I like to think that my soul moved with me when I moved to Madison, AL. Not in a, we moved together as one and remained the same type of way, but as in a, just as I moved and had to undergo changes, my soul did as well. I always liked to tell people that I “found myself,” was finally able to connect with people like me, and could finally live out the “coming of age” television teenage dream I had always longed for. I found myself happier than ever, believing that I completed the stage every adult talks to a child so cautiously about when it comes to finding yourself in high school—liking to think that I spent more time with myself than anyone else on those darkened nights of my sophomore school year and bright mornings of my freshly-out sophomore summer. However, reflecting back as a junior towards the end of my school year, I realized that none of that was true. That everything I liked to think about myself was just that. Something to think about, rather than something I took action upon: while undergoing this reflection, I always returned to the same question, “Well, do you know yourself now?” and if I am being completely honest with the Angel who finds enjoyment in discussing one's inner-self and emotions, I have to admit that no. I don’t. I know what I enjoy, my favorite food and songs, what hurts me, what makes me laugh, and who I want to be. However, I am still trying to figure out what to do with that information and how to utilize it going forward. So I can admit with a sigh of relief that I am not as bad off as I think, and though nothing is finalized, progression has been made.
With making this progression, I wonder to myself if I will ever achieve my end goal. Does anyone actually honestly know who they are? Life changes every day and many decisions one makes in their lifetime don't always align with what they want, correlating to who they are within. I always feel as if saying you know who you are is just a statement that makes one feel good about themselves and makes them believe that they are true to who they are. However, those same people change in day-to-day situations. Those same people code-switch, take on different roles with different people they are around, and still fall aligned with the psychological findings that question the actions of an individual when in a group or new setting.
So when I found myself changing my personality or the way I talked while within one friend group, I realized that I too had become just like the rest of the world. And I came to the conclusion that it was okay. I knew where I wanted to go in life and what I enjoyed at the moment, accepting the idea that; While some features of you change, some always remain the same. So the parts of Angel that obtained consistency through everything and interactions with anyone were me, and the parts that evolved and changed were me. Though I may have felt lost at times, looking back upon life during this time, the one thing I do know to be true is that I learned more about myself in Madison than I did anywhere else, and I wouldn’t change that move if I had the chance. This granted me the most impactful positive experience in my life.