep or clean my room, much less a restroom. My sister figured it out, and I can mostly remember to feed myself. When I believe in myself, something so simple, I feel huge. I feel important and exceptional rather than just some presumptuous teenager expecting things to come too easy. Nothing comes easy if I don't try, and that effort takes a ridiculous amount of optimism. I am very much a child in an adult world who will look at me as naive and arrogant. Well, c'est la vie. I can leave all that cynicism and worst-case scenarios to the adults while I hope and strive for my greatest goal. The young are full of optimism, and the future will be bright long as we remember so.

She's won the Spelling Bee, gotten the Honor Roll for another year, going to a prestigious school. What a good college selection. I'm sure you'll get in. Adults talked to me all the time. Adults talk at most kids; I was never like most kids. Most kids didn't prefer reading or solving math problems faster than eating an Oreo cookie. I love my intelligence. My intelligence is what makes me, me. I research and do. I do, again and again, all in the pursuit of improving and doing justice to great ideas. There are just so many things to talk about with this gift. It gets ugly but also beautiful at the same time each time someone hears you. To the organized mind, the future is another opportunity. A person like me can't wait for the future, and she has her plans, not to mention backup plans. The people who earn money in this world are the ones who do and persevere, the ones who have the intelligence to apply their ideas. They're the quirky and off-the-cuff, academic, proactive, unhinged, and wild. I love myself in all these things. I love all my unique, mismatched ideas; I love the intrigue in anything and nothing from the stars in the sky to who decided two comes after three and not the other way around. I love myself and my complex network of the cerebrum.

In 2019 it was recorded that the biggest mental health institution in this state was not a hospital or any kind of in-patient care clinic. Instead, it was a prison. Of the ten institutions across the state there are only 700 available beds. Then compare this to the numbers of inmates in Harris County or Dallas County jails(of 9,000), 2,000 are on psychiatric medication. Such numbers are staggering and for 270,000 miles of land with some of the best healthcare funding in the country who have known the Medicaid and Medicare plans of Obama, such a thing is ridiculous. The problem turns out, to not only be money. The problem is why people are denied this money. It is stigma. This one fact, in writing a college course essay, set me on my course. Mental health is an issue that deserves a paramount amount of attention. It is a matter of life or death. There are people who suffer due to the misinformation of patient treatment in the mental hospitals where they're supposed to feel the most comfortable and safe, mothers can't care for their families and instead must be cared for when switched around on medications, this being if they can afford them at all. Workers after an accident or outside incident that provoked trauma responses and the agitation of paranoia and fear end up berated or fired by their bosses, rather than accounted for in health benefit packages, blind to the fact that physical health and mental health are tied together. No matter what Job Outlook says Texas is in desperate need of more therapists and advocates for the mentally ill, a job that I decided was the only course for me.

In doing my small part I always take it upon myself to turn off all the extra lights in the house when they're not in use, reduce my electricity and device use in my room as much as possible, and currently gather together scraps and other recyclables for a homemade compost bin. I've also taken the initiative to inform my parents of all the benefits we incur by adopting not only composting but also recycling all our goods. I plan to do the same with my relatives, encouraging them to use compost in helping maintain their lands or bolster the quality of the plants that have to do with their business, not to mention that in reducing their wastes by 30% through recyclables they save money on both fertilizers and trash bags in their homes. Especially for my ranch owning Uncle, this is a huge difference as he owns methane emitting livestock and spends a bundle to feed them hay and grasses, not to mention my Aunt who sells flowers, as compost has been known to yield bigger, more vibrant plants than artificial fertilizers and will feed the soil nutrients it needs to remain sustainable.

