I have lived a relatively privileged life. Though low income, I never went hungry, never faced housing uncertainty, I had two hard-working, healthy parents who sheltered me from our struggles. Unlike many immigrant children in similar situations, I was able to experience a childhood. These are privileges I do not take lightly and am thankful for every day. Yet awareness of these privileges, ironically, left me stuck in my position for a long time. I used to feel extreme guilt asking for help for I felt others needed it more. I would not take advantage of certain resources, scholarships, grants (though completely eligible) because I didn’t feel deserving of more than I already had. For this reason, the best financial advice I have ever received and the financial lesson I find the most important is never feel guilty for advocating for yourself and taking what you need to succeed. Having my basic necessities met does not equate to living fully. There will always be people struggling more than I am, but that does not mean I should ignore my struggles. That is counterproductive. I have come to the understanding that the key to asking for help, is paying it forward. I deserve medical and academic assistance, I deserve financial stability, I deserve fulfillment, and as I gain these opportunities and resources, I can use my new privileges to help others. This financial advice is what led me to finally attending university and pursuing a career of community work, advocacy, and social justice. When it comes to finances and funding I have learnt that to succeed we must be our biggest hype person and I stick by that lesson.

While contemplating this question I realized how flawed of a perception towards achievements I and many have within our goal-oriented society. My initial reaction was uncertainness, for I couldn’t think of much I’ve done worthwhile, however through further consideration, I realized it is not that I have accomplished nothing, it is that I never gave myself time to process what it is I have done. I achieve a goal and rather than feeling joyous of my actions and processing their implications, a new goal instantly replaces the one just fulfilled. Thus, creating a never-ending loop of pursuit rather than considerate participation within the present moment. Having processed this bump in my thought process, I had a second consideration to process. I know I have many achievements I could deem great, yet I don’t feel that way. Perhaps my achievements hold little implication within my day-to-day, nor do I hold much pride due to A. imposter syndrome and B. most of my achievements have not necessarily been for myself. Here is when I realized my greatest achievement thus far, and it is not one that flaunts amazing things I have done, nor likely a typical response, for my greatest achievement is not to do with my educational pursuits and successes, community service, or career, but a very personal achievement of self-exploration, acceptance, and authentic living. As I mentioned prior many of my achievements in the past have been under the shadow of expectations. Whether my parents, peers, or social norms do not matter as the result is the same, many of my “proudest moments” are riddled with pressure, anxiety, and inauthenticity. For this reason, I believe my greatest and most impacting achievement thus far has been when I finally accepted help from others, went to therapy, processed 20 years’ worth of denial and hatred, and learned to love and accept myself as a transgender person. My greatest achievement has been learning to ignore pressures of expectations, setting boundaries, and doing what I need to do to be happy first and foremost. My greatest achievement has been undoing the religious trauma which has taught me to hate myself and the immigrant guilt of disappointing parents who sacrificed their lives so I can live with privileges they were not granted. My greatest achievement was gaining the courage and strength to be happy. What these achievements have allowed me to do is live a life of fulfillment and joy. Beginning my transition medically, settling into the person I am, becoming independent, and allowing myself to pursue work I genuinely love, have allowed me to learn the joys of living. One year into my transition and I feel I have lived and done more than I have my whole life and that is because I am present. Having presence, living in the moment, authenticity, and pursuit of joy has only created wonders in all aspects of my life including my education and work. Due to my personal achievements, I have allowed myself a future, and with that future I will achieve many more things for my family, friends, community, and myself. I plan to continue my work in Freedom, an immigration rights and advocacy organization, in DiversAbility, a disability activist group on my campus, and in my school's Sigma Tau Delta Chapter, the International English Honor Society. I will continue working as a writing tutor at my campus Academic Center. I plan to complete a workshop for self-advocating as a minority in the medical field and complete my research study on language equity. This refers to the systemic oppression of certain languages, dialects, and their reflective writing styles in our society stemming from colonial practices such as linguistic imperialism. Briefly, language equity means actively encouraging and accepting an academic, educational, and professional writing and speaking style based on language versatility and which focuses on a sense of communication rather than form. It also means changing how we understand communication and speech, consequently altering how we perceive and engage with one another. I believe our thoughts are shaped by our language and our language is shaped through education. Therefore, I hope to continue working for my community as a librarian. Libraries are open to all, making them amazing tools for community engagement, discussion, and social justice. I have found the path I want to take in life and I never would have gotten here if I didn’t learn to take care of myself first. Thus, my greatest achievement has been self-love.

