Technically, I have been a Christian since birth. My parents' religion: Easter dresses, prayers before meals, and the gut-wrenching acknowledgment that there was a sovereign deity somewhere in the sky glaring at wretched humanity. Shocking? These were among the earliest feelings I can remember having about God. The Bible was not a love story; it was a death sentence. Prayers were not communicating with the Father; they were a plea for mercy. High school followed along with my anxious understanding of an angry God waiting to send me to Hell. My theology was that of judgment, and Jesus was considered a mere band-aid to appease the holy God against sinful humanity. It was not until I graduated from high school that I truly found what my anxious soul had been longing for. Unfortunately, it was through family problems that led my overworked heart to scream for peace and claw towards rescue. I had heard rumors of God being truly loving, of the Bible as proof of grace, and of Jesus as the physical embodiment of redemption. I questioned if it was true, if there was true peace in my parents' religion. Finally, bending my knee, I cried out to God in desperation, begging to know Him truly and to be freed from the chains of feeling as if there was constantly impending doom. Imagine swimming, with arms outstretched and legs kicking. Your focus is floating and pursuing your destination. Suddenly, you realize you're starving and thirsty from being on the water, and fatigue almost overcomes you. When you finally land on shore, food has never tasted so good and water so refreshing. This feeling is the same one I had when I challenged God to show Himself to me, as I truly released my heart and soul to Him for the first time, with no hindrances. Christianity was no longer my parents' religion and had soon become my first love. It was almost as if God had opened the floodgates. I closed my eyes and saw before me the word "Bold" in beautiful golden caligraphy and was given a mission - to help others see the Bible, and ultimately God, as wonderful and awesome as it truly is. I was charged with walking alongside others to assist them on their path with God and to break down lies that can chain people down, as they did me. Ultimately, it is the Holy Spirit's work that changes hearts. My heart desired to merely be a vessel for the One who breaks chains. "I am nowhere near qualified, I just became a true born-again believer!" I had argued with God. God, however, qualifies the unqualifiable through His power and work. He took me through years of growth and change, through the refining fires, and walked alongside me in the valley of the shadow of death. He continues to do so, to grow me and reveal parts of my heart where I am not submitted to Him. The outcome: I fell deeply in love with Him. God was no longer an angry deity ready to mete out judgment, but instead a courageous hero whose heart inspired the life-giving words of the Bible. Because of this, the call to be a missionary ignited a fire within me. I was called to be a missionary in rural Alaska, where there are few to no churches in the small villages dotted around the "Last Frontier." My schooling is devoted to preparing me to go to these villages and share God's true heart. The history of Alaska, as well as missionary interactions with the natives in the 1800s, paved the way for distrust and a skewed perception of God. I believe that through cultural connection and seeking to learn from them rather than haughtily entering their homes with the heart posture of "I can make your life better" and then leaving ruins open doors to be able to share God's Word. To build a bridge is to seek mutual understanding. With this scholarship, I know I can devote myself more to missions by continuing to pay down my student loan debt to focus entirely on the harvest. My career choice is not to compete with others to "save more souls" because it is not my job to convert. My job, heart, and drive is to help break down the lies about God so that people can truly see the Bible for what it is - life-giving, hopeful, and drenched in love.

God often uses trials, pain, and the natural evil of this world to in turn glorify Himself. That, in itself, is the highest honor to be part of. I lost my mother when I was 7 years old. She was lying on her bed in a frozen heap of eternal silence when I walked into her bedroom one afternoon. Despite being cold and gray, she was still young and beautiful, an image of serenity. My life was permanently changed from that day forward. Years later I found myself with a welcoming letter to Colorado Christian University, where I soon hoped to begin my online degree in biblical studies as a recently converted follower of Christ. I grew up in the church but never experienced a true relationship until I graduated from high school. While not explicitly a teaching degree that can be used at every school across the globe, I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to help be part of a journey for others to see the beauty of the Lord expressed through the joyful days and the most painful ones. I wanted to be a teacher of the Word for the youth so that they may establish a foundation of understanding. Misconceptions of who God is and what the Word says create a basis of fear and uncertainty towards the Creator who loves so much. The loss of my mother introduced a new level of affiliation that I was terrified of as my entire world shifted. Yet what was once a time of utter fear and desperation for normality and comfort, soon introduced an unlikely friend: suffering. God slowly but surely changed everything I once thought I knew about pain and transformed it into beauty. I have never felt the tangible presence of God as I do when I go through aching times. There is so much beauty in the human condition that is clearly expressed through the laments of old prophets, the sorrowful melodies of David’s psalms, and the cries out to the Lord from all walks of life. I want to help others, through the lense of biblical truth, not to fear the unknown, the dark, or the hurt. God ministers greatly during these darkest of nights and His presence becomes even more tangible. God has given us a spirit to overcome the things of the world through His strength and the life found within His word. My only goal is to share the same truth, love, and grace that the Lord has shown me towards others.

