Growing up as the sick kid was difficult. I could never keep up with the other children on the playground. I always had to sit down and rest next to the teachers, it was embarrassing. My heart would feel like it was beating out of my chest over the simplest of tasks, and walking up stairs would leave me gulping for air.
I was born with three holes in my heart, a Congenital Heart Defect. Specifically, Atrial Septal Defect and Mitral Valve Prolapse. It disabled my ability to enjoy the carefree times of childhood. Instead I was in the hospital, at doctors appointments, or sentenced to the couch to rest. It was hard explaining to fellow classmates what was going on. I was taunted for my disease, and told by other kids, even their parents, that I was lying: I couldn’t possibly be alive if I had a heart defect. It hurt, being viewed as a liar, for something that was seemingly taking over my life.
I was very delayed in learning, I struggled to read, write, and solve basic math problems. I remember spending my summers off from school in reading programs and in summer classes to catch up. I genuinely felt stupid, in a world where all I wanted was to do was understand.
On top of that I was giving sports my all. However, my heart continued to steal the joy and again, I failed to keep up with the other kids. I cost my team a lot of wins, and even lost friendships. I enjoyed playing, I just didn’t enjoy being the cause for the loss. I quit sports altogether.
My freshman year of High School was filled with dizziness, palpitations, and so many unanswered questions. The symptoms that had been following me for over a decade, had only seemed to be getting worse. I had to undergo a heart surgery known as an Atrial Septal Closure. The procedure would place a small, button-like device over the biggest hole in my heart.
I held such hatred for my heart. It kept me from participating in activities I loved, lost me friendships, and made me feel all around incapable of learning. At that moment I was grieving a life where I could just be normal. I hated nothing more than feeling so hopeless.
Once surgery was completed and I stayed in the hospital for a few days recovering. The doctor informed me the surgery can make my symptoms go one of three ways: help them, keep them the same, or make them worse. We all had a silent glimmer of hope that it was only up from here.
I wish that was the case. The procedure had only worsened my symptoms. I continue on with the 6 months of yearly check ups. As me and my doctor continually discuss the symptoms. They truly have done all that they are able to.
Living with this condition is one of my most challenging battles. I still struggle with reading comprehension and am the last person you would want to ask for help on a math problem. However, my drive to learn is so strong. I am now in my freshman year of college studying a BFA in graphic design. On top of that I have goals to publish my very own graphic novels and children's books. Looking back, I can not help but feel so proud of myself. I still struggle with persistent dizziness, fatigue, and uncomfortable tightness in my chest. But I have made a deal with myself; never stop learning, no matter how difficult it may be.