I should be awarded this scholarship, because I recognize that my success is not dependent on it. Too often we as individuals create unnecessary roadblocks for ourselves. We decide what we are incapable of, and thereby speak it into existence. I am capable of success. I acknowledge this, and therefore I am more likely to succeed. My ex-husband became addicted to heroin when I was 8-months pregnant. I made it through nursing school as a single parent of a highly autistic toddler. I went on to complete my BSN in 9.5 month – completing 39 credit hours. I will continue to pursue my MSN in order to grow my career. I’ve learned to juggle working overtime, school, and parenting. As the sole provider for my child, failure is not an option. I acknowledge this; therefore, I am more likely to succeed. Life is full of challenges that will break you if you let them. I refuse to break, and therefore I grow. I’m an exceptional student, a passionate nurse, and a loving mother. I will succeed regardless of the outcomes of this application. I am confident of my own success. I deserve this scholarship because I will succeed with or without it.

Mental illness is ugly, and I’ve been surrounded by it for as long as I can remember. When my parents got divorced, I was six and they were a wreck. I reassured my suicidal father that my brother and I still loved him – even though we hated his new girlfriend and her children who treated us like less than. I convinced my mother we shouldn’t go stalk her new boyfriend that she thought was cheating on her. I dissolved the fights as my bipolar grandmother threw dishes at my brother for saying something smart. I grew up in chaos, always trying to reign it in and control it, as I believe I was the only one around capable of doing so. With a mother and a father struggling with major depression and anxiety, a bipolar grandma who always lived with us but never took her meds, and a brother with Asperger’s syndrome, I led. Did anyone ask me to? No. Was I ever thanked? No. When you’re the only person in your immediate family without a mental health diagnosis, you lead. I saved up the money my distant relatives sent for Christmas and birthdays every year because inevitably my mom would eventually need it for the lights or rent. When my mom’s second husband molested my stepsister, I helped her call her grandparents and explain to them why their son was arrested. I held her hand in court and testified to the sexual misconduct I also experienced. I then forgave her a decade leader when she slept with my husband. I understood her desire to compete with me where men were concerned, even if she didn’t. I always took it upon myself to swallow down whatever I was feeling, to support those around me. I dropped out of college halfway through my first semester. I was 16 and had just aced my midterms. I woke up to ask my mom for a ride and instead found her sobbing, suicidal, and insistent that she just couldn’t do any of it anymore. She wanted to move to Ohio to be with her dad, and she wanted my brother and me to move to Alabama to be with ours. She no longer wanted the responsibilities of being a mom. I hadn’t seen my dad in years, but I called him to explain that I needed him to come to pick us up because my mom couldn’t make the phone call. I went to school, dropped all my classes, and accepted that I’d be on academic probation when I returned. I then held my mother as she sobbed, unable to deal with her despair as I swallowed mine. Over the next five years, I made a lot of questionable decisions. I started and stopped degrees. I dated men who were terrible for me, and I engaged in risky behavior. Ultimately, I ended up marrying a man who turned out to be a drug addict. He’d hidden it from me, and I caught none of the signs. I tried to help him get clean, and meanwhile, I took his abuse. I made excuses for his actions, as I had made excuses for my family for years. It took him going back to jail for me to decide to end it. I ended up the single mother of a nonverbal autistic son. I ended up depressed, hopeless, and despairing. I ended up like all those people who I had believed I was so much stronger than before. I’d always strived to do everything to support those around me, but I’d failed to acknowledge my own needs. I’d always considered myself more capable of handling “it”, more capable of swallowing my feelings and just dealing. I wore my ability to deal like a badge of honor, even as I drained myself dry. A mental health crisis is not a sign of weakness. It may very well be a sign of having been too strong for too long. I am acutely aware of this, as I have experienced it firsthand. You are not stronger for accepting the abuse of those who are supposed to love you, it takes an incredible amount of strength to walk away.

