As a little girl I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, I loved learning and helping and I especially loved the idea of taking care of the little ones. I have always known that I want to be a helper. Growing up with two very involved parents both in my life and in my community, I learned that the greatest feeling of all is the rush of joy you get after being kind. As I’ve grown up and experienced new things my track shifted but not my love and passion for helping kids and the community. During my early teen years, I lost sight of why my life was important and I was diagnosed with depression and without the brilliance of my pediatric psychiatrist I would not be here today to tell my story. As a woman of color, I recognize our culture of strength and perseverance; however, I also believe in the strength of admitting you need help. I am hoping to use this scholarship to pursue my bachelors degree in psychology and eventually obtain my medical degree to become a pediatric psychiatrist and help kids like me. Mental illness is surrounded by stigma and negative connotation, within the black community mental illness isn’t acknowledged often and when it is, it is brief and dismissive. Parents often dismiss the feelings of their child or teen because as an adult their problems seem so small, but to them the problem is too much to handle. I want to use my experiences and learning opportunities at Florida A&M University to give black kids a chance to be open with their experiences with mental health and understand that it only makes you stronger than you were yesterday. I intend to put this scholarship wholly towards my education and become an activist and a voice for the voiceless , creating a safe space for children and parents of children with mental illness. After experiencing my own battle with mental health, I understand the importance behind a strong support system. I am lucky to have parents who are willing to communicate and learn to understand what my mental illness looks like, but this acceptance from them did not happen on its own. Having a psychiatrist who was able to understand my brain and explain it made my journey much easier. Seeing yourself reflected in a mental health professional is rare for kids like me, but I understand that me being a young black woman can make the child and the parent much more comfortable. I can see this scholarship helping me to achieve my goals and bringing my education to the next level.

As a little girl I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, I loved learning and helping and I especially loved the idea of taking care of the little ones. I have always known that I want to be a helper. Growing up with two very involved parents both in my life and in my community, I learned that the greatest feeling of all is the rush of joy you get after being kind. As I’ve grown up and experienced new things my track shifted but not my love and passion for helping kids and the community. During my early teen years, I lost sight of why my life was important and I was diagnosed with depression and without the brilliance of my pediatric psychiatrist I would not be here today to tell my story. As a woman of color, I recognize our culture of strength and perseverance; however, I also believe in the strength of admitting you need help. I am hoping to use this scholarship to pursue my bachelors degree in psychology and eventually obtain my medical degree to become a pediatric psychiatrist and help kids like me. Mental illness is surrounded by stigma and negative connotation, within the black community mental illness isn’t acknowledged often and when it is, it is brief and dismissive. Parents often dismiss the feelings of their child or teen because as an adult their problems seem so small, but to them the problem is too much to handle. I want to use my experiences and learning opportunities at Florida A&M University to give black kids a chance to be open with their experiences with mental health and understand that it only makes you stronger than you were yesterday. I intend to put this scholarship wholly towards my education and become an activist and a voice for the voiceless , creating a safe space for children and parents of children with mental illness. After experiencing my own battle with mental health, I understand the importance behind a strong support system. I am lucky to have parents who are willing to communicate and learn to understand what my mental illness looks like, but this acceptance from them did not happen on its own. Having a psychiatrist who was able to understand my brain and explain it made my journey much easier. Seeing yourself reflected in a mental health professional is rare for kids like me, but I understand that me being a young black woman can make the child and the parent much more comfortable. I can see this scholarship helping me to achieve my goals and bringing my education to the next level.

