@egrob26

I dream of being disciplined, a hustler, a dream catcher, a self-starter, and proud of who I am.

2019: A young girl with hazel eyes walks down hallways with her head angled toward her feet. When she talks to anyone she refuses to make eye contact. And speaking in class or asking questions is something she dreads. Public speaking makes her want to puke so instead, she hides behind a fake persona, stage makeup, and costumes in a yearly musical production at her musical. As much as she loves it, she always chooses to audition for characters with few lines. Despite knowing some of her classmates for years, she has barely ever spoken to them out of shyness. Change in anything in her day-to-day life causes so much stress she can barely breathe, therefore, she never tries anything new. Caught in a loop of anxiety, isolation, and loneliness, she believes that she is nothing and no one worth knowing. 2021: A girl with curly brown hair confidently strides around, smiling at those she passes and offering a simple "hello" to those she knows. She auditions for, and is cast as, the lead of "Bye Bye Birdie." She reaches out to those she hasn't talked to in a while and stops apologizing for everything. At home, she speaks up more and offers her opinions frequently. And the thing she used to dread begins to come naturally: starting conversations with people she has never spoken to before. Her tiny circle of friends grows significantly and she finds that it makes her happy. She readily accepts invitations to social events and manages to keep her social anxiety relatively low instead of hiding in a corner and panicking. And the most shocking revelation at all, this girl starts to love herself. Looking back at that timid little girl, she can't believe how much bolder she has become in just two years.

Imagine the whole world being a classroom for you to teach your mentees. Picture every scenario, from walking into a store to meeting new people, becoming an opportunity for a lesson. Now imagine that the students I am trying to instruct can't speak English. This is exactly what dog training, my best skill, involves. My first student, a black-haired boy, introduced me to the trials of dog training. He was placed in my care by The Seeing Eye to teach him about his future job. We sometimes butt heads and not everything went as planned. But, despite the many complications, he is now working as a certified guide dog in New York, aiding a blind veteran. I decided to take a break from service dog training and instead adopted two rescues. No matter how much I thought I knew about my job, nothing prepared me for the whirlwind my two little students would bring. After realizing how extreme my one student's anxiety was and learning that the other had to be taught the basics, like ABCs, I had to admit that my education wasn't sufficient. I started taking classes, trying different methods of teaching, and watching videos filmed by experts in the field. But despite all of the outside resources I was using, I learn the most from experience. No matter where my students come from, each one has something to teach me. I see progress every single day. And no matter how small that progress might be it puts the largest smile on my face. I will continue to learn and pass my knowledge on to my pupils. I never thought I'd enjoy being a teacher, but Dog training is ultimately a rewarding experience that I wouldn't trade for the world.

I love my determination. Sometimes motivation is scarce and my energy stores are low. But determination can keep me walking. If I put my mind to something I will get it done. When I was four I decided that big girls didn't suck their thumb and I never put my thumb in my mouth again. Now I have bigger goals - finding the right career path, paying for a car in cash, opening my small business, and graduating high school with good grades. My determination keeps me on the right path. Sometimes, when I was younger, I would allow my determination to morph into obsession. I would forgo self-care and become laser-focused on an agenda or goal. Learning to place healthy boundaries around me was difficult. But I used my determination there, too, to help myself lean into a better place. Determination has helped me erase suicidal tendencies, start a gratitude journal, and make friends, despite my hate of social situations. I continue to push myself. I don't need to be perfect, but I'm not going to give up when things get tough. And life certainly promises to be difficult. I've had my ups and downs, not too many smooth areas. But determination helps me through it all. Sometimes it takes mentally shoving myself through doors and dragging my feet to get to the next milestone. But as long as I keep moving I know I'll be okay. My determination is a large part of who I am. You won't see me sitting off to the side very often. I fight for what I want and what I need - it has helped me become healthier, confident, and proud of myself.

Unfortunately, I don't have a cat's nine lives. I have many interests and passions I wish to pursue, but one must be realistic and narrow down the possibilities. If my life went perfectly, I would graduate from Ringling College of Art and Design, debt-free, with a career in animation. Walt Disney Animation Studios would offer me a position as one of their animators and, after I ran through my house screaming and shouting, I would calmly accept the offer. After working for a few years with them, I would become the chief creative officer of a movie. Having worked in the field myself, I would have the capabilities to better express my ideas to the animators. I would adopt a fluffy, huggable puppy and train him or her for competitions on the side and we would totally rock it. Eventually, I would meet Bob Iger, and he would pass the succession of Disney CEO to me, the first female owner of Disney. After many decades of serving the public and my employees and improving the company, looking to those who knew Walt Disney for advice, I would retire, satisfied with having finally worked in my dream careers. I would move to a ranch in Wyoming, adopt a barn cat, and start my own horse rescue. I would also found my own non-profit, training service dogs for the disabled. But I would still make plenty of time to visit my elderly parents in Tennessee and visit my brother wherever he might be living at this point. I would pass my rescue and organization to someone I trusted deeply before I passed. And I could die a happy woman, knowing I did something impactful in the world.