It never really hit me when I was a kid. Going to the hospital is for those times your parents, your friends, no person within arm's reach can help you. That was the feeling that overtook me for the first time when I was fourteen. It is a feeling that has followed me and pursued me through my adolescence, so I understand the solemn responsibility I'd take on as a therapist. As a therapist, I am the person who can tell others, "I can help you," "I am here for you." Among Black Americans, Latinx Americans, LGBTQ Americans, and as simply as among American men, disproportion to how many seek psychological help or have access to it. They are stigmatized and discriminated against, shamed, and belittled for not being well. For, "having something deeply wrong with you." With my position, my know-how, and my experience, I will be the woman who says, "it's okay, you can. You deserve to cry too." My position will be a position of teaching. Writing and advocating, telling the stories of those with depression and anxiety, of men who want to get in touch with their emotions or state their anger in a way that doesn't cause harm or scare them, allow them to be scared and be small. To help women who feel less than, who count calories, and who've taught themselves not to eat. Help the children who can't communicate, who have too little experience and yet have experienced so much, and teach little boys and girls that what they say does matter, what they think, and who they are is valid. There is no shortage of issues to address and mend. I can't do it all. What I can do is heal one person at a time. Share my experience behind the desk; as a professional and patient. As a teenager who had to try too hard but who didn't, she'd just thought so and broke and received the guidance putting herself together again. I wish to do that for others, guide and hold others, understand and connect with them. To be in therapy is to teach, and I won't settle for simply teaching my future patients.

Body positivity. Every day the newest generation is bombarded with the image that their talents and contributions to the world come second to their physical appearance. To be respected and appreciated in this world, to be wanted and acknowledged, girls must be thin and flawless with tall, muscular men. Such a poisonous message conveyed to our youths has made them prey to eating disorders, depression, and low self-esteem, risking their lives. Peers tear each other down over perceived imperfections only to go home themselves and stress over a finger's pinch of fat or black spot on their faces. What can we do? Anyone and everyone, we as individuals must erase this idea of beauty. Inside ourselves, we must learn to accept this one thing; we all have different bodies, it sometimes just is. There are so many ways to be beautiful and handsome. All sizes, colors, and body types must demand their right to be beautiful. We can create change. We can tell magazines exactly how marginalizing it is never to see plus-sized models and more dark-skinned models on their magazine covers. We can demand clothing companies to make clothing in cuts and designs that flatter endomorphic body types. Companies like this, who cater to plus sizes exist. Take your daughters, sisters, and friends to these brands. Shop somewhere where they'll represent you and treat you like the princess you are. Be the change you want to see, raise your voice and the voices of others on what it means to be beautiful and what society's broken ideal has led to in our youth, to our future.

In my life I've always been the weird girl. The kid sitting alone always in my head or with my nose in a book. I always felt like I stumbled around with other people and it took many years for me to become a happy, proud, and confident high school junior, near senior. Words have ended up becoming my speciality and while I now face new issues and milestones of my future I can now advocate for myself and the help I may need. I owe my growth and resilience over my lifetime to stories seen on the screen and on the page. Characters and fantasy worlds became my company and companions. My safe place and means of connection to others when the world became too challenging and painful. As such my ambition is to tell my own stories, finally express myself in a way that many can all understand. To put my real self and all the lessons I've learned as well as display the vibrant imagination I so enjoy to indulge in. One day I hope to work towards my own published novel much like my favorite authors; J.K Rowling, Brandon Mull, Ann M. Martin, Melissa, de la Cruz, and many more content creators. I understand that it's a very ambitious goal and no shortage of people have told me that it is impossible to reach, including my sister whom I look up to more than anyone including my parents. Even so my resolve hasn't faltered if not with a clearer plan than when I was eight years old. I put my plans into action from the time I was nine or ten years old. I vowed to myself to continue honing my talent, improving my stories and characters into cohesive, compelling works. I've gathered up the courage to ask for feedback from those who care about me and will give me honest advice which I eagerly try to apply. Currently I've began publishing in the online community of Wattpad to reach a larger audience and open up more potential opportunities for myself. As I continue I wish to enter my stories in real publications, using university as an advantage to formally study my passion should I get the opportunity but certainly take advantage of other writing opportunities such as joining the paper and make my dreams more open to the adults around me to receive consultation and guidance. I hope that one day in between sessions with patients or deadlines for newspaper articles I can write my novel and have it sent out to publishers perhaps by something I write on my expanding platform or through connections I was able to get through the chances I took in college. Whatever it takes I will meet my ambition for a very simple reason. Writing is my love and passion as the stories others wrote educated me in lessons no amount of study or school education could truly teach me as well as giving me a positive aspect of life to hold on to, sparking and setting my imagination ablaze until I saw ideas in everything. I wish to use this form of expression to reach many others and give them the same gift I was given.

