On June 1, 2024, I sat fourth row at my solemn graduation ceremony. I cheered on my peers and sauntered across the stage with as much confidence as my body could express. I was filled with bliss, excitement, and for the first time in a while, redemption. My superintendent had us stand in union and turn our tassels to the left. A wave of new emotions cascaded over me; my inclination had gone from merriment to sadness in a heartbeat. I wasn't supposed to be here. I began to think back to my very first year of high school. The disconnect I felt with teachers and my peers as I hadn't seen either of them beyond a Chromebook screen, was extremely detrimental to me. I was robbed of my first homecoming, first prom, and first walk through my new school. All of which would have made my first year a core memory. I was isolated and lost contact with many of my friends and family and as a result, I fell into deep depression. My grades had slipped, my GPA had plummeted and my hunger for academics had perished. I was angry at the world for what had occurred, at my family for not noticing, and at myself for not trying.
For the next two years of school, I struggled to pick up the pieces. I opted to retake classes and connect with people I had forgotten existed. After semester one, things seemed to be operating normally again; until I lost my number one supporter - my Nana. I knew in advance that she had a tumor and suffered many seizures, but I never thought she’d leave my side. Nana was a fighter; therefore, I wasn't worried when she’d undergo surgery. However, she seemed like a figment of my imagination now and I refused to believe the woman lying in the casket was her.
My senior year has begun, and it is, without a doubt, my most rewarding year to date. After all the trials and tribulations, I felt vindication. I'm enrolled in therapy, making new connections, reaching milestones, and finding healthy coping mechanisms. I no longer revert to thoughts of harm and instead, I pray. I spend hours in my church alone, remembering my purpose and why I was put on this earth. I read different genres and find beauty in the complex things in life now. During my free time, I'm with my friends and family and have conversations about mental health and ways to improve it. I also find solace in nature and go for long walks or hikes to clear my head.
The phrase "There is light at the end of the tunnel." is a testament to me. This fall, I will attend university as a first-generation student. I will double major in Biology and Chemistry and minor in French. I will dedicate my career to research on bio-medical systems and advocate for fairness, inclusion, and the humanities in the medical realm. Another goal of mine is to spread awareness about mental health in BIPOC communities where it's often not taken seriously. In addition, I plan on giving scholarships and grants to my community to assist them in school and childcare while improving their mental health.
So, as I turn my tassel, I turn my tassel for the 9th-grader who didn't want to live, the 10th-grader who lost her world, the 11th-grader who failed academically, and the 12th-grader who lived to tell this story. I'm grateful to be here and share my experiences with others and help them with their struggles. Thank you.