The military was the only community I ever knew
In this community, it was normal for parents to miss birthdays and Christmas. It was normal for friends to come and go. It was normal to go back to an empty home and make dinner for myself and my siblings while my parents were in the field, on business trips, or deployed. For most of my childhood, these things were what I considered a "normal life".
I didn't realize how unusual my life was until I was exposed to "civilian" communities.
Growing up, I lived in neighborhoods full of kids like me - where we would compare deployment dates & lengths the same way other kids compared after-school activities. Some kids would brag about their parents being deployed for over 6 months, like it was a badge of honor. And nearly all of us had a story about a parent missing a birthday or two. I never knew that this was atypical, that in the eyes of civilians, this was a "sad" life.
Within this "atypical" life, I was still, somehow, the odd one out. We got stationed in Texas and were blessed enough to be able to extend that stay for 8 years, a pipedream for a lot of military families. But the stability came with a tradeoff; I was still affected by the transient nature of the military, even if I wasn't the subject of it.
It became easy to let people go because eventually they'd leave. Everyone leaves sometimes. Your parents go away for weeks or months, friends move - people are not going to be there for me all the time because they can't, that's not how life works.
After those 8 years, we moved to Hawaii, and for the first time in my life, locality outweighed the military. The change was beyond shocking, and I struggled a lot with depression & anxiety back then. It didn't help that local students kept their distance. I couldn't blame them; they had learned what I learned, military kids always leave. I was completely isolated, and with no one to talk to about it, I was forced to confront how the constant ebb and flow of the military had irrevocably affected me.
The more I learned from local kids about their normal lives, the more I envied them. I envied the friendships they've had for their whole lives, and that their parents always came home at night. My desire for "normalcy" became fervent.
Ironically, a pandemic that isolated all of us brought me closer to community and long-lasting friendships. Through online communities, I connected with others who shared my interests. These people didn't care if I was thousands of miles away - as long as I had wifi, then it didn't matter if I moved to another state or switched schools. For the first time, I wasn't defined by the military.
Yet I realized within these groups that the military had given me a pretty valuable skill. I knew how to adapt quickly, empathize with others deeply, and connect with people of vastly different backgrounds from mine. Even if they were a fleeting friendship in a fifteen-minute game, I was able to form connections - some of which are now my longest friendships ever.
In the weirdest twist of fate, the abnormal life I had gave me one of my greatest strengths. Being a child of soldiers gave me the resilience to keep going despite my mental health challenges, gave me understanding without resentment, and taught me how to find connection even when everything is constantly changing.