I am currently planning a few school level projects to raise awareness and do my part in helping the environment. My school; Townview Magnet Center encourages its students to grab opportunity by the horns and be exceptional. I've been blessed with supportive teachers and role models who've helped me become confident in myself and my abilities to finally put ideas into action. My project is simple but beautiful in many ways. I hope students of all six schools will mingle over cookies and lemonade as they plant a tree to leave behind as their graduation gift to their school. Not only would it help ease the paper stress of our school as well as carbon footprint and give a few more animals a home, the event itself would foster school spirit especially towards my school of ESSM who despite being the proud phoenix ends up overlooked and belittled. The second runs in much the same vein where many students would give just a bit of their time and space on social media feeds to post facts about environmental issues and methods of conservation and protection. Using my planning skills and giving it much thought I've been able to draft a proposal for this extra credit assignment being used in Environmental Science and Biology classrooms. Through internet or even by simple fliers my classmates as well as those in grades below me can make an impact and further immerse themselves in Science and our Earth. For just half an hour of their time they can feel proud for spreading a vital message to youths and elders. I'm just a teenager but I am passionate eager to use my time, skills, and resources to serve in whatever capacity I can.

My favorite artist has taken full advantage of the web to spread messages of self love, positivity, and discovery; facing his personal challenges with honesty, courage, and human apprehension and emotion. The man who speaks to many young and older people like me with mental issues, struggles in the LGBTQ community, self love, accountability, or self reflection or who otherwise feel like the outsider is YouTuber and former Vine guy Thomas Sanders. His web series Sanders Sides is absolutely a love child of theatrical, creative, and technology art, using video, animation, and special effects to make himself in different costumes come alive as distinct characters on a screen to make millions of fans laugh and to love themselves a little more. For once I can see just why Sanders Sides has become such an obsession for me; because Thomas Sanders speaks for me and about what I suffer.

My intelligence is what gave me hope that I could live a life bigger than a simple house in a poor neighborhood. My ambition urged me to rise from the factors in life that made me less likely to succeed. My determination burned in me to prove I was more than just a girl, more than just a Latina, more than someone who couldn't afford all the books she wanted or had to watch every cent, more than all the labels and hurdles society had set in my way. However none are my most important trait. I have learned over hardship and personal suffering that my best trait is my positivity. It isn't always glaringly obvious and in fact to me it was just an afterthought to the qualities that could acquire me a diploma or financial aid. Except anxiety and depression had torn my determination and ambition to shreds and no amount of book reading could help me overcome the ever-present panic and anguish in my body. Through each episode only one method keeps me afloat while I wait for help. The moments I allow my imagination to fly, when I force myself to smile and to truly appreciate the good things among the bad. Mornings in the living room watching old cartoons that actually have very good music, being allowed fast food and my parents' undivided attention. The moments and days I feel like everything might be alright and the eagerness to curl into bed before anxiety proves me wrong and foolish. I never knew just how valuable those little moments were. Not until my parents would confess to me how happy each smile made them or the fact that right after enduring an episode of suicidal thoughts and almost running away I could laugh at myself for enjoying myself in the hospital room with a good breakfast and ice cream as well as Disney on the TV. After, as my parents were asleep and my siblings sought rest as well I counted the win of being on my own in the house with no sense of panic. I was winning, and as the days dragged on I kept winning until I was crawling out of my skin to write again, researched colleges with vigor, and looked to a new school year with new zest. When all had left me it wasn't my cold, calculating mind or relentless passion that showed me a way out. It was the perky chirps that told me; "today will be better." "Today I'll get well." "Just enjoy the chocolate." Or the burger, or being at the store, or the episode of Boy Meets World. As long as I could smile I could see value in living and pressing on so I didn't reach a decision I couldn't take back. My optimism has already saved my life and I don't doubt it'll continue to lead me towards new experiences and lessons.

