The 6:15 AM alarm blares by my side, signaling it is another school day. I open my eyes and turn off the alarm. I sit up on the edge of my bed. I stare out at the wall in front of me. I detangle the many thoughts and worries forming in my head. My body feels tired rather than energized. What was it from? Insomnia? The forming anxiety? I sat on my bed for minutes processing all the emotions and thoughts that charged up from the moment I opened my eyes. It feels like a constant battle inside my head. My battle with mental illness has been something I dealt with since I was 11. My mental health has affected my beliefs and onlook toward others. For the longest time, I believed nobody cared about me. I thought people pitied me because of the things I’ve been through. I saw myself as not worthy of kindness, saving, or healing. Thoughts popped up that God just left me here to suffer. I stayed up at night wondering why God allowed me here to suffer and struggle like this. I felt I had to burden and endure this pain on my own. I internalized these beliefs, reluctant to believe anything else. My relationships were rocky with my poor mental health. There were days when I felt angry and upset for the whole day. Anybody who crossed my path or interacted with me would have to deal with these negative emotions. At home, the relationship with my family was rough. There were constant disagreements with my mother. I lashed out at my siblings unexpectedly. I felt like I didn’t have control over my emotions during these times. My mood would fluctuate from day to day, and this became a struggle for my friends. They weren’t sure how to navigate the days when I showed up to school depressed, anxious, or unwilling to talk to them about my issues. It drew them apart from me, although they were willing to support me. It felt like I was on my island by myself due to the isolation that formed from my depression. I had trouble communicating with my friends and asking for help, even though I needed it. The lack of communication and distancing myself from my loved ones caused me to fall deeper into a bad mental state. My career aspirations and thoughts of my future weren’t clear. My indecisiveness made me alternate from one job idea to the next. The thought of choosing a career path was overwhelming to me as a person struggling mentally. It felt unreal to me to think about my career and my future. I felt it was almost unachievable because of my poor mental state. I believed I wouldn’t live long enough to go to university, get a job, and reach these huge milestones in adulthood. The brew of depression and anxiety formed a cloud that didn’t allow me to see the many opportunities in store. My relationships, plans, and beliefs were in a state because of the mental illnesses that plagued my mind. I allowed these mental conditions to control me. I allowed them to shape how I am and how I act. I knew I had to do something about it. Living in a state of solitude and sadness isn’t a great place to be in. For the past year, I started journaling and recognizing all the thoughts I feel. I asked myself how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way. I communicate more openly with my loved ones to let them know how I’m feeling. In December, I advocated for myself and decided to seek help. I found a therapist I talk to a few times a week to help navigate my feelings. There are a bunch of self-care and coping mechanisms I do to be my best self. Although there are obstacles that pop up, I don’t let them stop me. I am looking forward to going to college and becoming a software engineer. I took back control of my life and look out to my future with bright dreams.

Cries echoed throughout the classroom and escaped into the empty, quiet hallways. A few of my friends and a teacher circled the wooden desks I lay on, sharing a look of concern. I bawled as snot and tears ran down my face. The teacher gingerly rubbed my back and whispered: “It’s okay.” She made sure the environment was safe and quiet during my breakdown. This teacher, Ms. Weaver, changed my life for the better. Ms. Weaver is an English teacher. I never had a class with Ms. Weaver, but I grew to know her within almost two years. Ms. Weaver is willing to make things work. I met Ms. Weaver at the beginning of my sophomore year at the annual club fair. She moderated the Prism Club, a diverse and inclusive club. I was nervous about joining the club because I didn’t want my parents to disapprove and be forced to leave. I explained this to Ms. Weaver. She listened and offered to put my name on the email list, so I could receive information about the club without being put on the roster. At that moment, I felt relieved and understood. It was incredible how willing she was to go out of her way to offer that option rather than turning me down. Ms. Weaver created a comfort zone in her classroom that allowed others to express themselves. When I attended the club meetings in her room, it was a welcoming and open environment. I kept to myself and didn’t engage in the club’s activities. I would be gloomy in a corner shutting everything and everybody out. Ms. Weaver would come to my desk and talk with me. She would ask me what was wrong or if I wanted to join in on activities. Rather than kicking me out of her club or forcing me to join, she always assured me she was there and allowed me to feel my feelings. Her classroom became a place I would frequently hang out in for the past year. I would Ms. Weaver always listened to my concerns and thoughts. During the spring of my junior year, I was unmotivated and tired. Classes were demanding. During passing periods, Ms. Weaver would stand outside her door. A handful of times throughout the school year, I would tell her how I felt. I would talk to her about my problems and frustrations. She never once fed into the negativity in my head. Ms. Weaver is one of my biggest supporters during my high school career. She has seen the best of me and the worst of me. Ms. Weaver encouraged me to keep going on days I didn’t think I could. She comforted me in times of despair and pain. She provided light while I was in a place of darkness. In closing, Ms. Weaver is a prime example of a teacher who doesn’t care about grades but a student's well-being. It is an understatement to say Ms. Weaver’s influenced my life. It doesn’t begin to capture all she did for me. She helped me be more mindful and helped me open myself more to others rather than closing away everyone. She showed me somebody always cares, even if it’s a teacher. Ms. Weaver helped me be confident in my abilities and myself.