Some argue that truth is dependent on preference, determining what is correct for them, or being convinced otherwise by what society deems as right. While that does seem appealing, one must remember the Holocaust. It did not begin one day as a bright idea, but rather, a slow removal of morality beginning with molding minds and calling for renewal. Tim Holden, a former United States representative for Pennsylvania, stated, “[The Holocaust] forces us to examine the responsibilities of citizenship and confront the powerful ramifications of indifference and inaction." When there is no moral absolute, a compass of light amid chaos, there is no foundation. Thus, morality becomes relative.  That leaves mankind with a question philosophers have debated for ages; what is truth? Surely it cannot be left to humanity to decide for themselves; there has already been plenty of evil that stemmed from attempting to take the reins of judgment. What is left, is for humanity to look toward a higher power to determine moral truth. Countless other religions claim life satisfaction, that it will bring prosperity, health, and power – the desires man is driven by. Now, humanity must decide which religion has the ultimate truth. Each religion contradicts the other. Therefore, only one can remain conclusive. The Bible – God’s truth – proves to be historically reliable, accurate, and consequently true based on eyewitnesses, accounts in other cultures, archaeological finds, and even standing against false teachings. Even though the Bible is proven verifiable, it is still rejected. Why? Because the Bible shines light on the dark hearts of man. Vern Poythress, a theologian and professor of New Testament studies, argues that people should not mold their worldviews and preconceived judgments into the pages of the Bible, but rather, let the Bible speak for itself, allowing the Spirit of God to teach. Truth cannot be formulated or manufactured, it must be defined.  When truth is defined, there is no mistaking it. When Jesus prayed for His disciples before He was arrested to be crucified, He made a simple yet profound request to God in John 17:17, “‘Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth.’” One of the first things to point out is that ​​​​​the word used in Jesus’s phrase translates to logos which, is the title for Christ, emphasizing His deity and communication of whom the LORD is and what He is like, according to the NIV Exhaustive Bible Concordance. Jesus determined what truth is by identifying Himself, tying the authenticity of God’s word as the ultimste truth. He knew the troubles the disciples would later face and would need a stronghold amid the storms approaching them. There is no arguing that there is any other difference in truth when Jesus so clearly defines it, leaving no margin for error. But, this is not easy to follow for many, since sin has hardened man. Reverend E. Paul Hovey, the minister of Congregational Presbyterian Church in Lewiston, Idaho in the mid-1900s, said, “[People] do not reject the Bible because it contradicts itself but because it contradicts them”. God’s wisdom will permanently stand out as the one truth.  People are searching for enlightenment, looking for it in all the wrong places. The reality, however, is that God’s truth is placed in the hearts of man. If people were to quiet themselves for even a second, they would hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit “guiding them into all truth” (John 16:13).

I was a little girl of seven years old when I walked into my biological mother's room. As she lay there, lifeless with gray lips, I recognized the young woman - still barely past her early 30s - with so much life ahead of her. I then felt the weight of the world upon my shoulders soon after I heard my younger sister's piercing cry from down the hall. After picking her up, attempting to wake my mother up for the last time, and then trekking my way to a neighbor's house to seek help - my world changed permanently. Fast-forward many years later, I soon blossomed into an awkward pre-teen searching desperately to find myself. In walked my mother (the woman my father remarried), bright-eyed and beautiful. Little did she know, my chaotic self would attempt to have her running for the hills. I was angry, hurt, and bitter as a child, feeling as if I was abandoned by my biological mother and left to discover womanhood by myself which left me untrusting of other motherly figures. Spoiler alert, she never did run. She stood firm against me, like a house against a raging hurricane. Her discipline and love were something I had never experienced in a motherly figure but desperately needed during my growth into womanhood. She cared and loved me deeper than I knew a mother could, keeping her foot down without bending to my manipulative tactics yet also holding me as I broke down in her arms. She so vividly painted the picture of God's love for me before I could understand it, which made way for the most impactful thing she could have ever done. She led me and my father to the Lord Jesus Christ. My mother spent countless hours with me explaining the Bible and praying over me. I watched her life and how her faith impacted her marriage to my father. I watched how she prayed blessings over the house we lived in, rebuking anything not of the Lord and bringing peace. Her actions spoke louder than words. Without my mother, Li-H'sien (pronounced Lee-shen), I would have been on a completely different track and most certainly not pursuing a bachelor's degree in biblical studies, desiring the Lord to use my life for His greater glory. Her heart for others taught me how to have a heart for the voiceless and the hopeless. It stirred within me to want to become a missionary to reach those hidden either by war, destruction, or fear. It led me to truly find the Lord with all that I am and embark on an adventure of falling in love with Jesus. From a patient, unyielding attitude, she persevered past my destructive behaviors and showed me a better reality, one rooted in Jesus Christ. Her many, many, MANY silent prayers prepared my heart for the Lord to pierce it with truth. I am beyond grateful to my authentically unselfish mother who devotes herself with a cheerful heart first to God, her family, and the patients under her care at the hospital she works in.