I am Aylin Gutierrez, a Latin teenager who loves reading and hopes to become a psychologist one day. I attend Townview School of Education and Social Services, I have anxiety, and I've participated in three theater productions and have a knack for creating and conveying stories. Long, lengthy intro I know. It's just the tack that I've found works for me. Unlike many others my age I had to learn how to make friends. I had to face the consequences of being a socially awkward, temperamental child. Back then no one cared about what books I liked to read, what color I liked, or how I saw myself fitting into the world; none by the way. All my peers of eight and nine years old knew is that I was the weird girl who was always crying and tattle to the teacher, preferring my studies, and barely able to throw much less play dodgeball. It was hard being bullied, and even more so when the words get mixed up or just feel like another tantrum for being left out or not winning. Despite my love of academia school became the worst place for me and it remained that way for near my whole life. I should have told someone, any adult, I know that now so many years later but, what I also knew, eventually after getting the chance to finally be away from all the negativity and scorn, is that I had value. My brain was an asset, a tool, and perhaps... even a weapon. Come middle school I'd put strong walls and self talk as protections for my heart and self-esteem. I would become the strong woman I saw on TV who had to lead life alone, to hold my head high and remind myself what value I had. I soon excelled in the skill of finding happiness in the little things. The fun of solving a math equation and fiddling with the numbers, recess spent reading my books, the few kids who liked what I did, feeling more mature, and the manga in the library. Slowly I also began to practice my social skills and found myself some friends to laugh with. And for those who would still give me a hard time and berate me for looking ugly? They would find out exactly how little I thought of them. With confidence and complete disinterest I would strike back that listening to them and whatever idiotic things they said weren't worth my time. Without a single swear or shouted word I shut down many disruptive and crude classmates making my confidence soar as a result. I understand it wasn't the best coping mechanism but I can praise the skills it derived from. My intelligence, my grit, bravery, and quiet composed grace. In the end my experiences taught me through the pains I endured and gave heed to. I was alone all the time and as such learned to value my friendships and relationships as well as seeking help when necessary. I needed peace and tranquility to study, so I would need to challenge myself for a place among people I would respect and have the courage to take that dream and say the words to make it reality. My adversity taught me to smile, to say hello, and be vulnerable; since a cold-hearted girl is still someone with a heart.

Generosity means to give without expecting anything in return. It means to give and be giving of not only material things but I believe even more importantly in love, kindness, hope, and courage. Courage could use a bit of explaining. In short I believe that by exercising courage yourself you can give it to others in the one you protect by showing them that such a thing is possible and that there will be those who will stand by them if they just take the chance. When it comes to kindness and hope that's as easy as lending someone an ear. Such an action may seem small and insignificant but it can mean everything to another person. Any person could attest that feeling ignored or tossed aside is one of the worst feelings and many of us have experienced it. Even so there are way too many who simply walk by or look away at someone who is suffering. You don't have to fix their problems a generous person, or any person, may just have to listen and be a shoulder to cry on. Such a thing can sometimes be hard, sometimes it can sour our mood or introduce us to some heavy subject matter but generosity means taking this risk in the name of others. Love is very easy to give when you feel obligated to do so to people such as family, teachers, and even friends. However not everyone can give this same kind of love to strangers and even less so to enemies. They may act in hostility or even cruelty to those who do them harm. It is a beautiful thing when a person strives to understand someone who hurts them. Generosity is essentially being a good, empathetic person.