“Come get your food!” I yell from the kitchen with a serving spoon in my hand. The steam from the pot of spaghetti fogs my glasses. The aroma of tomato sauce lingers throughout the house. My siblings rushed to the kitchen and lined up to be served. My siblings said their thanks for the meals. I felt satisfied. For the last decade of my life, I have been a leader. I have been somebody my siblings look up to for inspiration and guidance. My time as the eldest sibling isn’t the one I asked for. But it has provided me with rich leadership experience. My parents work full-time jobs, so they aren’t always around to watch my siblings and me. As the eldest sister, I took on the role of the secondary mother. I had to remain watchful and mindful of my siblings. Being the eldest sibling is a role I take on every day. During the evening of school days, I would check on my siblings and maintain a functioning household. During my breaks between chores and homework, I ask my sister, “What are you up to? Did you finish all your homework?” I crouch next to her and scroll through the pages of assigned work on her IPad. She fidgets her fingers as she listens to me demonstrate how to solve linear equations with ripped journal paper and a blunt pencil. “Go iron your uniform and take your medicine,” I signal to my brother as the clock hits 8 pm. He was accustomed to this reminder from me during the evening, knowing it was winding down. I take on different responsibilities that show leadership qualities like flexibility, dependability, and accountability. During our leisure time, I perform many leadership roles from being a meditator to an advocate. My brother and sister are similar to the poles of a magnet: they repel. They get angry and argue over the littlest things. As a leader, I help resolve disputes and fights. I look at both sides of the conflict and offer a plan to de-escalate the situation. I provided solutions to help the household run smoothly. As a leader in my household, I support the needs and interests of my siblings. When my parents are making an important decision, like a trip, I look towards the input of my siblings. I don’t weigh the decision primarily on myself but call on the voice of my siblings to support a choice. Even with smaller plans, such as meal planning, I ask for the input of my siblings. The role of the eldest daughter is a unique leadership position many people aren’t gifted with. Executing this leadership role takes time, energy, patience, and much more than you give. Although my leadership as the eldest sibling can be perceived as insignificant or “not comparable” to others, I believe this daily experience helped shape who I am today.

Many people describe this book as confusing, boring, and harsh. There have been many instances when somebody would always remark, “Oh, I hated reading this book. Are you required to read this for school?” I would say no because I chose it out of Barnes and Noble. I felt so out of place when I explained my liking for this book because everyone seemed to dislike it. Catcher of the Rye by J.D. Salinger is a book I recommend everyone to read at least once. Or even give it a second read, if you read it already. Catcher of the Rye gives you an insight into a teenager’s mind, particularly a teenage boy’s mind. Holden, the teenage protagonist, captures the embodiment and mind of a real-life teenage boy. His rebelliousness, edgy thoughts, his subtle sweet spot for his siblings, and his rough love life are aspects I see in many of my male peers. A teenage boy can be crude and nasty at times, like the many instances of Holden making vulgar remarks about others on every page. But teenagers can have more depth to themselves besides their immaturity, much like Holden did. Holden was troubled in many ways, including in his mental health. After the loss of his brother, Allie, from cancer, he falls into a spiral of guilt, loneliness, and depression. It all comes full circle realizing the way he acts during the duration of the story all trails back to his struggle with his mental health that was unraveling throughout the book. Many troubled teens have a reason for the way that they act. It can be for a multitude of reasons like bullying, abuse, or the death of a loved one. I think Catcher of the Rye does a good job of showing how teenagers outwardly act come from the internalized pain from within. Everyone should read this book to understand teenagers a little better.

