I grew up in church, both of my parents are ministers and I have various family members ranking throughout several parts of the church. I grew up listening to criticism over one thing after the next, and it was exhausting, to say the least. One of the biggest things that was drilled into my head was to wait until marriage to have sex, because of this my virginity is the biggest burden I carry, to the point where at one point I wished the option was taken from me so I wouldn't have to worry about it. The burden of waiting ate me alive for many years, but as I've grown and experienced life, I'm finding fewer issues with waiting despite being envious of my friends. But growing up in church came with more than sexual trauma, it came with anxiety of being abandoned by people, constantly feeling I'm not good enough, and it stripped my individuality. My mother told me once that I didn't have a choice in my religion, and that haunts me to this day. My mother is the reason I have a lot of trauma now, even though I've been lucky enough to not live with her anymore, the ways she raised me still haunt me. I am a middle child, so growing up I got the least amount of attention compared to my sisters. This caused me to get into a lot of trouble, but also be very comfortable being alone and depending on myself. I remember getting into trouble, being sent to my room, and having to miss meals so I would eat the raw macaroni and dried glue from old school projects. To this day, I keep an abundance of snacks in my room for "emergencies" because I learned young that hiding food in my room was a good way to ensure I wouldn't go hungry the next time I got in trouble. My mother used to complain about being a mom, about the sacrifices she made for us. One time she fought me while I was completely naked because I'd worked a 14-hour shift, came home, showered, and was ready for bed despite there being dishes in the sink. Her dishes. She fought me because I had a problem with doing the dishes when I wasn't even home to contribute, and she wanted them done before my dad got home. I yelled at her over and over that I'm a human being and I deserve respect, and she told me to my face I did not. It's been years and I'm still not over it, I still have to remind myself how wrong she is and was, and that I deserved better and I will get better one day. Early childhood trauma presents itself in many different ways, it leads to insecurities and mental disorders like anxiety and depression, and it causes people to act in sketchy ways. I often call myself a "mom whore" because I lean against the mothers of a lot of my friends. After all, their moms are better than mine and I feel safer with them. Childhood trauma can either set someone back or push them over the edge to get success and freedom. It's a slippery slope, and I wish I had a trusted adult by my side growing up to remind me of my worth and not to focus on those bad things. I plan on advocating for people who don't know how, and making sure I can be people's reminder that they are worth so much more than the world lets them think.