I have had the unfortunate opportunity to get a first-hand look at most sides of the mental health epidemic that is plaguing our nation. Growing up, I had always had issues with mental health, going to multiple psychiatrists, therapists, outpatient treatment facilities, and sometimes emergent care. I ended up struggling with bad habits shortly thereafter in the name of trying to feel better. It did not do much for me except help me to stuff my emotions and my feelings as a child and young adult. I ended up being able to stuff my feelings and my urges and did not give myself the proper care and attention that I needed. I tried to live a normal life while ignoring the ongoing war that was happening inside of me. I got into an incredibly unhealthy and codependent relationship and pretended that everything was fine. In 2021 on November 18th, my boyfriend lost his own battle with depression and took his life. It was incredibly hard and I ended up reverting back to old ways and bad habits. Exactly two months later on January 18th, 2022, my older brother who also struggled with mental health decided to take his life as well. The pain and turmoil is something that I would not wish upon anyone. I fell backward into darkness and couldn't see where I was going or what I was doing. I ended up in an inpatient mental health facility to help me regulate my emotions and give me a little break from life. After I got out, I left the state and went to Florida to stay with my estranged family and found the demons that I tried to run from staring me in the face. While down south, I continued to imbibe bad habits and push down all those bad feelings. I finally hit my bottom and reached out for help in the local sobriety scene. It was incredibly helpful and I was able to finally have the support of those that have been where I was. I learned so many helpful thought processes and ways to better understand my triggers and emotions. I learned how to enjoy life in moderation and not even think about overindulging to stifle emotions because I am finally able to breathe and understand things as they come. I think the most important thing that I did while I was struggling with my situation was to finally allow myself to feel the emotions that I was trying so hard to run from and speak with someone about them. Allowing myself to feel weak and let myself cry and be unbearably sad. Let someone else know how I was feeling and let someone else tell me that they understood. Realizing that my loneliness and suffering was not an island and I wasn't alone in how I was feeling was the most relief I had felt in years. Continuing to keep an open line of communication with myself and with my loved ones about what I was feeling has been instrumental in finally getting myself to a comfortable headspace. I am now in a healthy, stable relationship with a wonderful person who cares very much for me and helps me to be better as I help him to do the same. I am so fortunate to continue living and making myself and those around me happy and better. I will not allow myself to fall as deep as I once had. In memory of those who lost their battles, I am going to live a beautiful life and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I love my town. It has its pitfalls for sure, and a lot of the locals like to present them to me whenever I mention it. I think though, that the only way to make anything around you better is to actively try to make it better. I want to be a part of making this town happier and healthier for the next generation of people who are growing up in it. I have had the unfortunate opportunity to see how mental health and loneliness can take their toll on people regardless of socioeconomic status. I know that it is my responsibility to try and help those around me as much as I can and try to prevent anyone from losing themselves to the pressures of society or to the pressure of their demons. To try and do these things I am pursuing a career in nursing. I want to work as a mental health nurse or an emergency room nurse in a psychiatric emergency room. I am in the process of doing that and am a freshman in nursing school. In addition to that I work at a Level II Trauma Center as a Nursing Assistant. I am working full-time and going to school full-time to try to accomplish some of my goals. I know I will be a great nurse and am excited to be finally taking the next steps of making a difference. In my free time, I volunteer for the Big Brothers Big sisters of America program. Having the opportunity to make a friend and be a mentor for a kid who needs it is such a humbling experience. I am incredibly happy and honored to have been picked for this program and am happy to be taking an active part in our community. If I were to be chosen for this scholarship, I would be able to let work take a back seat while I try and better myself. I want to be able to focus more on my education and helping my Little "sister" by being there for her more often and giving her a healthy outlet. I am usually having to work overtime to try and take care of my educational expenses, all of my bills, my mortgage, and hopefully healthy food. I can't wait until I can comfortably make my life and the lives of those around me and in my community better. In the meantime, I am going to have to continue grinding and hope that someone can see the same future that I do and help me continue to strive to make that happen.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I love my town. It has its pitfalls for sure, and a lot of the locals like to present them to me whenever I mention it. I think though, that the only way to make anything around you better is to actively try to make it better. I want to be a part of making this town happier and healthier for the next generation of people who are growing up in it. I have had the unfortunate opportunity to see how mental health and loneliness can take their toll on people regardless of socioeconomic status. I know that it is my responsibility to try and help those around me as much as I can and try to prevent anyone from losing themselves to the pressures of society or to the pressure of their demons. To try and do these things I am pursuing a career in nursing. I want to work as a mental health nurse or an emergency room nurse in a psychiatric emergency room. I am in the process of doing that and am a freshman in nursing school. In addition to that I work at a Level II Trauma Center as a Nursing Assistant. I am working full-time and going to school full-time to try to accomplish some of my goals. I know I will be a great nurse and am excited to be finally taking the next steps of making a difference. In my free time, I volunteer for the Big Brothers Big sisters of America program. Having the opportunity to make a friend and be a mentor for a kid who needs it is such a humbling experience. I am incredibly happy and honored to have been picked for this program and am happy to be taking an active part in our community. If I were to be chosen for this scholarship, I would be able to let work take a back seat while I try and better myself. I want to be able to focus more on my education and helping my Little "sister" by being there for her more often and giving her a healthy outlet. I am usually having to work overtime to try and take care of my educational expenses, all of my bills, my mortgage, and hopefully healthy food. I can't wait until I can comfortably make my life and the lives of those around me and in my community better. In the meantime, I am going to have to continue grinding and hope that someone can see the same future that I do and help me continue to strive to make that happen.

