My mom sometimes says we lost our dad twice, and I completely agree with that statement. My father was a good man during my childhood. He was a nerdy guy who introduced me to video games and anime, and also a total goofball who would make us laugh everyday. One of his favorite jokes was to ball up his socks, usually dirty, and throw it at us while yelling, "SOCK!" Unsanitary? Yes, but it got a giggle out of me and my sister everytime. He worked hard to support our family, and was the primary income for our family for years. I loved my father dearly, and that just made the following events so much worse.
When I was in late elementary school, my father had a tumor grow in his brain and had to get it surgically removed. That surgery changed him for the worse. He became loud, yelling and me and my sister over the smallest mistakes. At times I was scared of him, and my mother made the decision to seperate from my father for our sakes. This news broke me. I was still so young, I couldn't comprehend that my family was breaking up, nor could I really understand my father was already gone, in a way. The next few years were tough. Visits were infrequent, and I felt more and more distant from him as monthes of no contact drew on. The struggle of all these changes gave me mental health struggles that I still somewhat deal with to this day. Then one day, on June 20th, 2020, my mom gave me an update that my father's brain condition had gotten worse, and he had to go into a facility with nurses to help him. He had memory issues, probably wouldn't even remember us if we visited. It's screwed up to admit, but I wondered out loud, "Would I even care if he died?"
I got that answer later that same day, and the answer was yes. I cried for hours after I found out. Even though he was no longer the man who introduced me to some of my favorite hobbies, the man who could always make me smile and laugh, the man who loved my family with all his heart, this was what truly made him gone. He truly was the man I lost twice.
They say time heals all wounds, and in some ways that's incorrect. It's true that I sometimes don't think about my father, about all the pain that caused me in my childhood, but you can never truly get over such a loss. I still see him when I toss a balled up pair of socks, or play video games he once enjoyed. And when I learn more about him I mourn the things we couldn't bond over because I wasn't interested back when he was still him, like Dungeons and Dragons, or new series that I think he would enjoy. It's like a piece of myself is forever missing. However, it's not like I can just give up. Even though he died a stranger, I'm sure my father is looking down on me, proud of who I am becoming. I'll become a woman he'd be proud to call his daughter, no matter what.