Domestic violence isn’t just something I’ve heard about or seen on the news—it’s something that shaped my life from a young age. My stepfather came into my life when I was just three years old. At the time, he was the only father figure I really knew outside of my uncles. In many ways, I grew up thinking of him as my dad. He was there for birthdays, school events, and holidays. But behind closed doors, the relationship he had with my mother was deeply harmful. Their relationship was filled with emotional abuse, manipulation, and controlling behavior that slowly chipped away at my mom’s spirit. As I got older, I began to notice more. The arguing. The tension. The way my mom had to walk on eggshells just to keep the peace. And even when there wasn’t yelling, the silence was heavy enough to feel like another kind of violence.
Their relationship didn’t end until I was in middle school, which meant for most of my childhood, I lived in a household where love was complicated by fear, and security came with conditions. I remember feeling confused—how could someone who helped raise me also be the cause of so much pain in our home? Watching my mother struggle to hold everything together while silently enduring so much opened my eyes to the realities many African American women face. Culturally, we’re often taught to stay silent, to “stay strong,” and to keep family matters inside the home. But silence doesn’t protect us—it isolates us.
My mother is one of the strongest women I know, but strength shouldn’t have to come from surviving pain. Her experience—and mine—pushed me to want more for myself, and for other women and families who go through similar things. That’s why I’ve chosen to pursue higher education in criminology, with plans to minor in psychology. I want to become a homicide detective and one day work with the FBI. But more importantly, I want to use my career to be a voice for people who are often ignored—especially Black women, who are underrepresented, under-protected, and underserved in both law enforcement and mental health care systems.
With the education I’m working toward, I want to help build stronger systems of care—ones that communicate better, respond faster, and treat survivors with compassion. I want to create pathways that connect law enforcement with trauma-informed support services and mental health professionals, so that victims aren’t just seen as case files, but as human beings. I also believe in community outreach—educating young girls about healthy relationships, consent, and emotional safety early on, before they get trapped in cycles of violence.
If someone had stepped in earlier—if there had been better coordination, better understanding, better support—maybe things could’ve been different for my mom. Maybe we both could’ve healed sooner. That thought stays with me and motivates me every day. I’m choosing to use my pain as a purpose. I want to make sure that no other little girl has to grow up watching the person who loves her most be hurt behind closed doors.
By improving how we care, communicate, and coordinate with those impacted by domestic violence and substance abuse, I believe we can change the outcomes—one woman, one family, one community at a time.