Music has always been a form of therapy and expression for me, which is why many of my songs on Spotify are written about heartbreak and pain I have felt from experiences. Many of my songs focus on the deep emotions felt by heartbreak and betrayal, emotions various types of people can relate to. Creating music has allowed me to express myself in a way where I do not feel alone, because I know the people listening to my music feel my pain. These people sympathize with my pain and can help me. That’s the beauty of creating music. Individuals have the ability to create something so universal, yet so personal, and people from different walks of life can establish a common ground for it. On the other hand, this musical dream of mine has been hard to achieve as I am a first-generation Indian in America. This means that my parents can be very traditional, and my dream of a music career is unconventional for them. It’s the thoughts of “If I make this decision, will I bring shame to my family” or “If I don’t become a doctor, will my parents never acknowledge my success?” that haunts me, as I often wonder who to please - myself for my family? These thoughts haunt many, including myself, yet mental illness is often seen as shameful within Asian families. Many of us hurt in silence, carrying the guilt and pain of not being understood or supported by our parental figures. In order to propel myself towards my dreams in the music industry, I would use this scholarship to invest in a piano. I would like to improve my music production, but also act as a role model for other minorities within this field. By doing so, I hope to inspire people to take initiative to make changes in their lives and chase their dreams. I hope people can see that I will never give up on my dreams even if the results are minuscule. I will continue to choose myself and my desires, as those are the facets that shape who I am.

The song that inspires me is It’s You by me. It reminds me of who I was, who I never will be, and who I have become. Inspired by cheating, in the song, I beg him to get his life together and stay with me. The first 10 songs in my playlist highlight the feelings of heartbreak and pain I felt. Overtime, the playlist becomes a motto for growth and self-love. I realized that I will never beg for anyone to stay in my life. From being sad to being the best version of myself, these songs initiated my growth.

In the traditional South Asian mindset, the top three occupations are a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, but none of those paths were for me. I was never interested in becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, and that was difficult for my parents to understand. Traditional Asian parents expect you to put aside your own desires to make your family happy and, of course, as a way to show off to the community. The people that I saw who lived up to this ideal appeared happy, at least superficially so.I had mistaken that for true happiness, which caused me to spiral into a circus of dark thoughts. I woke up every morning wondering,“Am I a disappointment to my parents?” , “Am I making a selfish decision?”. I try to not let those thoughts consume my mind. I will not put aside my needs and wants in order to please those around me. I now prioritize my own happiness and do things for me, rather than doing things for those around me. My goal is to defy the traditional values my family holds. I’ve always felt conflicted. What side of me should I please: the American side or the Indian side? I felt like I was living a double life, and in both of those lives no one understood me. It wasn’t until I decided to start doing things that made me happy, like the old cliche goes, that I began to accept myself and reconcile my own conflict. Every coin has two sides, after all. So, I started a music blog with 40,000 followers, which did not seem like an accomplishment in the eyes of my parents, but to me it meant the world. I began to make music, something seen as unconventional within the eyes of my family, but not to me. At the end of the day, I choose Anjali. Not the American side of me, not the Indian side of me. Just Anjali. Conflicted for so long, I eventually learned that I had to care for myself. I had to teach myself to ignore the spiteful comments from the South Asian community. This caused me to spiral into the process of self-love. Self-love for South Asian children is different than usual. Self-love for us is having the ability to understand the difference between what is good for you versus what will look good to a community. Self-love is learning self sufficiency by pursuing the education and career dreams that may not align with your parents’ desires. Self-love is being unapologetically yourself, being able to hold your own hand and guide yourself through life, because sometimes all you have is yourself. I am proud to be first-generation American. I am proud to have the ability to change the traditional mindsets in my family. I am forever grateful for the sacrifices made for me. I am the only person I have to please. I will always choose myself, Anjali Popli.