The most heart-wrenching, life-altering, mind-shattering outcomes can be the result of something seemingly small or insignifigant. Such was the case of a used book from a small Christian bookstore containing worn shelves full of dusty stories. One tattered paperback book that caused me to rethink how I walked in my faith and devotion to Christ was called Master Potter. Though I harbored a plethora of literature in my own personal library, this book, however, remains on my nightstand; something I go back to when I need a reminder through an allegorical journey of broken vessels turning to glazed useful pieces of pottery cultivated through the care and tenderness of God's love and His refining fire. What was revealed to me through this specific book was the truth of freedom found only in Christ. Though God is a wild, untamble, passionate Creator, He is yet humble, gentle, and gracious for the ones who love Him. At first, this fact was nothing new - that is, until God revealed that like I used to be, so many others are chained and in bondage from past hurts, current sins, or the unbelief of their authority through the death and resurrection of Jesus. It completely changed my goals from pursuing education, achievements, and monetary gains for myself and instead changed my life purpose to help set the captives free. My life is no longer my own, but instead, is for the incomprehensible Lord we worship and serve. The closest people to me would call me a bookworm who loves the Lord and is enthralled at the prospect of learning new things. Such was the case of pursuing a Bachelor's in biblical studies. Through faith, the Lord led me to a school and I had to plunge into college with no secured job after I graduate (really, NO IDEA what the purpose of this degree is for specifically). However, based on the secure nature of God and my own skills sharpened through time, I know that God wants me to echo the message of freedom to those in bondage and enslaved by the Adversary. From as far to the East and as far to the West as one can see, people carry the burden of the Enemy's taunts and attacks, never experiencing the relief and protection found in the light of Jesus. Through my education, I am learning more and more about the God I serve as well as understadning the Bible - I seek to help others do the same whether it is in the deep jungles of Bolivia, the dusty roads of Saudi Arabia, or a friend down the street. The authority, wisdom, and love is available to all and for all by the grace of God.

My faith kicked into gear after realizing Jesus was chasing me my entire 19 years of existence. He was there when I found my mother dead in her room, He was there when I experienced the generational curse of suicide, and He was there when I felt abandoned and alone - some of the lowest points of my life. It truly felt like it was me, one small little girl, against the entire world. Yet, though I never saw Jesus, I learned He was never distant or far off. He had always been there - crying when I grieved, laughing when I danced, and holding me in the dark of the night when there was no one else to. Everything changed when God revealed His love to me and showed me that my purpose is bigger than my hopelessness and that my chains can be broken by His word. It took faith to alter my perspective on my circumstances by not viewing them as a story for pity but instead empowering me to both be resilient and use it as a testimony for others to see that God is bigger than the result of sin in this world. It changed my entire walk because I no longer considered myself a victim and instead saw myself as an overcomer through the strength and might of the Lord. He was the One that pulled me from the pit and placed His joy and peace in my heart. He then cultivated it through devoted time with Him to impact not only my circumstances but also those around me. His care for me built me up to pursue an education past high school to be used by Him. The faith I have in the Lord provides me with a tunnel vision to chase after His plan for me and not the counterfeit plan of the world. After the Fall of Man in Genesis, the Adversary became the god of this world and uses his legal right to enslave, torture, and dominate God's image-bearers: Mankind. However, the faith I learned from Christ was that we do not have to be in bondage to this unfortunate physical reality that many find themselves chained in. Through patience, the Holy Spirit has led me into the truth of having authority through the name of Jesus by faith and in obedience. What I learned through God's precious Spirit, the Bible, and the books He led me to - I realized that I can bring this to the attention of others so followers of the Lord can walk in freedom. Set the captives free.

This opportunity is meaningful to me because of Jim Maxwell's desire to see revival in the next generation, the youth of both his time and the future. Children are taught faith by elders and are molded by the help of adults; either the world will do it or faithful followers of Christ will. Like Jim Maxwell, I seek to do the same thing and see the Spirit of the Lord establish Himself on the young. My faith thus far has helped me to keep my eyes on Jesus no matter what comes. For instance, when I found my mother deceased at seven years old, the world that I knew changed in an instant. If it were not for my faith, resilience, and ability to persevere through trials and tribulations, I would have been too distracted to see Jesus reaching for me. It is because of my past hardships that I am pursuing a degree in biblical studies in hopes of helping young people struggling through trials so that they may persevere and know Jesus. Losing my mom to suicide at a young age opened my eyes to a spiritual battle that is all around us and though Satan is here to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10) - I will not be easily blinded and swayed from the path that I know the Lord set before me. The biggest achievement ultimately through faith was overcoming the death of my mother and the impact it had on my family and emotional well-being. I have faith that my pursuit of biblical studies will bring me further to God's ultimate plan in completing the work that He has assigned for me. The work I feel called to do through the Holy Spirit is to love people, teach them how to persevere through worldly tribulations and endure satanic onslaught. Right now, it takes faith to wait on God for Him to lead me to the purpose of my degree to advance His kingdom. I took a leap of faith when I went for this degree and it requires faith to know that because He led me to this degree, He will also provide for it. Naturally, I try to control things myself; however, I had to release that desired control to trust that He would see me through both physically and spiritually. I use faith in my petitions to God that He use my life for the sole purpose of enhancing others, extolling His name for all nations, and loving what the world deems as unloveable.