US academia, education, and culture dictate a supperior form of communication, aligning with the langauge and speech patterns of the white elite in power. Linguistic studies demonstrate no form of communication is better then another as the goal of communication is concise illustration of ones thoughts. As long as this is accomplished the language used, the dialect, and accent does not matter and cannot indicate one as better than another. Standardizing forms of language, writing, and literature provide no benefit in insuring clarity within communication, but allow those in power to insure control over education, history, accessibility of higher level jobs, the circulation of information and its accessibility. The history of such practice stem from settler colonialism, linguistic imperialism, and racial stratification. To combat the raising divide of wealth, power, and inequality, education and wide cultural acceptance of communication standards needs to adapt to raising multicultural and multilingual identities. Multilingual referring to speakers of one or more language as well as dialect. Current multilingual students are forced to write and express themselves in a monolingual way to appeal to dominant audience, the result is often feelings of incompleteness, inadequacy, or isolation. Students whose primary dialect is not that of the white, middle/upper class English, also tend to fall behind their counterparts in schooling as they need to learn a new system of speech in order to succeed. To obtain a future where those with language variations are uplifted and valued, we need to undue settler colonial and imperialistic ideologies within our education system. This means confronting and challenging the colonizing practices that have influenced education in the past, which are still present today and enforce systems of oppression. Beginning this process starts with language equity. Language equity "proactively reframes and re-centers the expeirences, expertise, and voices of the people often excluded in supposedly neutral writing." This means actively encouraging and accepting an academic writing style and speech style based on language versatility and which focuses on a sense of communication rather than form. This means meeting students where they are at and providing them tools to properly express themselves rather then assimilate to standards of communication reflecting the dominant group. This means dismantling professional language standards and education which favor the white upper class and prevent minority voices in reaching positions in higher education and power. This means encouraging more culturally diverse literature and media and opening space within journalism, radio, news, etc. for all voices.

Excessive behavior has always been a struggle for me. Through therapy, I realized these behaviors are not reflections of my unwillingness to change bad habits, but a side effect of ADHD gone undiagnosed for 20 years. In the past, everything I did was in an all-or-nothing capacity, which fluctuated alongside my fluctuating mania and depression. Organizing my mind using neurotypical strategies was not going to work for me because I am not neurotypical. For that reason, creating balance was not a concept I was able to grasp until very recently. Just as I hyper-fixate on activities, then drop them with similar passion, my diet and health routine have fluctuated from an obsession to completely letting myself go. From not eating to binge eating, excessive exercise to sleeping all day, then guilt, anxiety, and isolation, I’ve gone through the whole cycle. My lowest point began after high school graduation. First, it was a depressive 10, then a freshman 15, a COVID 20, and then some more. Before I knew it, I was 200 pounds, could barely climb some stairs, and my asthma was at its worst. I was spiraling and my body reflected that. When I began therapy for my ADHD, I learned to nurture a relationship between my body and mind. As I began to differentiate these connections for my ADHD and mood fluctuations, I realized the same idea is applicable with food. By learning the language of our bodies and nourishing a positive relationship between our mind and physical self, it will communicate with us when and what to eat, when to stop, when to stretch, walk, release energy, and rest. In the past 3 months, I have quit sugary drinks, implemented more walks into my daily routine, and have stopped smoking as much. My most major change has been my relationship with mealtimes. I never used to eat breakfast, sometimes had lunch, and always had a big dinner (sometimes that dinner was popcorn). I often ate quickly, in between tasks or as traveling to my next destination. With work, internship, classes, and clubs, food was not a priority and my history of unhealthy eating habits made me no longer in tune with the needs of my body. I didn’t feel hungry, or I was always hungry. I ate when I could, not when I felt I needed it, and my proportions were overly large to compensate for meals I skipped, ultimately making me sluggish and in pain. Not forcing myself to eat at fixed times but insuring when I do eat it receives all my focus, has allowed me to get in tune with my body's needs and create a routine based on that. By taking this approach I am finding I have fewer cravings, I feel more energized and have naturally better proportion sizes. By communicating and listening to my body, I am finding I am losing weight. Of course, this is only step one. With my food relatively in check, I now hope to tackle a permanent form of physical activity for myself. Currently, I am trying to do yoga and roller skate. When I go back to college for this next semester, I plan to utilize the gyms and begin weight training, for now, I am prepping with some dumbbells. Though a work in progress, taking it slow is what has allowed me to create these goals into habits rather than stressful responsibilities. As I strengthen the bond between my internal and physical self, I have hopes that my health in all capacities will only improve.

