The universe, in many ways, seems that it doesn't want to be understood. We still do not know many things about its nature. We are left with questions of time, being, and space. Does time exist, or is it only a perception? How is it possible that we have come to being? How big is our universe on the grand scale? I'm afraid that many of these questions will never have an answer, at least an answer not understandable by the human species. When looking into the curiosities of our existence, I begin to realize more and more that understanding our universe does not even revolve around these questions. The understanding of the universe comes when one grasps that we will never know the full truth and that it doesn't matter if we are left with questions. One of my professors once brought up to me how their indigenous tribe had less stress throughout history compared to Europeans. He told me that it was because while his people questioned things, they did not put these questions above their spirituality. I believe spirituality is much different than religion. To me, spirituality is the connection between a person and the universe around them. Spirituality is the acceptance that you are a part of the universe, no more important than any other piece, and this is an understanding far beyond any scientific answer. You can have all the answers in the world and still not understand the universe. It would be foolish of me to lie and say that I don't want these answers. I do... it is a natural part of human life which we cannot ignore. However, it would be even more foolish for me to act that these answers are the understanding in which we are seeking. A perfect metaphor for this distinction would be as follows: A man had one goal his whole life, to become a lawyer. In fact, he wanted to be the best lawyer in New York. All throughout high school he poured his ambition into his grades, then college came and he did the same. He never partied because he knew that a social life would only distract him from reaching his desired position. His grades and academic attitude immediately put him above the rest, thus he was quickly hired into a law firm. Slowly he worked his way up until he was considered one of the top two lawyers in New York. He was in a tie. A case appeared on his desk one day against his competitor, and he knew just how to win it. Everyone thought it would be another easy win for him. Yet, when the trial rolled around, his lack of empathy for the perpetrator's grieving mother by putting her on the stand proved that the perpetrator was guilty but also that the trial was about a ruthless win, not simple guilt. The jury did ultimately claim the perpetrator guilty-- but with a fine so low that the lawyer was now the laughing butt of jokes. You see, the man did everything his textbook told him to do, but he was off by an inch. Due to his lack of social experience, he was blind in understanding how the trial would play out. No matter all the answers you have, the key is understanding the deeper connections of the universe and yourself as a part of it. In the future, I merely hope that I will employ the concept of spirituality into my everyday habits whether through meditation or spending more time out in the unfiltered wildness of Earth's nature. As I become more respected I hope that I will continue these ideas while also introducing family members and friends to the idea. Perhaps that will create a domino effect of people becoming closer to the universe around them. Sometimes I fear people jump so easily to the conclusion that spirituality is just a part of hippie propaganda, even though when you take a step back, it is the key to understanding life as a whole.

Ten years ago, little me would have never guessed that I would be waking up at 6 a.m. to pick up garbage of my own free will. I guess that's the funny thing about life, is that you always end up where you least expect it. The first time I volunteered at my local library I thought that it would be merely a one-time thing. However, I didn't expect to love the addicting sense of community that the library had managed to build. Soon volunteering came as easy as breathing, that's not to say that I wanted to wake up at 6 a.m. but rather that by doing so it fed me an odd sense of adrenaline. At that time I struggled with depression and OCD, but by tying myself down to something that was greater than myself gave me a purpose to get out of bed. My core values remained the same, but they became stronger. Through volunteering, I became more self-assured and I began to act as a leader in my group of volunteers. It started to not be enough for me, I wanted to volunteer more but the opportunities were sparse at the library. It led to the point in which I decided to expand, and it didn't take long before I pitched a nonprofit idea to two of my closest friends. The library offered books to kids but only to rent. I wanted to give the local low-income elementary children free books that they got to keep. Together the three of us mapped out how it would work. We would start a program at the library where we would read to children and then have them create their own stories whether through a drawing or a written paragraph. After the program, given that permission forms are signed, we would take a couple of the short stories and turn them into a buyable children's book. Through an online Amazon shop people would have access to buy the books, and with that money, we would buy bulk amounts of books to donate to the local low-income elementary schools. We will be up and running by January when the local library has scheduled our first active program. I am determined to make this nonprofit successful, and I hope that it can turn into a career. Even if the nonprofit is only mildly successful, I want to take everything that I learned from the experience of running such a nonprofit to better apply myself when potentially working for or volunteering at another nonprofit in the future. I believe that all good things start small, and when I am old and weary I will not look back at this time to merely regret not giving back to this world.

If I could have everyone in the world read just one book, I would choose, "Speechless," by Adam P. Schmitt. One of the hardest things in a person's life is dealing with grief. It is inevitable. Whether the grief stems from the passing of a loved one, an old chapter of one's life closing, or a break up; It is the thing that makes us human. Without grief we cannot have joy. Without grief, we can not have complexity. In, "Speechless," the narrator is Jimmy, a tween boy who doesn't know what to do at his cousin's wake. He is expected to give a speech on a fond memory of Patrick, but he can't think of even one. His cousin was difficult to deal with and often made Jimmy's life a living hell. The book goes on to describe separate, not so-fond, memories of Patrick. Through this first-person reflection on Jimmy's past with his cousin, he realizes that there was more to Patrick's history than the mean kid that Patrick came across as. Yes, Patrick was rude, anger-prone, and erratic. But he was also a truly misunderstood, depressed child who merely sought attention. By the end of the book, Jimmy realizes that his speech doesn't need to be of fond memories, but rather of honest ones. This book deals with grief, family dynamics, and self-reflection. It is a very important read in an easy-to-read format. After I read it in my seventh grade year of middle school, my perspective on how I view myself and other people completely shifted. The book urged me to accept that life is complex and that I don't always need to know the right answer or do the right thing. Rather it taught me that to be able to give myself grace, I have to give others grace. It isn't a one way street, and that's okay. I can't predict how other people will perceive this book, but I do know that in one way or another, it will open their eyes to the complex dynamics within ourselves that we often ignore.