My eyes were red and tears were flowing from my eyes as I rocked back and forth curled up in the corner of my room. I felt so alone in this world. I felt like nobody was there for me. I felt like I didn’t deserve to live. I was in this horrible state for the last 5-6 years. Since I was 11, I felt like I fell down a hole full of despair and depression. I remember I cut my arm with the sharp part of a pencil and told my classmates at my table, “I will didn’t want to live anymore.” They rightfully reported me to the counselor who talked to me about my problem that day. I was told if my behavior continued I could be sent to a hospital. That was repeated many times within the few weeks that followed. I was checked on to make sure nothing terrible happened to me. But, things kept swirling downward for me. I indulged more in social media at this young age making everything worse. I saw many disturbing posts and images online. I became attached to my phone, making my mental health 10 times worse. My sleeping schedule was messed up. I went to bed at midnight or later. It was difficult to fall asleep. I slept a lot throughout the day when I could’ve been doing more productive activities. I became more isolated. I was convinced I was alone in my own battles. My heart felt heavy. I felt hopeless. I didn’t see any brightness in my future. I thought I wasn’t going to make it to my high school graduation. When people asked what was wrong, I would just say “I’m okay”. I always pushed people away from me. I became irritated with people, I was just seen as weird and moody. This continued into my sophomore year. I buried myself with schoolwork and responsibilities. I didn’t put time aside to care for myself. There were even days when I slept at 5 am and woke up at 6 am to go to school. Mid-way through my sophomore year, I realized how messed up I was feeling. It registered to me that this depression and despair would lead to my demise. My loved ones were starting to catch on that something was wrong with me. I needed to overcome this long, tough battle. I started taking little steps to overcome my mental challenges. I started opening up to my loved ones more about how I was feeling. I limited how much I used the internet. I set aside time for myself each day to reflect and meditate. These small steps lead to great improvement. I started seeking help and making changes that benefited me greatly. The heaviness in my heart started to loosen. I started to look past the depression that clouded me for so long. I recognized there were people who cared and loved me all along, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise. I prioritized myself more and made sure to have mental health days set aside. Now, I feel much better. I found my worth in the world. I have ambitions and goals I want to achieve like graduating high school and becoming a computer scientist. Of course, I still have my down moments, but I don’t allow them to ruin me. I say all this to say: always take care of yourself and reach out to others when you need it, it’s okay to take time for yourself and ask for help.

Computers are the foundation that helped shaped me into who I am today. They helped me learn about the world around me since I was a young child. Computers helped me express my creativity when I used the Paint application. Computers helped me research the various planets and moons throughout the solar system. Computers helped me understand the many concepts I struggled with learning at school like long division. Eventually, I became infatuated with computers and all devices alike. The coding, the hardware, and the processing behind the computer became my main focus. The middle school I attended was a math and IT-centred school. The school had STEM fairs where we proposed new ideas and studies. Students were introduced to the many applications of technology throughout the technology class curriculums. This early introduction to computer science gave me another path to look at. I became amazed by all the tasks you can perform with just a computer. I am looking forward to getting a bachelor's degree in Computer Science, and a minor in Cybersecurity. Once I get my degree, I want to start an agency focused on helping minority youth from marginalized communities discover the magic of computer science and learn about the concepts like algorithms systems and networks. I was fortunate enough to get accepted into a middle school where I could be introduced to these concepts early, however many other low-income children don’t get that privilege. I also want to start another agency focused more on the entertainment and “fun” aspect, game development. I want to develop and produce niche games with a team and explore the many grounds of video games like virtual reality, multiplayer and competitive gaming. Using these different aspects of gaming, I want to enhance the videogame experience with my expertise in coding. I feel like I am the best candidate for this scholarship because I heavily relate to the struggles and ambitions of Chris. I came from a background where my family worked endlessly to make sure I had enough to eat and wear. However, sometimes there is a struggle to pay for education. I worry in a few years from now I will not be able to go to college because I don’t have sufficient funds to pursue a degree. I have a clear dream ahead of me that I want to chase without a financial burden. I am determined and worked hard throughout my school career to achieve my future goals. I see this scholarship as an opportunity to help better my education and the foreseen future.

