Mental health has been a part of my life for a while now, starting at the beginning of my teenage years. My oldest sister has severe anxiety to the point where she starts to shake, and her thoughts become chaotic. My middle sister has depression and anxiety, and it is often hard to get her out of bed due to her own looming thoughts. A single mother trying her best to support three girls with the constant thought of, "If I fail, it is all over."
Mental health has shaped my beliefs from thinking someone can just push through, to really understanding that it is not just them being lazy, but a mental disease that needs care and constant support. I would get angry at my sister, in fact, infuriated that she never wanted to go places, and could not even find the will to clean her room, or herself. Understanding that depression can inhibit people at a mental level took me a while to cope with. I did not realize that with depression sometimes getting up is your biggest accomplishment, and to do things like take a shower, or clean your room should be rewarded because that is a major step for that individual to take. It was very difficult for me to understand this and I blame that on my immaturity. Knowing my sisters have this mental illness bugs me to my core. They don't deserve the sleepless nights, the dreading thoughts, the shakes in public, the mental panic anytime they are in public. This is why I have decided to change my career aspirations.
I at first wanted to be a Dermatologist or study to be an M.D of some kind. Along the way, I noticed that I am often the person my friends and family go-to for help. They look for comfort in me and find themselves at peace as I give my advice. I noticed that as I do this I myself get a sense of happiness knowing that I can ease their mind for a little while. Watching my family suffer, and dealing with my own mental illnesses has pushed me into wanting to be a Psychologist. It would mean the world to me to be able to help those who need it and to watch them get better. Being able to help my family instead of just standing there begging myself to find something that will work. I hate watching as their mind takes over, letting them spiral into a ditch they can not get out of. Trying so hard to make jokes, or find things that make them joyous, but failing nonetheless. If I can be that bit of happiness for someone, no matter the day, there is nothing I'd rather be doing more. To be able to answer the statement I am depressed and be able to respond with tips and tricks I have learned. To watch as they slowly get better and become the better version of themselves they mentioned only dreaming of being.
Being an expert who understands and I mean fully gets the concept of mental health no matter what it may be, will not only help others, but the relationship I have with them too. This means I can bond with those who feel unheard, or feel misunderstood. Those with OCD, or those who have Bipolar Disorder. I lost a best friend of mine in my freshman year of high school. She had changed, the depression had run its course and won. She was not cheerful anymore, not the same person I had remembered. I tried desperately to figure out a way to help her, to ease the suffocating illness but I could not. Our friendship in the end did not work out. I can recall being devastated, crying until my eyes burned because I had just lost a friend from birth, and it was not her fault! She was trapped in a never-ending mind game trying to find her way out with the prize of happiness waiting at the end of the tunnel. She continued but only fell deeper into the darkness that consumed her. I watched as she unraveled and became someone who was almost unrecognizable. An action I had blamed myself for, for so long telling myself if I had just found a "cure" we would still be like sisters. No one deserves to lose a friend because of a mental illness, and those affected do not deserve to be alone.
Being a Psychologist would allow me to mend those relationships I have lost through actually being able to find a cure, a way to help them. When they needed me most I could not save them, because I am not a doctor, nor am I a therapist, but if being a Psychologist prevents the ending of friendships, prevents suicides, and prevents the consumption of one's mind, then I will gladly change my career aspirations. I will gladly learn more so that I can be everything I wanted to be in the moments I could not.