In my life I've always been the weird girl. The kid sitting alone always in my head or with my nose in a book. I always felt like I stumbled around with other people and it took many years for me to become a happy, proud, and confident high school junior, near senior. Words have ended up becoming my speciality and while I now face new issues and milestones of my future I can now advocate for myself and the help I may need. I owe my growth and resilience over my lifetime to stories seen on the screen and on the page. Characters and fantasy worlds became my company and companions. My safe place and means of connection to others when the world became too challenging and painful. As such my ambition is to tell my own stories, finally express myself in a way that many can all understand. To put my real self and all the lessons I've learned as well as display the vibrant imagination I so enjoy to indulge in. One day I hope to work towards my own published novel much like my favorite authors; J.K Rowling, Brandon Mull, Ann M. Martin, Melissa, de la Cruz, and many more content creators. I understand that it's a very ambitious goal and no shortage of people have told me that it is impossible to reach, including my sister whom I look up to more than anyone including my parents. Even so my resolve hasn't faltered if not with a clearer plan than when I was eight years old. I put my plans into action from the time I was nine or ten years old. I vowed to myself to continue honing my talent, improving my stories and characters into cohesive, compelling works. I've gathered up the courage to ask for feedback from those who care about me and will give me honest advice which I eagerly try to apply. Currently I've began publishing in the online community of wattpad to reach a larger audience and open up more potential opportunities for myself. As I continue I wish to enter my stories in real publications, using university as an advantage to formally study my passion should I get the opportunity but certainly take advantage of other writing opportunities such as joining the paper and make my dreams more open to the adults around me to receive consultation and guidance. I hope that one day in between sessions with patients or deadlines for newspaper articles I can write my novel and have it sent out to publishers perhaps by something I write on my expanding platform or through connections I was able to get through the chances I took in college. Whatever it takes I will meet my ambition for a very simple reason. Writing is my love and passion as the stories others wrote educated me in lessons no amount of study or school education could truly teach me as well as giving me a positive aspect of life to hold on to, sparking and setting my imagination ablaze until I saw ideas in everything. I wish to use this form of expression to reach many others and perhaps give them the same gift I was.

I believe fully that changing matters of sexism, prejudice, abuse, and violence starts early in life. To allow the women of the future to thrive we need to begin with the girls and boys born and being born in the world today. We need to start with the parents. My proposal is that parenting classes be more widely available, that there be more education in schools and community outreach on credible parenting resources and how mothers and fathers could find these resources themselves. These classes would also need to focus on the troubles that harmful stereotypes, stigmas, and practices can cause and that the most successful kids possible are those who are mindful of these issues. Teach fathers that their sons can cry and display their pain lest they learn to repress only for their emotions to explode on partners or even worse, unable to properly express or process through troubling feelings at all. Men need to learn that empathy, sensitivity, and vulnerability are human traits not feminine traits and that in no way should they be degraded. All couples should learn that they are equal partners in raising their children no matter the gender. While it is more comfortable and perhaps even ideal for a mother to deal with the issues of their daughter's periods, style, hormones, or choices about friends, academics, or bullies that doesn't mean the father is any less a part of the child's life and shouldn't even try to broach or educate themselves on what their daughters are going through. Who knows they may even find that their sons could be going through some of the same issues which is perfectly acceptable. The same would work if it were a father dealing with their son. This doesn't mean that the mother's opinion holds no weight, in fact valuing a female partner's opinion teaches boys on being respectful young men who finds good ideas and values from all people regardless of gender. As I mentioned above a key in parenting would be to find resources that can aid in child rearing so they aren't going blind. Many resources address the issues of rearing sensitive, open-minded children and the acts or words, including seemingly harmless turns of phrases can result in demeaning or otherwise insensitive attitudes or acts against women. There could always be more of these types of resources, perhaps even whole blogs and websites dedicated to educating both parent and child of gender based inequity. Let the child learn and understand as well in a proper way and keep teaching and deepening the lesson as they grow older. In practice this would look like modifying certain phrases to, "never hit a girl," to "never hit anyone," and not saying, "women are so sensitive," try, "other people's feelings are hard to understand." These are just a couple of examples but the idea is to make the idea or concept universal because when you get down to it we are all humans and deserve the same respects and courtesies we wish towards ourselves. Empowering women is a large task but certainly not an impossible one. The key is early education and intervention, teaching parents what their seemingly harmless actions, stereotypes, and prejudices can encourage subconscious or overt diminishing or derision of the opposite gender. We need to teach our boys and girls that such words are just that words. Girl and boy is the last thing that should decide a person's strength, ability, or value.

