@amberlinIVXX

Addiction is not isolated in the dark, deep corners of rough parts of communities. The qualifiers for substance use disorder extend beyond the social norms of what a “junkie,” looks like. Addiction doesn’t discriminate based on race, gender, upbringing, socioeconomic status, character or religion. This issue extends to our oldest and dearest friends, our brothers, sisters, teachers, and children. The epidemic levels of the opiate crisis have created an impermeable issue that extends beyond what behavioral health capacities can currently offer, making help not only important but urgent. As a result, the question becomes HOW can we help those suffering from addiction and mental health issues both in the short-term and the long-term? It is no secret that the stigma associated with substance abuse places a heavy burden on addicts and the people who love them. However, a less known and talked about issue is the stigma involved with obtaining help for addiction-related issues and universally agreed upon treatment methods. While some professionals advocate for medication-assisted options to transition patients into recovery, others deem it harmful or even a form of failure. Additionally, traditional 12-step models simply don’t work for everyone. Current modalities of care are applied as a "one size fits all" method that doesn't fit every individual situation. Interventions should be applied based on the complexity and severity of substance abuse, assessment of mental health co-morbidities, trauma, and socioeconomic status. As a result, further research & expanded education is necessary. After suffering from severe panic attacks, anxiety and depression, I turned to drugs to manage my symptoms. I dropped out of high school my junior year with only a GED. This deeply impacted my self esteem and confidence in my ability to rise above my struggles. As a proud graduate of the Hazelden Betty Ford residential treatment program with 4.5 years of sobriety, I’d love to say that I was special. I would love to tell you that the inner strength I possessed was somehow different than anyone else who has struggled with substance abuse. However, the only thing that separates me from those who have come before is the dedicated team of physicians, counselors, peers, and loved ones who provided me with help when I asked for it and forgave me at times when I couldn’t forgive myself. I owe my successes to the people who loved me during times I struggled to love myself. However, not all people have access to quality care which interferes with their ability to survive this pervasive illness. I recognize this privilege, and it is for these reasons I was granted a second chance. After never graduating high school, I returned to school at age 26 and found a newfound sense of confidence. As I move toward the completion of my bachelor’s degree in psychology, I have discovered I want to pursue a career that allows me to assist those who have walked a similar path. Specifically, it is my professional goal to specialize in assessment and dual diagnosis which is a pivotal component of lasting sobriety. Because so many addicts have undiagnosed mental health conditions such as complex PTSD, Bipolar, and depression/anxiety, it is challenging to tackle substance abuse without alleviating the symptoms they were attempting to mask. In conclusion, being considered for this memorial scholarship is an honor. It is my responsibility to take advantage of the healing that many before me were not afforded. It is my hope I can make even a small contribution in the lives of those who are currently suffering or have suffered in the past from addiction.

Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl is a book I recommend to nearly everyone I meet. Frankl shares his powerful experience detailing his four years in captivity in concentration camps during the Holocaust era. A psychiatrist who dedicated his life to research and treatment of patients, he had drafted a manuscript he was hoping to publish before being detained by nazis. During his time in Auschwitz and Dechau, his manuscript was destroyed. However, he remained confident that his purpose on earth was to survive and overcome the terrors he experienced and live to share his research with the world. Frankl witnessed horrific treatment of the prisoners including brutal beatings, starvation, murder and psychological torture. After being separated from his family and later discovering his wife had been murdered, he was presented with a pivotal dilemma - to carry on or give up. This powerful account offers a first person narrative lending insight to one of the most gruesome historical events of our time. Yet, the perspective is anything but what you’d expect. Frankl shares how he used humor, gratitude, and kindness to help himself and those around him. When faced with the darkest hour a human can endure, he illuminates the quiet strength that we are all capable of. He finds his purpose in his research, rewriting his manuscript and continuing to help patients even when he himself has nothing. Man’s search for meaning illuminates an invaluable lesson for us all to continue fighting against any struggle we face to find our resilience, passion, and joy for the human experience even when it comes with uncertainty, hardship and pain. This book was given to me in a particularly challenging time in my life, and it helped me cultivate gratitude and courage to persevere when it felt like giving up is the only option. It is an illuminating reminder for us all to stay on the path to our purpose, as it is critical for our growth and will to survive. It is my wish for all to find the same comfort, bravery, and peace that I did in the pages of this book.