I'm not sure where you go when you die. It is something I have struggled with for a long time. It scares me. I hadn't had to deal with anyone close to me dying up until depression and addiction claimed the lives of two people I loved dearly. On November 18, 2021, my long-term boyfriend got drunk and shot himself. It was what I thought would be the hardest day of my life. I don't remember much about the first week or so after that happened. The first thing I remember after being told he was dead was being in the mental hospital a couple of weeks after. I had a mental breakdown and my father found me at my friend's house and brought me to the hospital. I was in nursing school at the time and was able to get my studies straight and catch up after that time I was away. I was able to keep my grades up and finish my first semester of nursing school with a 3.3 Grade Point Average. My family was there for me and supported me while we were getting through the first couple of tough months. I moved back in with my parents where my younger siblings lived to be with them for support. On January 18th, 2022, I woke to my sister howling downstairs. I heard her say "We can't tell her." I wiped the sleep from my eyes and went downstairs and asked what was wrong. With tears in his eyes, my father told me that my older brother Danny had gotten high and hung himself early that morning. I fell to the ground. I would not wish that feeling of loss and dread and despair on anyone. I felt lost, a pain that I didn't think possible enveloped me like a blanket. I reached out to my advisor and my professors and asked them for help navigating the situation. After some thought, I decided that it would be best to withdraw from school for some time so that I could grieve and work on my mental health. I used that time to get sober, go to Anonymous meetings, and learn how to deal with my pain and suffering. When I picked up my one-month sober chip, I could have sworn out of the corner of my eye I could see my big brother's purple head of hair. I felt so proud of myself, and I think I felt how proud of me Danny was too. If I did not take that time to do some serious self-reflection, I am convinced I would not be here either. I think the most important thing that you can do when dealing with the loss of a sibling is to reach out for help. Don't try to take on that pain and suffering by yourself. Go to support groups and speak about how you're feeling. If you are in school and are struggling, reach out for assistance. If you need time to deal with and cope with your emotions and how your events in life are affecting you, then take it. The most important thing you can do for yourself in that situation is to take care of your mental health. Having had such a close association with loss, my fears of what comes next took to the wayside. I know that something happens because I can still feel Danny's presence around me and watching over me when I feel alone. I am going back to nursing school this fall and I feel his support and love in everything I do.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.

I have been surrounded by nurses my whole life, my mother, my aunts, my grandmother. I was told from a young age that I was destined to do the same. I fought it for some time in the spirit of true teenage angst, but always found myself gravitating towards hospitals and taking care of people. I have worked in multiple hospitals in Emergency Departments as a nursing assistant and have found myself able to go to work with some sense of accomplishment. I had never been sure of what area of nursing I would like to pursue and have always figured that once I got through clinicals and rotations I would have an idea. It was only until recently that I was confronted by an issue that had always been distant in my personal life, and made me realize there are some specialties that I would like to explore and possibly practice. On November 18th, 2021, my long-term boyfriend that suffered from mental health issues and addiction decided that he would no longer like to be on this Earth. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and something I did not know I would ever be able to recover from. I had a mental breakdown and went to the hospital to get help and deal with the overwhelming emotions that I had no option but to feel. I think that I just needed a break from reality and some time to be in a safe and supervised environment. Upon discharge, I was not doing much better than before but I had picked up some tools to utilize when my emotions started to get out of hand and overwhelming. Then, on January 18th, 2022, my older brother lost his battle with depression and addiction and decided also to take his own life. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through, having to continue with my every day without drowning in my sorrow. It took some time to be able to look back on my relationship with both my boyfriend and my older brother without going into hysterics. Every day I get better at dealing with that pain. I want to help prevent people and families from going through what my family, my boyfriend's family, and countless families in the area have unfortunately been through. I would like to specialize in mental health nursing, substance abuse nursing, or Emergency Nursing. Being able to be on the front lines of the mental health problems plaguing the community right now feels more like destiny than a calling. I want to be able to connect with someone that feels like giving up and help them crawl out of that dark place as I once had done. No better way to pull someone from the trenches than to have been there yourself and know what it takes to do so. Nothing in this world will stop me from continuing my education and becoming the nurse that will stand between someone who has lost hope and the dark veil of the unknown. I am nothing if not excited to take my experience and pain, and turn it around to help those in need. In memory of Michael and Danny, I am going to continue my journey and do what I am destined to do.