“Never feel guilty for taking what you need.” I have lived a relatively privileged life. Though low income, living paycheck by paycheck, I never went hungry, never faced housing uncertainty, I had two hard-working, healthy parents who sheltered me from our struggles. Unlike many immigrant children in similar situations, I was able to experience a childhood. These are privileges I do not take lightly and am thankful for every day. Yet awareness of these privileges, ironically, left me stuck in my position for a long time. I used to feel extreme guilt asking for help for I felt others needed it more. I would not take advantage of certain resources, scholarships, grants (though completely eligible) because I didn’t feel deserving of more than I already had. For this reason, the best financial advice I have ever received is never feel guilty for advocating for yourself and taking what you need to succeed. Having my basic necessities met does not equate to living fully. There will always be people struggling more than I am, but that does not mean I should ignore my struggles. That is counterproductive. I have come to the understanding that the key to asking for help, is paying it forward. I deserve medical and academic assistance, I deserve financial stability, I deserve fulfillment, and as I gain these opportunities and resources, I can use my new privileges to help others. This financial advice is what led me to finally attending university and pursuing a career of community work, advocacy, and social justice.

Gratitude and reciprocity are the elements which drive “paying it forward.” Beginning with reflection, I consider all I have to be thankful for. Through reflecting on the assistance I have gained thus far from those who saw my potential, the acts of kindness, the opportunities, and the privileges I have been granted, through reflection I can begin to authentically express gratitude. Feeling gratitude, showing thanks, giving thanks, then reciprocating all that has made me thankful, is what “paying it forward” means to me. Without the assistance of others, I never would have made it to where I am today. For one, the acceptance and financial assistance I received from my university, which chose to accept and help relocate first-generation, DACA students from states who would not allow them to attend college, is the only reason I would be able to attend college these past three years. The support as I transitioned from moving across the country to attend this college, from picking me up from the airport to tours of the area, was vital in such a successful drastic change. By giving me community and mental health support, something I had never had before, these acts of compassion have allowed me to live an authentic and happy life. Through the support of amazing professors who have guided me through this academic process and have fostered in me a passion for social justice, I have found the future I would like to construct for myself. Through the compassion of others, I have gained a library internship and am able to conduct an independent research study on Language Equity and use campus resources to write a book and create a podcast for this research. Through the compassion and listening ear of a professor, I was put in contact with alumni going down the same track as I, she was two months from graduating with her master's degree when I met her. Her time and advice have helped me navigate the Library Information Science field and grad school application prep. Many people have positively impacted my life allowing me to be in the position I am today, and none are more significant than the other for they were all vital in creating the version of me I am today. Being aware of all the kindness to be grateful for, makes reciprocity the only natural response. As those who saw my potential, who gave me opportunities, and supported me when I struggled, I need to pay these kindnesses forward. I have been granted many privileges and resources throughout my college experience, and I have not accepted them lightly. Reciprocity means taking what you need to be able to give it back. With one more year to go and then grad school, I hope people will continue to see potential in the work I do so I may continue the work of those who have helped me and uplift minority communities.

Struggling with mental health is an inevitable experience which all people will encounter at some point. That said, certain community structures are better equipped and more efficient in preventing and shortening lapses with mental illness. Discrepancies in rates of mental illness among countries reveal a clear pattern. When a country prioritizes community structures with mutual aid systems, reports of lonliness and isolation decrease, and healing times are found to be shorter compared to individualistic societies, such as the United States, which lack fixed community and support systems. This is because within mutual aid systems community life and support is inherent, time for rest is accessible as work is community backed, and work is adapted to the individual’s ability, providing a constant purpose without strain. The results are higher rates of reported satisfaction, happiness, and shorter lapses with mental illness. These observations support what we already known to be true about declined mental health, its main contributors are lonliness, rejection, and lack of purpose. Having a social structure which naturally provides purpose, community, time for healing, and a system for gradual reclamation into society, of course would do amazing things for mental health. Feeling needed is one of the most effective and largest motivators for those debilitated with mental illness. While changing the layout of our current social structures is not a realistic solution, creating self-sufficient communities and encouraging systems of mutual aid are possible. Community centers which provide elderly care, childcare, food, housing, mental health care in exchange for returned resources, labor, and time to the center, in whatever means that person is able, whether that be gardening, cooking, carpentry work, animal care, education, electricity work, tech, sewing, etc. will encourage overall self-sufficiency within the community, provide a space for healing, and a means in finding long term community.

