Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is what the Doctor said. I know I did not hear clearly because the noise in my mind was too loud. This life has never been kind and the types of abuse just keep getting worst with age. Life was not supposed to be like this but through my savior, Jesus Christ, I am alive. No amount of sexual, physical or mental abuse can have me when Jesus does. I am supporting others and myself through Harvest Christian Fellowship with a Reboot Trauma. This program has helped so many that have been through the most this life has to offer. My prayers are that someone will hear the things that God saved me from and it will shine on His glory that we do not have to become what we have lived. Abuse and assault do not have to define who you are as a person. You are not what you have been through! There is so much hope and help for people that are going through things and I want to be apart of it. Going through things alone is the hardest thing to do, Trust as a single mother, I know. Being raised by Narcissistic parents, not what I thought growing up but now I know. Being groomed to live a life that would be under dictatorship. Once I was old enough to leave, I did and to marry a husband whom was a Narcissist in disguise. Waking up one day and just knowing that I had to leave because being abused by your husband is not something that you want. Realizing that the babies that you swore to protect is being hurt too and you see the damage. How do you heal from that?! Healing is not something that is easy and it is not a quick process. Taking the time to understand that you are not at fault for what happened but finding a way to live with what happened and not allow this trauma to run your life. Rising above is hard and not been easy. Making change for the better is never easy but If you apply yourself and make sure that you are not living in the pain then you will survive. Finding purpose in the pain is something that has reignited with me for years and for good reason. You will never understand why things happened the way they did or if it was deserved? I assure you of this every bad things can be made for His good.

Abuse is ramp it in this day and age and I had to get out. Moving across the country to flea was not the original plan but I had too. As a Mother, it is my job to protect my kids but what about when your abuser starts to make you think that you are the one with the issue? I picked up and I am starting over with my 3 children in a new state. I am currently sharing a home with another family and it has been hard. Going back to school was an easy decision but this has made life so hard. I just need some help and I am so used to doing it alone that I almost do not know how to ask for anything. Church has saved my mind with the grace of my Lord Jesus Christ. If not for the salvation he provides, I do not think that I would have been able to get up off of the floor to be a Mother for my children. This was the last time that I will ever run. I am going to school and have been since March of 23'. I have obtained 2 Certificates(CCS, CCA) in Medical Billing and Coding and I am now getting the Associates degree for Health Information Management. This career is going to make sure that not only am I able to provide for my children but also allows me to work from home and never have to ask another person to care for them. Being a single Mother put me in a position to have to work so many hours and have others raising my children and I missed out on a lot of them growing up. That time, I know that I will never be able to make up or get back but I will make sure that I am always there from here on. Asking for help of any kind has always been hard; as I am usually the person people are looking to get help from. Times are changing and I am learning that sometimes you do need to ask for help and that it is ok. The one thing that I want to teach my children( 2 girls and son) from everything that they have seen and heard is that it is ok! It is ok to start over and it does not matter how old you are! Be humble and carry grace always. Thank you to whom ever read this and I pray it finds you well. God Bless you.