Much of my art is fueled not by fear of death but by the fear that I am not going to leave anything meaningful behind. I confront this fear by turning to nostalgic memories that allow me to reflect on the fragility of mortality, this is the core of my art process. “Do All Fairies Have Wings?” is a piece I made through the depths of grief after losing my friend, Lily, to suicide. I needed to explore the emotions of the anxiety that came after her death as I desperately craved a moment of peace. The day before Lily passed, I was tasked with a project by my teacher; she wanted me to create something that would outlive me. She presented me with the question “What will you leave behind after you die?” Never before had I questioned my own mortality, it was difficult for me to understand what she meant. I didn’t realize how much this question would carry weight over me the next few weeks. February 7th marks the day that my immortality shattered before me, receiving the news about Lily not only caused me to feel disconnected but a persistent sense of impending doom. It was as if I was engulfed in an existential crisis. I couldn’t fathom going to school every day knowing that she would not do the same. The toll my emotions took on me interrupted my everyday routines, I could only manage to go to school once a week—even on the days I could manage to get out of bed I was moping around between sobs. I took the time we had together for granted, and, in my grief, found myself for weeks on end over-analyzing and replaying every moment I ever had with her. I needed an outlet, an escape from my feelings that felt neverending. I reflected on the question my teacher presented me, if today was my last day what would be left behind of me? What was left behind of Lily? Many of my memories with Lily involved us hanging out at a creek, where we would find toads and climb in and out of runoff drains. Pieces of these memories make up the base of this lamp, which I dedicated to her and in her memory. The wingless fairy is an ode to Lily, with her beautiful red hair and longing stare. I used the creation of the lamp as a way to release the sad emotions I felt. I was finally able to reflect and reminisce in a way of processing these moments I had with my friend. Between my teacher's question and my grief, I was able to relive happy memories to chase away my grief. Not that the grief went away, but I was now able to face a lot of my feelings with better clarity and with the warmth of happy memories. This piece has also allowed me to share with people who have faced similar loss, and I've been able to connect with them on a level that I wouldn't have been able to before.

My most prized possession is this piece I created called “Do All Fairies Have Wings?” It is a lamp with a flat felted base made out of red earthenware, with little clay swirls that represent water; the lampshade itself is an abstract waterspout that cascades around the base. That lamp focuses on a little moss frog that sits on a lilypad, and atop its back rides a little wingless fairy. That fairy has long, vibrant red hair and a musical instrument beside her, resembling my friend, Lily. I lost my friend Lily Ellenberger to her long struggle with depression. Without warning, my whole life was dumped on top of my head. I struggled with thousands of different emotions, which I had no idea how to process. I spent days on end feeling disconnected from my life, her death was the one thing that shattered my sense of immortality. I never realized how fragile our time was and that took a toll on me. I am drawn to a medium such as clay for its calming aspects, it is the one time where I am alone with my thoughts and I can process my feelings through my art. Someone once said to me "Grief is a complicated feeling, there is no easy way to slip that into conversation." and I realized that my art is my way of putting that into conversation.