“Just leave me alone, please. I just can’t do this today.” I felt like I was being crushed. Not by anything physical but by my own mind. It was another day of sophomore year. A week full of homework, exams, and lacrosse practice, just running on two hours of sleep. Every day of this school year, I felt like I was losing myself more. I barely had time for myself because there was always something else to worry about. I barely had time for myself and my health, other things had to be prioritized. This mindset would be the start of my downfall and a realization to start a new beginning. My experience with mental health ruined my relationships, beliefs and career aspirations but pushed me to become better. During the time when my mental health was lacking, I believed life will be full of unhappiness and there is nothing more to live for than constant dreading. I thought it would only get worse from here and just things will get more progressively difficult as life continues. I thought everything good I would obtain in life would be taken away from me. I believed I didn’t deserve to be happy. I believed everyone didn’t like me and this made me afraid of others. I was too caught up in my worries and resentful of myself to connect with others. I didn’t bother to tell them what was going on and how I felt. I kept it bottled up inside, leaving my mix of emotions to burst out at any second. This made me feel weak physically and mentally. If I couldn’t support myself, how could I support others? This mindset distanced me from my family and friends. My poor mental health affected my career aspirations. I bounced around many career ideas, I was indecisive. There were times I would tell myself that I would fail at a career I was interested in and I should give up. Or I would feel discouraged by all the work I had to do to achieve that career. I was unmotivated by all the work I had to put in to get a career I was interested in. So, I tried to find “easier” jobs but they still required the same amount of effort as the “harder” jobs. All this negative energy from my poor mental health was doing a toll on me. Eventually, I decided over the summer I would do better for myself. First, I changed my mindset around. It was too pessimistic and dark. My self-confidence and self-love were non-existent. I began to love myself and take care of myself more. I took more time for myself and put myself first. I wanted better for myself and not for this experience to get worse. I started to believe more in myself and my abilities. I started to believe there’s always good in the world always be there even when things aren’t the best. I held the belief that there was a path full of fortune and greatness laying ahead. I started communicating more in my relationships. I try not to be afraid of people and strike up conversations with them. I let my loved ones know how I am feeling and if I need support. I also don’t let the opinions and pressure of others affect me that much either. When I was taking time for myself to do the things I loved, I discovered a multitude of passions in many activities and hobbies. Interest in coding and technology grew within these passions. I finally found something I wanted to do as a career, a computer scientist. My experience with mental health was one that had many twists and turns and ups and downs. When my mental health was poor and weak, I could only dwell on my suffering. When I finally focused on myself and cared for myself more, my path became more apparent. I found a purpose in life. I broke up from the bubble of darkness that surrounded me and found better for myself.

I violently pulled my hair from the roots in frustration and bit my lip harshly; tears formed in the corners of my eyes. “Why are people so cruel online?” I asked myself, turning away from my monitor. “Do people actually behave this way?” I was just browsing a few forums on some games I enjoyed, Skullgirls and Roblox in particular. The agony of dealing with obnoxiously rude and nasty people online. People would argue about the littlest things and say the most disgusting things, the most racist, sexist, or homophobic comments. They constantly throwing around insults at each other, particularly the use of slurs and extremely foul language. Some would even go as far as making more accounts to harass me and others over an opinion. A couple of users online would try to leak sensitive information about me because of an opinion. I couldn’t believe all these atrocities happened just on an online gaming forum’s comment section. The quote, "The phenomenon of people within online gaming forums discarding the common accepted social norms of civil discourse and actions and its effect on real-life social interaction,” highlights how people use animosity online as an advantage to not comply with the norms of civil discourse, which also doubles down on them in real-life social interaction. They are aware their animosity acts like a shield for them and it leads them to believe they can act however they want. The behavior they present online will crossover to how they act, in regard to their manners and consideration for other people. Or forgetting the norms of civil discourse online that they progressively get worse at applying them to real life, especially during debates and discussions. I wholeheartedly agree with this quote, especially regarding being the receiving end of users online disregarding the norms of civil discourse. I have been in many online gaming forums where jump straight to profane words and actions rather than politely disagreeing and respecting each other’s opinions. I have been enduring and taking in these crude arguments on forums and other online spaces like social media. When I talked in online forums about which characters I preferred in games, there would always be a snarky remark or a downright insult. When I gave criticism about a game or playing style, I would be faced with death threats or brutal words. No matter what I said, there would always be somebody who would jump straight to hurling insults. I think people feel so entitled and latch on so hard to their own beliefs that they harshly refuse anyone else’s that is slightly different than theirs. They will go the extra mile, resorting to harassment, just to get their points across, or even just to be petty. The quote connects to me deeply due to my negative past experiences with online gaming forums and social media. This quote shows the connection between how people’s behavior online and in real life, it shows how civil discourse is an important thing to have regardless of the situation.