In 2009 I began my academic journey in a small V-PK program at an elementary school in my district, and it was there where I met a boy who would change the trajectory of my life forever. Joseph was the kind of kid to light up a room, he was intelligent, kind and absolutely hilarious. We spent 14 years of our educational careers in the same space but in my junior year of high school our friendship truly blossomed. We spent one hour every day together and very rarely finished an assignment in class as the bone aching laughter that took over our bodies just seemed more important; and looking back, I realize no assignment is more special to me then the moments I shared with him. He became a highlight of my day, a regular character in the stories I told my parents when I came home from school, but after returning from an extended Christmas break due to a covid-19 diagnosis, I was given the news that he had committed suicide in his home the night before. For the past five years I have struggled with clinical depression, and once I had finally felt like I had everything under control, life threw me another curve ball. The entire county struggled with the news of his death, he was such an important part of our community and he had so much to live for, he was a college prospect for band and one of the top students in our class, we were all devastated. I couldn't seem to find the motivation to live past my grief. How was it that a kid as bright as Joe couldn't find something to live for and what does that say about me? I was completely derailed, my world became so small and every experience became a reminder of him and the life he will never live. Days of devastating grief turned into weeks and I just couldn't find it in my soul to go back to normal when it felt like everything had changed, the seat next to mine was devastatingly empty and it felt like I would never feel the achyness of uncontrollable giggles again. I never imagined looking into the sea of graduates as I crossed the stage that Joe would be a face missing from the crowd, and hearing his name called as a Memorial Scholarship and not an honors award recipient was devastating, but keeping myself locked away in the darkness of my own grief would not bring him back, nor would it honor him the way he deserved. I decided to live my life by the mantra of ‘today is not for me’, this idea is for those days where it feels like my life is worth nothing, because if I can't live for me, I need to live for him. Over the years I have gone back and forth on where I wanted my career to lead me. I have always wanted to be an advocate for young children and teens but I could never seem to decide between psychology or law. After losing my friend the answer was clear, I need to be invested as an active part of the solution, and to me this means getting my medical degree and becoming a pediatric psychiatrist. I want to advocate for the de-stigmatization of mental health in adolescents, because the more accessible mental health services are, the more Joseph's we get to see in the world, fully grown and reaching their full potential.

Every morning, after dragging myself out of the warmth of my bed I shake out five pills from the two clear orange bottles on my kitchen counter, I take a deep breath, put one foot in front of the other and remind myself that I’m not my thoughts but my actions. It took a long time for me to develop this routine and I have spent most of my young adult life adapting it into my daily schedule. My depression haunts me every day but the skills learned through this experience have shaped me into who I am, making me a better daughter, student, friend and athlete. My mental health journey has been long and tumultuous, but I am grateful for every second of it. Growing up, I was a normal kid, the type of kid teachers tell parents was a “pleasure to have in class,” despite my tendency to chat with my table partners. When I was eleven, my mood took a sudden turn for the worst. I completely lost interest in life, I laid awake at night and begged God for one good day. I felt completely hopeless; I couldn’t see logic and convinced myself that I was unlovable. My parents felt the best plan was to enroll me in therapy and take me to a psychiatrist where I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I fought against medication for a long time, the notion of taking meds seemed unbearable. The stigma around mental illness made me feel like needing pills made me defective. I was terrified that taking medication would confirm my worst fears. What if my depression was right and I was unlovable? Therapy and medication were incredibly inconvenient, but I knew I had to commit to helping myself. After months of testing different treatment plans, I found the proper prescription for my depression. Therapy helped me realize who I am; I accepted my identity as a queer woman of color and worked on being a more authentic version of myself. I figured out a schedule that worked for me and ensured I took my meds every day. As time passed I found myself smiling more and crying less; I invested myself in relationships and new opportunities. I learned how to communicate effectively and spent time rebuilding and regaining trust. I made new friends and I cannot imagine my life without them. Maintaining the connection I built with them is just as important as taking my medication. My school has one of the most prestigious weightlifting programs in the state of Florida and I’m overjoyed to say that I discovered a passion for it and was able to compete at the state level. I committed myself to finishing high school with my International Baccalaureate diploma and going on to college to become a pediatric psychiatrist. My passion for helping kids has combined with my experiences with mental illness to push me towards a career path where I can change lives.