It is difficult to properly address the question, "How has mental health impacted you," without launching into a full-blown dissertation. Conversely, "how hasn't mental health shaped me?" may be a more appropriate question. Having suffered a less-than-ideal childhood and adolescence riddled with uncertainty, I experienced panic attacks and deep bouts of depression from an early age. As a result, traditional public school was a big challenge for me. I didn't feel comfortable or safe in my own mind, let alone within the confines of having to perform academically or fit in with my peers. I did my best to integrate the best I could, but to avail. My symptoms peaked in my freshman year of high school when I experienced a sexual assault by an acquaintance, and I convinced myself that there was no longer a place for me in the world. In the summer of 2011, I attempted to take my own life and failed. I ended up in the emergency room with an on-call psychologist telling me that I would be transferred to a residential treatment facility in Windsor, Missouri to ensure that I didn't harm myself further. I spent 13 days in that facility and wasn't allowed to have shoes, a hairbrush, or the freedom to go outside. This further distorted my sense of identity as I felt I was being taught that my challenges were not only burdening to my family, but immoral, and my time in this hospital was intended to punish me. I never returned to public school after that, my panic attacks and anxiety symptoms became so unmanageable that I was sent home complete my education through correspondence courses. My mental health challenges made it difficult for me to integrate any level of normalcy, and I struggled to discover my identity outside of being sick. Unfortunately, I dropped out of high school my junior year and adopted the belief that I was, "too stupid" to ever excel in academia. However, later in my adult life after participating in over a decade of intensive psychotherapy, I decided to give education another try. With only a GED, some outdated ACT scores, and a dream, I enrolled in my first college class at age 26. Nearly 2 years later, I have a 4.0 GPA and am only 2 classes away from completing a degree that I never thought possible. I have done that while maintaining a full-time job and engaging in twice-a-week therapy sessions. I have found a sacred peace and ability to cope through my education, and I plan to carry that into a graduate program. Without being challenged to overcome all of these obstacles, I am not sure I would have had the resilience to appreciate my victories for what they are - a miracle. I owe all my successes to my incredible family who is grateful for my continued commitment to my recovery, and an unbelievable care team that is dedicated to my well-being. It is only because of the terrible experience I endured in that mental hospital in 2011 that I know the importance of trauma-informed care and that even well-intentioned behavioral health clinicians can do more harm than good without proper training. For that reason, I have chosen to dedicate my life to contributing whatever I can to those who have walked a similar path, and to the individuals who lost their battle. I feel so grateful to have a second chance in this stage of my life and to have found a diagnosis that has guided my care to a place where my symptoms are manageable. I also feel grateful to have found my peace within academia and will continue to pursue a master's degree toward becoming a licensed therapist. My mental health challenges have shaped who I am as a student, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, and eventually - as a therapist. I am honored to be considered for this memorial scholarship and hope to continue my work in an effort to advocate for those who didn't receive help in time.

Why is it important we help those who have been touched by addiction? The answer is simple; addiction is not isolated in the dark, deep corners of rough parts of communities. The qualifiers for substance use disorder extend beyond the social norms of what a “junkie,” looks like. Addiction doesn’t discriminate based on race, gender, upbringing, socioeconomic status, character or religion. This issue extends to our oldest and dearest friends, our brothers, sisters, teachers, and children. The epidemic levels of the opiate crisis have created an impermeable issue that extends beyond what behavioral health capacities can currently offer, making help not only important but urgent. As a result, the question becomes HOW can we help those suffering from addiction and mental health issues both in the short-term and the long-term? It is no secret that the stigma associated with substance abuse places a heavy burden on addicts and the people who love them. However, a less known and talked about issue is the stigma involved with obtaining help for addiction-related issues and universally agreed upon treatment methods. While some professionals advocate for medication-assisted options to transition patients into recovery, others deem it harmful or even a form of failure. Additionally, traditional 12-step models simply don’t work for everyone. Current modalities of care are applied as a "one size fits all" method that doesn't fit every individual situation. Interventions should be applied based on the complexity and severity of substance abuse, assessment of mental health co-morbidities, trauma, and socioeconomic status. As a result, further research & expanded education is necessary. As a proud graduate of the Hazelden Betty Ford residential treatment program with 4.5 years of sobriety, I’d love to say that I was special. I would love to tell you that the inner strength I possessed was somehow different than anyone else who has struggled with substance abuse. However, the only thing that separates me from those who have come before is the dedicated team of physicians, counselors, peers, and loved ones who provided me with help when I asked for it and forgave me at times when I couldn’t forgive myself. I owe my successes to the people who loved me during times I struggled to love myself. However, not all people have access to quality care which interferes with their ability to survive this pervasive illness. I recognize this privilege, and it is for these reasons I was granted a second chance. After never graduating high school, I returned to school at age 26 and found a newfound sense of confidence. As I near the completion of my bachelor’s degree in psychology, I have realized I want to pursue a master’s program to assist those who have walked a similar path. Specifically, it is my professional goal to specialize in assessment and dual diagnosis which is a pivotal component of lasting sobriety. Because so many addicts have undiagnosed mental health conditions such as complex PTSD, Bipolar, and depression/anxiety, it is challenging to tackle substance abuse without alleviating the symptoms they were attempting to mask. In conclusion, being considered for this memorial scholarship is an honor. It is my responsibility to take advantage of the healing that many before me were not afforded. It is my hope I can make even a small contribution in the lives of those who are currently suffering or have suffered in the past from addiction.