As a child my parents joked the clock was my best friend. I meticulously planned out my daily activities, from when I eat, do work, socialize; all these things structured into a notepad I carried around with me at all times. I was described as dependable and responsible. I always did what needed to be done. Behind such praised behavior was an obsession with productivity, leading to burnout and time paralysis. Time was a physical essence which I feared, anxious with every passing second that I would not complete my tasks and expectations. As I aged, I developed extreme anxiety, depression, and insomnia. I felt I simply drifted around alongside time, doing what I was told was correct to do. As I approached high school graduation and for the first time truly had the freedom to choose what to do with time, to sum it up shortly, I freaked out. When graduation came and I could not afford college like the rest of my friends I slumped further into my depression and suicidal thoughts. I felt I had no identity, no friends, no passions, and began to realize by stressing over time I truly was wasting it. As I stumbled through my new adult life, I felt anger for never pursuing my wants. I was stuck. During this gap year, I had a full-time job and was trying to figure out what thing I loved and could do for the rest of my life. My idea was to follow what all the influencers told me to do and turn my passion into work. Needless to say, jumping from hobby to hobby until something clicked was not an effective or realistic method for figuring out my shit. I was at a loss, to put it bluntly, I wanted to unalive myself. I could not see value in anything I had to offer, therefore could not see purpose, and I struggled with loneliness, fear, past traumas, and a lot of denial about my identity. As I could not envision a future for myself, I felt I had no reason to work for. The purpose of time, in my mind, being productivity. As tasks had previously always been structured, goals lain out, the possibility of being whatever I want, was too much. Knowing what I truly wanted would disappoint those I love further hindered me. I eventually did go to college and received mental help. I began navigating my obsession with time, becoming more accepting of my truth, and exploring my gender identity. A side effect of ADHD is often an extreme relationship with time, whether that manifests in anxious forgetfulness or obsessiveness. Learning coping tools for ADHD, I began slowly changing my relationship with time. These lessons are what truly made me a healthier and happier person. I could finally envision a future. In a society that values time as a commodity rather than a navigation tool, we easily can become obsessed with productivity. The commodification of our time instills in us that if we are not doing anything of physical value, we have no worth. This is not a sustainable nor healthy way to live. Time is a manmade concept for organization under capitalism and while vital in our daily functions other than within my professional life, I had to let go of structure and find balance. Allowing myself to do absolutely nothing, funny enough, brought me more happiness and success than ever before. We should not allow ourselves to do things we enjoy; times purpose is to be enjoyed. Life is to be enjoyed. Learning this helped me move forward.

1. A life ruled by my American dog, I work to fulfill his needs. With age, I find his consumption of toys, costly trips to the dog park, cuddly blankets, and a rotating personal entourage of professional petters and brushers, are simply transcending my limited capacity to provide. I ask for scholarship, not for me, but in the name of the most wholesome mixed retriever, my 'companion' (or ruler) Leo. He truly knows best. 2. As an alien my ultimate goal is to master the craft of capitalistic ideology. I have yet to grasp the self-persuasion tactics necessary to un-apply critical thinking skills and deny my academic studies. Yet, I hope to get there someday. For surely it is a truthful craft, as the passion capitalists exhibit as they contend to the destruction of life, well there must be something to it. Therefore my academic, career, and life objective is to convince my peers, professors, fellow participating capitalist, why this system truly benefits us all. 3. Bread. The killing predator which ate my insides and threw me into the hospital. An allergic reaction they called it. I called it a duel to the death with the ultimate crop, wheat. A truly bloody battle, but I raised above my adversary.