During my first semester of nursing school, I discovered that my husband was a heroin addict. For the next six months, I supported him as he was in and out of treatment facilities. That first semester was hard. Nursing school is challenging, and I did not have the time to study that I wish I had, but I pushed through. Halfway through my second semester of nursing school, I hit my limit. My husband was rearrested for his drug abuse and related criminal activity, and I left him. It’s been five years, and he has not seen our son since. To make matters more complicated, my son had a variety of medical issues. He was unable to sit up unassisted before 15-months old and did not walk until the age of two. My life consisted of school, medical appointments, caring for my son, and whatever late-night study sessions I could cram in. With a variety of sitters, student loans to help pay bills, family support, and brief cram sessions, I made it through my associates’ program and became an RN. In my first year as a nurse, I focused on just getting used to the routines of my career. Then I decided to enroll in a BSN program at chamberlain university. I lasted two terms and decided I just couldn’t do it. I was working 12-hour shifts, picking up my son, trying to get him situated and in bed, and then trying to do homework, only to turn around and do the same thing the next day. I was exhausted, I was becoming depressed, and it just wasn’t working. I dropped out of the program, took a few months off, and then enrolled at Western Governors University. With their work at your own pace, no deadline format I was able to complete 39 credit hours in 9.5months to complete my BSN. The reason I didn’t succeed at Chamberlain wasn’t my inability to do the coursework, it was my inability to balance the deadlines with the demands of a full-time job and solo parenting. Flexibility was the key to my success. My son is profoundly autistic and largely nonverbal. I hope with continued therapy we may one day get to the point that he has some understanding of everything I’ve tried to do for him. I know there are nights that he wishes I’d been more engaged or had more patience. I’m not a perfect parent, and will not claim to be, but I’ve always done my best. My goal is to step into a managerial role. Three years into my career I am working as a clinical coordinator, with management being the next step up. My son starts school later this year and working a more typical schedule will allow me to better support him as he navigates those changes and challenges. Being enrolled in an MSN program, along with my engagement in a variety of unit committees, increases my chances of being selected for promotion. Up to this point, my entire career has been in the setting of inpatient rehabilitation. I’ve obtained certification in brain injuries, and I hope to continue my career with this focus. As a manager of an inpatient rehabilitation unit, I hope to use my influence to ensure that patients facing the most challenging moments of their lives are afforded the opportunity to regain as much function as possible. Watching my son go through speech, occupational, and physical therapies has highlighted the importance of these services for individuals, and I’d like to spend my nursing career contributing to the amazing work that these therapists do.

The Challenge of a Student The most difficult challenge to overcome as a student is the challenge of continuing to manage every other aspect of everyday life. Life does not stop when you enroll in college. College can consume an incredible amount of time and completely rearrange your priorities, but life still happens. The summer before I was set to start a bachelor’s degree in Microbiology, I found out I was pregnant. I decided that an associate degree in nursing would allow me to provide for my family faster, and switched majors. Three weeks before my first semester of nursing school, my husband told me that he was diagnosed with Protein Amyloidosis, and only had two years to live. I started nursing school with a 6-month-old son and the belief that my husband would be dead within months of my graduation. I spent the first half of that semester burning candles at every end. I’d get up for school at 8 am, come home in the afternoon, nurse my son, go to work as a waitress for the evening, come home and nurse my son, crash for a few hours, and then turn around and do it all again. Nursing school is challenging, but my studying was limited to brief cram sessions. Nursing school was the main priority of most of my classmates, but life was happening, and I was just trying to stay afloat. Halfway through my first semester of nursing school, I discovered that my husband was a heroin addict. He’d gotten his “diagnosis” from an episode of house, and simply gone online to fake the paperwork. The disease and the side effects of the medication were his covers for withdrawals. They were also an excuse for missing money and a reason to borrow money from family and friends. At his peak, he was spending several hundred dollars a day on heroin. For the next six months, I supported him as he was in and out of treatment facilities. I was still in school, working part-time as a waitress, and doing my best to raise our son. That first semester was hard. Halfway through my second semester of nursing school, life kept happening. I was in a simulation lab, our first one. I received a text message from my husband as we were beginning to debrief. He apologized for everything and said goodbye. My husband was being arrested for his drug abuse and related criminal activity. Despite everything I had tried to do to support him, he’d relapsed. I began to cry as I sat there in our simulation debrief. My instructor assumed it was due to the stress of the simulation, the “death” of our simulated patient. After all, our education is the only thing we have going on in life, right? It’s now been four years since my son has seen his father. To make matters more complicated, my son has a variety of medical issues. He is globally developmentally delayed and diagnosed with failure to thrive. He was unable to sit up unassisted before 15-months old and did not walk until the age of two. My life consisted of school, medical appointments, caring for my son, and whatever late-night study sessions I could