Lauren loved watching football, mostly because she thought it was funny when the players fell over. She filled the house with laughter and it was hard to get a picture of her without a big smile on her face. She loved milkshakes, and each year our family still gets milkshakes from her favorite place on her birthday. She was about five years older than me, and was the oldest child of the four of us. She was nine when she passed away, and I was only four. My brother then became the oldest child, and I became the oldest sister. The typical older sister tasks were then passed down to me. This included things like teaching our younger sister how to braid her hair, how to play dolls the correct way (because when you are 10 years old, somehow there is a correct way), and of course, getting upset when she stole my clothes. I remember the day when the weight of this responsibility really registered to me: when I grew out of the last hand-me-down I had gotten from Lauren. Though I was only 9, I was devastated. I used to go into her old room at least once a month, and try on everything I could find in her closet. I begged my mom to let me wear her clothes, even when the sleeves were twice the length of my arms or the hems of her dresses dragged on the ground as I walked. When I inevitably grew out of each piece, I would refuse to let my mom take them from my drawers, even when the pant legs hardly reached my ankles. The day I grew out of her pink and blue striped jacket, the very last hand-me-down that fit me, I felt like my older sister was really gone. Oftentimes when growing up, and honestly, even now, I wondered what Lauren would think about how I am doing. Do I make her proud? Is she watching over me? Would she have done something different? Sometimes, it feels overwhelming, trying to make her proud. However, as I’ve gotten older, I realized how much that thought has had a positive impact on my life . It has always encouraged me to be the best version of myself I can. It’s motivated me to be kinder, to work harder, and to love deeper. Her impact on my life cannot be overstated. My most prized possession is a necklace I wear every day that has a pendant with her thumbprint on it. It’s my way of carrying her with me in every moment (even now that I have grown out of her hand-me-downs) because even though I no longer fit in her clothes, I could never outgrow needing my older sister with me.