The conversations I was exposed to early on, which set the foundation for my language and education to come, were rooted in multilinguistic/multicultural ideology and appreciation. Coming from a family of immigrants who changed continents not once but twice, my perception of society has always been expansive. With many languages, people, and perspectives visible to me as a child, education became synonymous with perceptions other than my own. What is obvious to me is not so to others and vice versa. So, when communicating, or learning, I must try and understand by, to quote my mom, ‘stepping in their shoes’. When I entered the public school system, I struggled with the limitations found in American schooling. I was raised to believe that nothing ever truly has one solution. Solutions, conclusions, beliefs, interpretations, analysis’, range as large as there are people, and none are necessarily truer or better than others. Of course, this does not apply to all comparisons such as certain religious ideologies vs. conclusions based on testable, repeatable studies. I simply mean in relation to each other within their set field, no thoroughly thought out and analyzed conclusion is necessarily wrong but reflects different people's realities and standpoints. Though I may not agree, I can agree that for that person it may be/feel true. The ability to accept that our reality and perception of the world are different from others yet no more correct delves into the ability to critically think and analyze our standpoints, experiences, and biases. Such is a skill not valued within American culture. American public education does not teach proper critical thinking skills. We are given a step-by-step solution of how things should be done, are told to memorize that, and then through standardized testing are told whether we are successful and smart. We know standardized tests do nothing to assist learning and only inform whether one can memorize the steps assigned for particular scenarios. We are not taught the process to formulate our own conclusions or given the liberty to come to conclusions on our own through conversation, internal or external. Thankfully, a handful of amazing teachers within my 12 years of public schooling, who rightfully questioned standardized tests and curriculum, going against their authority, taught me the most significant lesson in all my schooling: always question why. Why are our schools set up this way, why this material, for whom is this benefiting, what can be done instead. Teaching me to question and how to ask questions was vital in reawakening what I was taught as a child, and which our society works every step of the way to stifle. Not fearing endless curiosity, understanding we do not know it all, accepting the responses we hear may be different from what we had thought, but not necessarily more or less true. It then may and should trigger more questions, more research, and more conversation. This lesson along with the education received at home and within my community was vital in my choice to concentrate on a cultural study perspective of media and literature, to study intersectional identities, social justice, and cultural competency. I am happy to say that attempts at stifling my questioning have not hindered my interest and capacity to search beyond my initial conclusions. We tend not to question the way we think, yet how we think is a byproduct of our upbringing. Realizing that is the first step in being able to critically analyze issues within our world and is vital in creating a more equitable future. Education has shaped my worldview by expanding it outside of my own experience.

Libraries are hubs for knowledge and community engagement, making them amazing social justice tools. By creating outreach programs one can truly learn the needs of their community and provide, organize, or advocate for those resources. Public libraries are also one of the only institutions which provide education and information to all who seek it, no matter age, race, ethnicity, legal status, ability, gender, class, and any other intersectional identity which one may have. As factors of identity are not relevant in accessing library services, libraries are amazing spaces for creating discussions on equal flooring and encouraging relationships with others based in pursuit of various knowledge rather than only experience, similar experience being the people we tend to be exposed to in our day by day. A large part of public library work is creating safe spaces for open dialogue and questions with all people. Furthermore, it the responsibility of librarians to ensure inclusivity in materials, bringing forward works reflective of all history and experiences, and highlighting cultural competency in all programs. Implementing inclusivity, solidarity, and understanding within our social interactions begin with education on our communication practices. To do so people must have a non-judgmental space for education, self-reflection, and perhaps critique of their own lives and history. The accessibility of information, a space to learn, and the time to do so is vital for such work. Thus, ensuring the future of libraries and ensuring they adapt to meet advancements in technology is vital in establishing an equitable society. Currently, as a student, I study the ways different intersecting identities manifest to create unique experiences and learn how to strive toward a more just and equitable society. Thus far, I have applied my learnt skills with work in Freedom, an immigration rights and advocacy organization, my campus Pride Center, and as secretary for DiversAbility, a disability activism group on my campus. In addition, I am secretary for my school's Sigma Tau Delta Chapter, the International English Honor Society, where we work with our English Department to ignite a love for English within our student body and surrounding community through writing workshops, events, book clubs, and more. I hope to continue and further the advocacy work I do within these organizations as a librarian. As well as the work I will be doing as a librarian I hope to continue my current research and advocacy for language equity and deconstruction of settler colonial ideology within education and our thought processes. Language equity refers to the systemic oppression of certain languages, varieties (dialects), and their reflective writing styles in our society stemming from colonial practices such as language imperialism. Briefly, what this will mean is actively encouraging and accepting an academic, educational, and professional writing and speaking style based on language versatility and which focuses on a sense of communication rather than form. It also means changing how we understand communication and speech, consequently altering how we perceive and engage with one another. Overall, with my advanced schooling, I hope to pursue work which assist in undoing the systemic oppressions which block certain communities from accessing basic human rights.