The debasement of the mind Reflecting on what was my own Before anxiety My mind assumed its proper throne The kingdom set me free Manipulation casting a spell Where chaos had no charm The deepest depths was where I’d dwell Beyond physical harm Within this hell, my mind would stay Yearning for calm to come Unease and unrest would delay; Emotions remained numb Negative sparks, the only source Of light throughout this dark Immersed in hectic, blunt remorse Yet no one there to hark Panic and fear set thoughts ablaze Lighting the fatal fuse Anticipation adds to craze; Demise without a ruse My heart racing across the line But finishing is too far Looking up for hope’s incline Too distant from that star I shower tears, a taste of salt Destined to drown me soon Flooding my faith, despair won’t halt Playing my own lonely tune A partitioned heart beating through my chest Gripping my heart with force Nightmares suffocate at best Each haunting to enforce Subconscious fears all come alive Holding my smile at ransom Hysteria won’t let me thrive Nor hint where it comes from Power that I once had is gone Bent to anxiety A will that’s placed vigor upon My own kingdom, ends brutally It crowns itself as the new king A dictator so vile That I lose grasp of everything Submerged in my own bile Hope is a dimming flame that shrinks As I give in to such The climb I once had only sinks; I quit on every clutch Escape is fading from my mind Restrained by feasting fear Consuming each piece it can find Till I am no longer here Slowly I will become a slave Past any coming back Beneath the horizon, my grave Is where I sink from flack I’m unable to be myself The burdens stack too high Value of life has lost its wealth And I must now say goodbye Perhaps, somewhere a miracle Considers shining through But until then, gray skies are full With no signs of blue.

To me, a community is a group of like-minded people who have the same or similar background as yourself. I was born into a gender-biased community. A boy-child is considered a blessing whereas a girl-child is a burden. Both my parents are of Punjabi-Pakistani descent and were determined to carry the family name and lineage by producing a male heir to their tribal throne. I was the second daughter to parents who longed for a son. I was even given a boy’s name, Areez. which means leader, and warrior. This name could not be more appropriate as I had to prove to my parents and community that they had a much better deal by having a girl over a boy. Reversing generational ideologies would not be an easy task but I was Areez, the warrior. I knew the only way to see change would be to accept change. However, I never lost hope. As I grew older, I realized that education was the only way to rise above adversity. Although my initial experiences as a second daughter were difficult and sad, however, I was not the only victim. I came across many girls of my background who also suffered silently. It was for that reason I decided I would pursue an education that promotes equity and social justice for young girls in my community. I like to help individuals by promoting principles of quality and reassuring women of all minorities that there is light in the darkest of times and that you can make it through the most challenging situations. In this pursuit, I have also realized that there is very little representation of young women of my linguistic and cultural background. I speak Urdu, Punjabi, Arabic, Spanish and English and feel that my education can serve many communities that experience social disparities. With that in mind, I began a group for girls who experienced similar familial and cultural pressures. We would meet at my house for a session which I called “chai and chat.” We meet informally to discuss pressures, sadness and change we want to see in the community. We encourage each other and have established a sisterhood that provides support and counseling. To see gender equality, we have invited our family and community to chai and chat sessions to engage in positive change. I have personally seen a change in accepting my choice of career goals. While girls from my community are expected to become doctors and teachers, I would like to study law. My family has warmed up to novel ideas and I feel a sense of security within my community. I feel that I enhance my community by speaking my truth and discussing issues that otherwise would remain undiscussed in my community. Through this effort, I have seen a slow and steady change in the mindset of my people. I would like to say that I am not the exception to the rule but rather the exception who is changing the rule.

When I was a child, I was always surrounded by giving people. My grandparents were always going out of their way to help others and my aunts, uncles, and cousins would occasionally send me gifts. By the time I was in high school, I had hundreds of stuffed animals, dolls, and other gifts from my family. Their kindness stayed with me for years. They didn't only give me things when it was my birthday, but also when they found out about something I wanted to buy or just because they knew I loved a certain thing. We were never very well off, either, so I grew up knowing that each present I received came from someone's hard work or sacrifice. I learned how important money was in life at a very early age, and I know that not everyone is as fortunate as I was to have people who cared about me and gave to me without any expectation of payment in return. Each item I owned was, to me, a display of true selflessness, and it meant more to me because of it. It also taught me to value and appreciate things that are handmade because they take time and effort to create. As I got older and started making my own money, I decided to continue the tradition of helping others in my free time. I started by volunteering at collection bins, to collect food for people who couldn't afford it. It felt good to be able to help others who were less fortunate than I was. It was also a much more productive use of my after-school free time than playing video games or hanging out with my friends. Being in high school means that my options are fairly limited when it comes to extracurricular activities, so being able to do something meaningful with my time was very fulfilling for me. It was rewarding to see that I was able to make a difference by sharing the things I had with others in need. At some point, I realized that the huge amount of toys and other presents I had accumulated in my room over the years were not only taking up space but were also not being used anymore. They sat sadly in the corner of the basement, where I rarely went, and I wasn't particularly attached to any of them. I decided that I didn't want to grow up with a bunch of useless clutter that they couldn't use or enjoy, so I decided to donate them to a place where other children could benefit from them. I contacted all of my relatives who had given me the presents, and after making sure that they were okay with my donating the items, I sent them along to an organization that I found online. The organization helped to donate some of the items to people who could not afford to buy gifts for their children on Christmas and handed out toys to children in orphanages or homeless shelters. I hoped that the gifts would brighten up the holidays for the children who received them and that they might make them as happy as they had once made me.