My most prized possession is this piece I created called “Do All Fairies Have Wings?” it is a lamp with a flat felted base made out of red earthenware, with little clay swirls that represent water; the lampshade itself is an abstract waterspout that cascades around the base. That lamp focuses on a little moss frog that sits on a lilypad, and atop its back rides a little wingless fairy. That fairy has long, vibrant red hair and a musical instrument beside her, resembling my friend, Lily. February 6th, 2023, I lost my friend Lily Ellenberger to her long struggle with depression. Without warning, my whole life was dumped on top of my head. I struggled with thousands of different emotions, which I had no idea how to process. I spent days on end feeling disconnected from my life; I couldn't fathom going to school every day, knowing she couldn't do the same. I couldn't bear the thought that we wouldn't be graduating together. Her death was the one thing that shattered my sense of immortality. I never realized how fragile our time was and that physically took a toll on me, I quit my everyday routines and replaced it with a fight to get out of bed. I am drawn to a medium such as clay for its longevity, when I pour my feelings and thoughts into my work it will forever hold those memories. When I look at my art, I know exactly the emotions I was feeling creating those pieces, and what makes me continue to create art is that I use my art to process my feelings and to connect with others. After talking and making art that related to my grief, I was able to connect with other people. Someone once said to me "Grief is a complicated feeling, there is no easy way to slip that into conversation." and I realized that my art is my way of putting that into conversation. "Do All Fairies Have Wings?" has been put into many art shows. Currently, it is held in UNL's Upcycling exhibition and won an award in the most recent scholastics. My favorite art show it was displayed at was my latest senior show at A&H. I participate in a small focus program called the Arts and Humanities program, a part of Lincoln Public School. It was the first focus program LPS produced; however, it is the most underfunded program in our district. I have been here throughout my high school career, and it has helped contribute to who I am today. I wouldn't have ever taken my art seriously and tried pursuing a career in art without the teachers who surrounded me.

February 6th, 2023, I lost my friend Lily Ellenberger to her long struggle with depression. Without warning my whole life was dumped on top of my head. I struggled with thousands of different emotions which I had no idea how to process. I spent days on end feeling disconnected from my life, I couldn't fathom going to school every day knowing that she wasn't able to do the same. I couldn't bear the thought that we wouldn't be graduating together. Her death was the one thing that shattered my sense of immortality. I never realized how fragile our time was and that physically took a toll on me, I quit my everyday routines and replaced it with a fight to get out of bed. While I couldn't rely on the people in my life who told me "suicide is the coward's way out" and other uncaring words. I took my grief to my art and my process. I was encapsulated by her that semester, almost all my art pieces related to her in some way shape, or form. My most prized piece "Do all Fairies Have Wings?" is a piece I created in her image. It is a lamp with a flat felted base made out of red earthenware, with little clay swirls that represent water, the lampshade itself is an abstract waterspout that cascades around the base. That lamp's focus is on a little moss frog that sits on a lilypad, and on its back rides a little wingless fairy. That fairy has long vibrant red hair with a musical instrument beside her which closely resembles my friend. My intention is that viewers feel calm when looking at this piece; the same way I did when spending time with Lily, a feeling I longed for after her passing. I am drawn to a medium such as clay for its longevity, when I pour my feelings and thoughts into my work it will forever hold those memories. When I look at my art I know exactly the emotions I was feeling creating those pieces and what makes me continue to create art is that I use my art to process my feelings and to connect with others. After talking and making art that related to my grief I was able to connect with other people. Someone once said to me "Grief is a complicated feeling, there is no easy way to slip that into conversation." and I realized that my art is my way of putting it into conversation. While a year has gone by since her passing I am still fueled by her and continue to create art inspired by my grief and loss. I will never understand all the emotions I felt, but I can continue to process that through my art.

Nintendo Land, it was the one of few times me and my brother could sit down and get along while playing on our Wii U, while we often had our father and neighbors come over and play our Wii U, Nintendo Land was OUR game. My brother, Hayden is the complete opposite of me, he grew up playing sports and roughhousing while I grew up playing violin and doing art. One thing we shared in common was our love for video games. My mom and dad both met over an unreal tournament and got married 2 years later. I had a Steam account by the age of 5, and all of our family would play games like Team Fortress and Left for Dead 2. However, even with an age gap of only two years me and brother never seemed to get along. We would physically fight over the TV, remotes, and who could have which character. When it came to Nintendo Land we never fought over who was who. The game we specifically played the most was Pikmin Adventure. Without fail, I was always Captain Olimar while my brother played a large Pikmin. We spent hours and hours going through the levels and walking around the amusement park-themed game. Even though the Wii U wasn't Nintendo's most reputable system, we still went back to play even after the Switch came out. Today me and my brother have grown apart sustainably and rarely play video games together anymore, sitting on the basement floor playing Animal Crossing Sweet Day or Luigi Ghost Mansion is one of my favorite things to rehash with my brother.