When a writer creates a story they become a god to their own fictional world. A writer cannot predict how their creation will impact different readers. Sure there will be those that love it or hate it, but there will also be people that are able to momentarily escape whatever they are going through to explore this new world. For me, that is what it means to be a writer. That is why I want to study and hone my skills as a writer so that I can give someone a world that they can get lost in. Obviously, people have grandiose ideas of having a best-selling novel or poetry collection, and that is great! In fact, I am sure that most writers want that! But even if my writing can make a difference in just one person's life then I consider that a success. Having had a difficult home life as a child myself, I can attest to the power that a writer's creation can have. I spent years listening to people tell me that I could not make it as a writer, but last year I came to the realization that you do not have to "make it" in order to be a creator. So, I left behind the sciences that I never really enjoyed, and switched my major to English with a concentration in creative writing. This program has given me more confidence not only in myself but in the worlds that I can create. Through this program, I am wanting to hone my authorial voice and learn how to create an impactful story. This program is also showing me how to be less negatively critical of my work and how to look for ways to expand and focus my ideas. It would be a goal of mine to write a best-selling novel one day, but what I really hope to do with my writing is to contribute my voice and experience to other writers of the LGBTQ+ community. If there is someone struggling to come to terms with who they are or with accepting themselves, like myself and many others in the community have, then I want my writing to be a torch to help guide them through that journey. It would mean so much more to me knowing that my world or that my characters were able to make an impact on just one person's life, and that is truly what I hope to accomplish.

My mental health journey has been long, and almost like a roller coaster. Whenever I first left home for college it was to attend a military academy, and I loved it. I loved everything about military life, but the struggle came with the added stress of juggling way too much academically and emotionally. My breaking point happened in the second semester of freshman year. That was when I was sexually assaulted by one of my superiors. I do not have the words to express how horrifying it is to have someone hold a knife to your throat while they violate you in the worst way possible. After it happened I blamed myself. I had been in martial arts my entire life, so I should have been able to stop it, right? Wrong. My body froze, and I was terrified for my life. For months after it happened, I completely disconnected myself from the rest of my peers. I stopped going to team building and social events. I not only allowed my attacker to remain free by not speaking up, but I also allowed him to take control of every aspect of my life. The fear that I might see him in the hallways, and indeed I did, had me paralyzed by anxiety. After about eight months of what basically became self-hate, I was finally diagnosed with severe depression. I tried to stay at the academy even after the diagnosis, but my grades were falling and I was under too much stress. The stress had me in and out of the medical clinic because the sleep deprivation and anxiety had essentially ruined my immune system. It was not until over a year after the incident that I made the decision to take back my life. In the second semester of my sophomore year, I made the decision to accept a medical discharge from the military and return home. I was finally able to begin that long process of healing that I needed. It was after a few months that I finally began to love myself again, and start taking an active role in my life. To this day I still struggle with seasonal depression and severe anxiety, but I have learned how to cope with it and how to live with it. While no one should have to experience what I went through, I can honestly say that I am stronger now than I was before. When I say stronger I am not talking about physical strength. No, I am talking about emotional strength. My experience with my own mental health concerns has taught me to be more compassionate for what other people are going through, and that is a very important skill to have in a future career. Now that I'm at a point that I can talk about what happened, and share my story with people that need to hear it, I hope to help people realize that they are the most important person in their lives. That seems pretty intuitive, right? But you do not understand just how important your own thoughts and feeling are until they turn on you. Everyone has their own story and their own traumas that they have had to endure. My goal is to not only be a voice for the people that need it, but to also be the ears that they need to help them heal.

In 2015, after graduating from high school, I went for my first attempt at college at one of the military academies. I admit I did struggle at the time, but it was not supposed to be easy. I made sure to give as much effort as I could in every training event, every class, and every physical activity we had to complete. However, that mindset changed in February of 2016 when I was sexually assaulted by a superior. From that point on my grades dropped dramatically, and I removed myself from any activity with my peers. I had given up because I blamed myself for what happened. This continued for a year before I was finally diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety. From there I made the choice to leave the academy and take a medical separation from the military to allow myself to heal. When I moved back home there was a time when I was juggling two to three jobs just to distract myself from facing reality. It took another year before I looked at myself in the mirror and said that I would go back to school. I needed to finish what I had started. I needed to finish what my attacker had taken from me. It wasn't about just getting my degree. For me, it's about furthering my education and making myself heard. It's about developing myself into the person that I want to, despite the trauma from my past. Not only that, it is about being a voice and a light for others that have had similar trauma in their lives. As an English major, I want my writing to reach the people that need to hear it. Writing is my art, and it is how I have always been able to express myself. The mark of a good writer is how they are able to imprint on their audience. It's how they make their readers feel, and if I can only reach one person then my job is still complete. This scholarship will help me reach my career aspirations because it will afford me the chance to keep moving forward with my education. Since leaving the military I have had to work a full-time job in order to support myself. During this pandemic, I have not been able to work enough hours in order to make up for losing my full-time job. Instead, I rely on the income from my part-time job to pay for everything, but if I am going to be able to continue to pay for college I have to look at every opportunity that I can find.