As a girl and beyond I was always considered the intelligent one of my family. The one who could make anything of her life and would go places without a doubt. I was also one of the few who could say that even those older than them considered them more intelligent. I take great pride in my intelligence and drive to do well in school. I will admit that dedication has given me somewhat narrow vision towards other people, focusing more on my academic success. Even so a pattern has arisen that gives me an idea about how I could help my peers and those younger than me. That method would be by offering tutoring to academic subjects such as maths or sciences. Not only have I excelled in these subjects through my schooling but I do have a good temperament when it comes to others, knowing how to restrain my emotions and stay collected, a vital trait in a chaotic school environment. However I would certainly prefer to tutor younger children who I would have more tolerance towards. A tutor like me would be an asset as people of minority groups, such as the Latin community to which I belong, are more wary or even distrustful of those who don't look like them and not for wholly invalid reasons. Moreover I am passably bilingual in Spanish by living in a Spanish-speaking home and found language classes easy so I can pick up more phrases and words should the task demand it. Per my reputation as the intelligent family member and a large family tree I've already picked up experience in dealing with children and tutoring at home as well as other cases in school which came with being the best student. At home I would often guide my cousin, who is very close to my age in homework assignments, a subject I often help him in being math. I also help his younger brother in understanding concepts and have earned the affections of many of my younger cousins and find that I adore them. As for school I find myself being the go to for my classmates to ask that even the teachers set me to struggling peers when I finish my classwork. Oftentimes I help them find the right answer but never just give it to them. I've dealt with some difficult students but I never really lost my patience, even if the task was sometimes trying. In summary my services would be put to educating kids of my community and even serve the role as an example to follow, I can display that those of Latin origin can do anything they want no matter the economic background they may come from or other social or environmental factors that will often act in impeding their success. I would be a patient, understanding teacher who would treat my students as equals but still know when to accommodate for their age and levels of mastery, as well as understand them whether they speak Spanish or English.

My first story idea popped like a firecracker when I was eight years old. From a discordant dream I began experimenting with a superhero character. My sleeping mind envisioned seas of radiant blue electricity, a black costume, and a chilling laugh. On paper I had a sloppy, rushed story with little plot or personality. Back then I didn't know it was horrible, all I knew was that I was having some fun watching my characters come to life. Years passed putting my pencils and pens to paper, honing my voice and finding depth in my characters. I'm proud of the worlds I've created, the protagonists, the friendships, and the drama I've weaved. I eat, sleep, and think of new stories that make me feel. That make my heart race with loathing, glee, or terror, characters who I can feel sorry for or those I want to hug. All this and more is what I want people to see. I want people to see my passion, the effort I put into making real people with wants and needs that sometimes contradict each other. I want for readers to empathize and relate with the person on the page or server; to cry and smile and squeal as they live another's adventure. Books have always been a way for me to live as someone who never had many friends growing up. I can confidently say that the stories that were presented to me throughout life have shaped me into the person I am today. From fantasies and romances and mysteries I've formed a set of values I'll uphold as strongly as a fantasy novel hero will hold to their morals. Watching others love formed an image of what I want for that magical time to be like. To receive kind gestures and a partner who can make me laugh. One who I can tell my innermost secrets to as easily as I could rattle off my name and things I did at school. A man or woman I may not know had been so sorely needed, but couldn't imagine having lived without. A flowery ideal but one I'd pursue if only for a simultaneously light and heavy heart brimming with euphoria. I'll continue practicing and improving so many more can grow up with books guiding them towards the best people they can be and to realize their individual versions of perfect along with the very important fact that different is what makes it worth it.