I am 24 years old and i have survived 2 suicide attempts… In 2017 I grew depressed. Depression was a word I had heard of, but I did not understand what it was or what it felt like until it took over my life. It was like carrying bricks in my pocket. Every step was heavy, walking felt too hard to do. I knew I could not skip every class because of the fact that i was a student-athlete. That was all that kept me from laying in the bed all day, but being dragged to class by my arms felt easier than having to take more than 2 steps. Not only was I depressed, but I remember the first time I felt like all of the air in the world disappeared like someone had stolen the air I needed to breathe. It was the first time I felt like I was being suffocated, but nothing was blocking my airways. I even repeatedly clawed at my neck to feel what was choking me, but when I felt nothing was there it seemed to make me panic even more. If nothing was choking me, and there is still air left in the world, then why can't I breathe? Did I forget how to do so? Come to find out I was just having a panic attack due to my high anxiety. The worst part is that I was in public, I wanted to run and hide from my own embarrassment. At Least I finally was able to put a name to these feelings and emotions I was experiencing, but I didn't have a solution. I was a freshman In college, 8 hours away from home playing a sport I thought I loved, but was starting to hate. I was mentally and verbally abused by my coaches, and physically abused by my teammates in front of my coaches. I had no safety, and no security, so help didn't seem like much of an option for me. The only solution I could think of my own was to disappear, forever. So that's exactly what I tried to do. This was only because mental health wasn't something that was talked about at the times I needed it most. Fast forward to 2019, I woke up feeling weak and helpless enough to try a 3rd attempt. I laid in bed crying and contemplating. I was fighting my thoughts. Fortunately, I remembered receiving a school email about counseling for students on campus and where it was located. I jumped out of bed and walked out the door. Still in my same pajamas, with bad breath, and dried tear stains from the night before. I didn't care what I looked like, or smelt like, I didn't know who to go to, what to do, what to ask, or what steps to take. I just knew I had to go and if I would have waited a second longer something bad was going to happen. I arrived at the building and was too anxious to wait on the elevator so I walked up 3 flights of steps. I walked right past the front check-in desk, (not on purpose, I did not notice it) and walked into a random therapist's office, I didn't even knock luckily she wasn't in a session. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and I said "I need help". She smiled at me and said “Okay” with a smile on her face that felt so warm and affirming. It was one simple word, but it was almost as if I finally felt seen again. I was reminded of what it felt like to be cared about, what it felt like for someone to want to help me. That was the day my life changed. She sat with me for 4 years pouring life back into me. My counselor from Virginia State University, Dr. Ellison is the reason I am in graduate school pursuing my license in Clinical Psychology. She saved my life and didn't even realize it. There were times in my counseling sessions with her where I looked at her and thought “She is exactly where I want to be one day”. Here i am now, in 2023 no longer only labeling myself as depressed or the girl with anxiety. I am more than my diagnosis. I am a creative, I am a poet, I am a basketball coach, I will be a Clinical Psychologist, but most importantly I am a child of God who is walking in her purpose to encourage, uplift, install hope, inspire, and impact every individual I interact with. My creativity has allowed me to bring therapy outside of a therapeutic setting. There is creativity in all that I do even if it doesn’t look like art to the world around me. I didn't always consider myself to be a creative, I grew up as a basketball player who had hidden talents like writing poetry, singing, and playing instruments. Now, I have found out how to put it all together. My purpose is to help people by using my gifts. I am currently in Graduate School to obtain my license in Clinical Psychology, while I coach girls' basketball and pursue my career as a spoken word artist. These all may seem like 3 different categories, but they serve the same purpose. Inspiration is at the center of everything I do. The way I inspire others is by using my talents and gifts. Coaching is not just about basketball, but personal development. It is my job to instill confidence in my girls, help them to grow as leaders and know that they are more than “hoopers”. One goal I have for my team is to help them to become more expressive and that comes with using emotion. Luckily basketball comes with much emotion, but not everyone knows how to express those emotions on the court or within a team. We do activities to help with this, we have deep talks, team bonding or even random silly moments of dancing. This is why I believe coaching is an art. Everyone has a different stroke, they use different tools and techniques in order to create what they believe to be a beautiful team. My Clinical Psychology Graduate Program has helped me to become the coach that I am. If anything, coaching continuously shows me why I love this field so much. It is what has helped me to come up with different creative ways of interacting and communicating with my girls. Psychology is the study of the mind, it helps me to understand them in a way where I picture different individuals as puzzles. We are all filled with different pieces, created differently, we can't all be put together in the same way. I must be patient and learn the individual, I must learn about their special pieces in order to help put them together to make them feel more whole as a person. My poetry is centered around mental health as well. What words can I put together to help the listener feel a sense of healing just from hearing my words? How can I best share my experiences to let the listener know they are not alone? How can I use metaphors, rhyming, similes and so on to create a poem deep enough to encourage the listener to want to make it through the week? To know that hard times don't last, that they are strong and have purpose inside of them waiting to be found. These are the thoughts and questions I ask myself when I am creating poetry. Mental health is my entire life. The trials and tribulations will always be a part of me, but they have built me. My experiences are what introduced me to my dream career to become a clinical psychologist. One therapist changed my whole life and I can't wait until the day I am able to do that for someone else in my practice. Until then I will be as encouraging, impactful, and influential as I can using my coaching and poetry. The foundation of everything I do is built on uplifting others. I can't help but imagine how many other individuals have had the same feelings I have had but have not had the opportunity to walk into a therapist's office yet. It is our job as a whole to continue to be mental health advocates, to spread awareness and to encourage individuals to seek help. 1450+ words are not nearly enough words to know who Autumn Hopson is, but I can say you can trust that any amount of money I earn will be funded well as I embark on this college journey. Regardless, I hope that you enjoyed reading about my testimony.