Before I started high school, my therapist handed me a thick stack of papers detailing everything supposedly wrong with my brain. The papers listed Autism spectrum disorder, panic disorder, OCD, depression, psychosis, and severe anxiety. Basically, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. And yet, when I received my diagnosis, I nearly cried with relief. Finally, I had an explanation for the constant stomachaches, the desperate need to step on each sidewalk crack on the way to school, and why some days just felt grey and lifeless. Now I understood why I could never decipher social cues and couldn't look people in the eye. But as the relief of my diagnosis faded, the first thought that came to mind was: What's next? What do I do now? Doctors prescribed me medication that helped me function, but that was all it did--help me function. Just popping a few pills wouldn't help me thrive. Even with my new medicine, there were bad days when I'd vomit during a test or pass out in school because of panic attacks. I remember canceling fun activities because I was too scared to leave my house. I remember thinking I didn't want to live anymore because it was all too much to handle. But I refused to give up. With the support of my family, especially my endlessly patient and loving mother, I was able to not only survive but thrive.
There are still bad days. There always will be. But I refuse to let my diagnosis hold me back from what I want to do and accomplish. If there is one thing my mental health issues have given me, it's a strong work ethic. I can't give up, because if I do, that means I've allowed the demons in my mind to win. I've always been competitive, and losing simply isn't an option.
My experience with mental health has taught me the value of compassion and understanding towards others. Additionally, my own journey has made me more selective in my relationships, prioritizing those that are nurturing and positive. My struggles and victories in mental health have reshaped my worldview, fostering a deep belief in the importance of self-awareness, empathy, and resilience. I've come to understand that mental health is as crucial as physical health and deserves the same attention and care. This realization has led me to advocate for mental health awareness and destigmatization. As a proud member of the school speech and debate team, my speech on the destigmatization of PTSD in veterans won 2nd place at the State Speech Championships. I believe that everyone should have access to mental health resources and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
For many, the pursuit of higher education is not just a matter of personal ambition, but a desire for self-improvement. That is certainly the case for me. I never thought that I would be able to move away and attend college, not with my various mental health issues. But I want to pursue higher education so I can get a job that I love. I want to learn all about the subjects I adore and learn how to make friends among my peers. I've always wanted to be a history professor, but a couple of years ago, I was too afraid to step outside my house, let alone go to school. But through hard work and no shortage of miracles, this year, I managed to apply and get accepted to my dream college, where I plan to get a major in history and a minor in creative writing.
I'm attending college so that I can one day provide for the family I so desperately want. I am a good candidate for this scholarship because I want to show that just because I have a mental disorder diagnosis, I still have what it takes to succeed in this world. From an early age, I knew that my life would be difficult. But that doesn't mean that I'm just going to lie over and let bad things happen. No, I'm going to work hard and plan accomplish great things.