I would stand for and promote self-love. I would practically shove it in the faces of anyone who would listen, and even those who wouldn't. If you can't love yourself, it makes it harder to accept the love of others. Without self-love, your goals seem impossible to reach. Without self-love, you deprive the world of your quirky, potentially awkward, amazing self. There is no "mold" everyone has to fit, and it's time we start recognizing it. I could not, in good conscience, post on my social media accounts everything about my rich or interesting lifestyle and be a part of the impossible standards so many people believe they have to live up to. Instead, I would use my platform to spread the message of self-love. My social media could be used as a reminder to everyone how special they are; to not be afraid of stepping out of the stream of "typical" people. Self-love is one of the single most important things to have in your life because without it you miss the sun above, those haunting moments of eye contact, the shy smiles you receive in the aisle in the grocery store. And you deprive others of seeing your beautiful face, hearing your true thoughts, being able to compliment you without having to argue with you.

It's simple, but "stay out of debt" is the best piece of financial advice I've been given. I still remember living in a rundown, bedbug-infested townhouse with my family and seeing my mom bring out a cake with a smiley face, icing spelling out, "Goodbye debt! You won't be missed!" My parents were happier than a kid on Christmas morning. However, only being eight years old, I couldn't fully understand the concept of debt. Even as I continued to mature and grow older I never gave much thought to debt. It seemed natural to buy a car on a loan or use a payment plan to pay off my new house. I knew I wouldn't technically own anything I owed money on until I paid the price in full, but that's what you do in America, right? Or that's at least what I asked myself. I recently started looking into creating my own business on Etsy, but I had no clue how to handle my finances. A course by Dave Ramsey on financial literacy was recommended to me, and I decided to start the class on a whim. After all, I needed the credit to graduate high school. One of the first things he stressed was avoiding debt. Looking at the statistics and seeing how many Americans choose debt over saving a few extra months was staggering. When I expressed my surprise over these facts to my grandmother, she told me stories about her previous debts and how much they bogged her down. Since then I have vowed to never gain debt of my own-waiting a little longer to buy my car is much preferred to interest building on owed money I might not be able to pay.

Being an artist means paving my own way. Being an artist allows me to explore my world through a whole different viewport. I can be an animator who also loves painting and is a photographer on the side. I can mesh different fields of art together. Being an artist means not being bound by any rules or limitations. I can create anything I want. The only limit is how much I believe in myself. I am driven by my own finished artwork. I might take a photograph of a hawk high in the sky and be inspired to create a drawing of it. By changing it into something else, using different mediums and tools available to me, I am compelled to evaluate my angles, leading lines, ask myself if I captured the right moment in the photograph, etc. I can then apply these self-corrections to future shots. I am also greatly influenced by the world around me. I love being able to sit in a figurative corner outside in the woods, watch my family at their daily life, or observe how people move and respond emotionally in social situations. I am fascinated by how the world coincides and am constantly pondering many questions. Does this person realize they wear their heart on their sleeve? How can I show the strength in this eagle's wings? If I were an outsider looking at my portrayal of my brother, would they understand? While I hang on to every word an expert in my fields of art can give me, I learn the most through self-discovery and asking myself questions and finding out the answers through trial and error or observation. Knowing that I am the only one responsible for my own progress and challenging myself, it drives me to keep up with my work. While my art is a part of me, I don't want to keep it to myself. What good is having a voice if I don't use it? When I've gone through the worst times in my life I've turned to my art and found solace in expressing myself in a way spoken words cannot. But now that I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I want to use my experiences and my voice to provide comfort to those who are still in the darkest of places. God has given me a gift that helped me make sense of my world when it was confusing and overwhelming. I hope that one day my art, whether through photography, poetry, animation, whatever, can be the helping hand that reminds the suffering that they aren't alone. I've been there too. And maybe I can inspire young boys and girls alike to pick up their own pen and learn how to bear their pain by using art as an outlet.

Flying to the moon. Engineering a lifesaving machine. Teaching children with special needs. So many options I've explored. What I didn't realize is that I was, pun intended, shooting for the moon when the answer was at my feet: art. Art allows me to express myself when I don't know how to verbally. When everything is crashing down around me, I can lose myself in my art and have control over something. Throughout my life I've taken general art classes in photography and watercolor painting. But I don't know what specific area of an art career I want to pursue. Flameworking? Book cover design? Animation? So many alternatives, and time is rapidly running out before college is knocking at the door, demanding an answer. The current plan is to explore all these choices, and then some. But there are so many areas of art, it's hard to know where to start. I've dedicated this upcoming summer and my senior year of high school to taking as many classes as I can, but all these classes added up are very expensive. I've been self-teaching drawing and animation, but I can only learn so much from YouTube videos. What I need now is constructive criticism from a professional who has been in my shoes before. Who understands the uncertainty of putting your heart onto a page, and being terrified of the rejection it might receive. This grant would allow me to study under a variety of artists and teachers, an option unavailable to me now. I don't want to become an exact replica of one artist I love. I want to gain knowledge from a variety of experts with different, unique styles, and find my own niche within them. While my parents have been such a blessing and have offered to cover the costs of these classes while I'm still in high school, I worry about the financial strain it is placing on them. I've been shaping my whole life around a career that maybe isn't the best choice for me. I've been focusing on math and science, but realizing that I need to turn onto a completely different path is a little jarring, and making up for lost time can be stressful. I am thrilled at the idea of continuing to pursue art. I've come such a long way, especially in animation and drawing, since this past summer, but now I need something more. This scholarship would help open more doors and offer more pathways for me to look into, instead of being tethered to a couple of choices. And after high school, art college is expensive! Now that I've stepped out of my comfort zone to pursue the career that both thrills and terrifies me, I need support from those who know all about my fields of interest. I hope that one day I can stare up at the stars and be okay that I'm down below, trillions of miles away, but making a difference in my own right.