I watched my parents work day and night as a child. My mother studied for her bar exams while juggling caring for three kids at home. My father woke up at 4 a.m. every day to go to work until the evening and did his job in all sorts of weather, rain– shine– and snow. They put food on the table and kept the bills paid, despite how much we struggled at times. Sometimes we had to improvise for school projects. For instance, we used cardboard from cereal boxes for poster boards. I would keep a bag of crayons from previous school years to use for the next school year. I always asked my father, “Can I get a job with you? When can I start working?” I always feared not having money to support my education. I hated thinking of deciding between keeping a roof over my head or keeping an education. I aspire to work in the field of computer science. I went to a middle school based around technology, where we primarily used computers and had daily classes centered around learning how to code. I dreaded the idea of coding and problem-solving. It felt like another task I had to do. But, I found joy in coding. I loved the idea of how I could create and build anything because of coding. So, I eventually decided I wanted to do this as a career. You need to have a constant drive for motivation because learning code and its different languages is not an easy task. I always catch myself slipping and going days without learning code. But, I have recently implemented a schedule to keep me in the habit of learning computer science. It helps me stay on track to successfully mastering computer science. When I’m in university II will have to code constantly since my major will revolve around it. In college, many things are going on. It will be stressful, especially with the many deadlines you have to meet. You cannot simply stop coding or give up on it, no matter how undetermined you may be at that moment. Even beyond college, if I want to make apps and websites, I cannot just delay or stop trying on a project. Keeping consistency is key to reaching my goal. As a girl, I barely encounter any women working in computer science. Computer science is male-dominated. I remember feeling so out of place when I entered my school’s coding club because everyone else was a man except me. I felt inferior because they seemed to know everything. In college, I know it won’t be any different. I will have to be in spaces where they aren’t people like me. I will feel uncomfortable. But I’m glad there is a growing number of women interested in computer science. I see many support groups and organizations for women interested in computer science. It makes me feel not alone in my experiences and gives me a sense of community, which I need now and later in college. In my goals relating to computer science, I want to create and build different apps and websites to better people’s lives in some capacity. Throughout the years, I have practiced by doing many projects. Like creating a simple scoring system game back in middle school. Or making a functional website with five webpages in my Web Design class. I always learned something new and took away something from these experiences. With the knowledge from previous projects, I will learn how to create more sophisticated software and apps.

I hated myself; I was disgusted by myself. I felt isolated and different. I felt misunderstood and alone as a gifted child growing up. Many people, adults, and peers assumed so much and knew little about me. While children in my kindergarten class struggled to write their names, I flawlessly wrote my name. I didn't enjoy carpet time. I could always read on my own just as quickly. I never had any resources or anybody to reach out to, which didn’t do much in the end. I didn't truly click with others that well. I felt alone in every way. People would tease me and call me a "nerd" for my heightened interest in school subjects and hobbies. But I always returned their nasty words with kindness. In my honors and AP classes, people would ask, "How did you do that in such little time?" or "How do you understand that?" I could never explain how I processed the information given to me and how fast I processed it, but I always attempted to help those around me no matter what. That’s why I want to help gifted children who felt like me when I was younger in that position. I aspire to get a Bachelor's degree in computer science and use it to better the social-emotional well-being and intellectual needs of a gifted child. I want to make an app catering to their constant craving for new knowledge, providing a curriculum that goes at their own pace and understanding. There would be different levels of the subject, for example, a math section that presents lessons and problems to do until the child excels and can move on to the next level. It would be formatted like a mobile game, making it more engaging and competitive for the child rather than unstimulating. The app would hold challenges to solve each week, where the child can test their abilities. The child can participate in challenges with others, making it all the more competitive. There never seem to be a lot of resources directed toward gifted children. So, I will also make a website dedicated to being a place of support for gifted children. Many gifted children, including myself, never had a place to fit in. There would be forums on this website where these brilliant children can share their experiences, ask questions and support each other. There would be links to various academic resources since gifted students may fluctuate in different areas of study. There would also be resources for mental health, like services and exercises. Mental health is an overlooked thing, especially in gifted children. So, providing resources and places of support for these skilled children can uplift their spirits and put them in a good place. Later on, when I get a degree in Computer Science, I will use it to better the social-emotional well-being and intellectual needs of gifted children. I will make an app that centers more on academics and subjects within it, like math, reading, and science. Also, there will be a website that centers more around the well-being of gifted children, where they can find resources and support each other in forums. The app and website will provide a foundation for gifted children to lean upon in times of tribulation and be a pillar of support.