cram in. With a variety of sitters, student loans to help pay bills, family support, and brief cram sessions, I made it through my associates’ program and became an RN. Life happens, but we can still push through. In my first year as a nurse, I focused on just getting used to the routines of my career. Then I decided to enroll in a BSN program at chamberlain university. I lasted two terms and decided I just couldn’t do it. The program consisted of weekly discussion boards where you studied the material over the weekend, posted on Monday or Tuesday, and then had to respond to the other people’s posts by Thursday, with other additional papers and projects usually due on Friday. I was working 12-hour shifts, picking up my son, trying to get him situated and in bed, and then trying to do homework, only to turn around and do the same thing the next day. I was exhausted, I was becoming depressed, and it just wasn’t working. I dropped out of the program, took a few months off, and then enrolled at Western Governors University. With their work at your own pace, no deadline format I was able to complete 39 credit hours in 9.5months to complete my BSN. The reason I didn’t succeed at Chamberlain wasn’t my inability to do the coursework, it was my inability to balance the deadlines with the demands of a full-time job and solo parenting. Flexibility was the key to my success. My son is profoundly autistic and largely nonverbal. I hope with continued therapy we may one day get to the point that he has some understanding of everything I’ve tried to do for him. I know there are nights that he wishes I’d been more engaged or had more patience. I’m not a perfect parent, and will not claim to be, but I’ve always done my best for us. I am still struggling to balance the ever-changing requirements of life, motherhood, career, and student. Despite these challenges, I still feel that my education will provide the best life for us. I’m now enrolled in an MSN program with a focus on Leadership and management. My goal is to step into a managerial role. My son starts school later this year and working a more typical schedule will allow me to better support him as he navigates those changes and challenges. Being enrolled in an MSN program, along with my engagement in a variety of unit committees, increases my chances of being selected for promotion. I truly believe this will allow me to provide the best life for my son. Despite the challenges of being a student, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

During my first semester of nursing school, I discovered that my husband was a heroin addict. For the next six months, I supported him as he was in and out of treatment facilities. I was still in school, working part-time as a waitress, and doing my best to raise our son. That first semester was hard. Nursing school is challenging, and I did not have the time to study that I wish I had, but I pushed through. Halfway through my second semester of nursing school, I hit my limit. My husband was rearrested for his drug abuse and related criminal activity, and I left him. It’s been five years, and he has not seen his son since. To make matters more complicated, my son had a variety of medical issues. He was globally developmentally delayed and failure to thrive. He was unable to sit up unassisted before 15-months old and did not walk until the age of two. My life consisted of school, medical appointments, caring for my son, and whatever late-night study sessions I could cram in. If it was not for my amazingly considerate nursing instructors, I would have failed the second semester of nursing school on attendance alone. With a variety of sitters, student loans to help pay bills, family support, and brief cram sessions, I made it through my associates’ program and became an RN. In my first year as a nurse, I focused on just getting used to the routines of my career. Then I decided to enroll in a BSN program at chamberlain university. I lasted two terms and decided I just couldn’t do it. The program consisted of weekly discussion boards where you studied the material over the weekend, posted on Monday or Tuesday, and then had to respond to the other people’s posts by Thursday, with other additional papers and projects usually due on Friday. I was working 12-hour shifts, picking up my son, trying to get him situated and in bed, and then trying to do homework, only to turn around and do the same thing the next day. I was exhausted, I was becoming depressed, and it just wasn’t working. I dropped out of the program, took a few months off, and then enrolled at Western Governors University. With their work at your own pace, no deadline format I was able to complete 39 credit hours in 9.5months to complete my BSN. The reason I didn’t succeed at Chamberlain wasn’t my inability to do the coursework, it was my inability to balance the deadlines with the demands of a full-time job and solo parenting. Flexibility was the key to my success. My son is profoundly autistic and largely nonverbal. I hope with continued therapy we may one day get to the point that he has some understanding of everything I’ve tried to do for him. I know there are nights that he wishes I’d been more engaged or had more patience. I’m not a perfect parent, and will not claim to be, but I’ve always done my best for us. Even now he is snuggled up against me snoozing as I write this. My goal is to step into a managerial role. Three years into my career I am working as a clinical coordinator, with management being the next step up. My son starts school later this year and working a more typical schedule will allow me to better support him as he navigates those changes and challenges. Being enrolled in an MSN program, along with my engagement in a variety of unit committees, increases my chances of being selected for promotion. I took out a lot of loans during my associates’ program to stay afloat so I could stay in school. Being able to reduce the number of loans I need to complete my MSN coursework will directly impact my ability to support my family as I continue to pay off my existing loans. Scholarships could be the difference between needing to work overtime to make ends meet, and not. The goal is always to provide the best life and the most support possible to my son. This could help towards achieving that.