I walked into the office and my heart sank. Piles of bills laid strewn across the small table, each one stamped with dark red letters. Dozens of envelopes torn and marked with “Final Notice” and “Overdue”, words that seemed to grow as I stared at them in disbelief. My mother sat hunched over the monstrosities, her eyes sullen and her hands shaking. Her shirt was soaked in tears. The air around me thickened, every breath became a weight upon my lungs and panic rose within my throat. My chest burned as if pressed against a hot iron, my eyes stung as they welled, and my feet stuck to the floor as if tethered to the carpet. I had never before seen my mother undergo so much pain and suffering. I tried to think of something, anything, that I could say or do to comfort her, but I was barely keeping my own tears from falling. I struggled keeping myself from falling apart as I dragged my feet toward her and wrapped my arms around her. As soon as I walked back into my room I felt pain and panic wash over me. I felt like I needed to do more to help my parents but had no job, nor a license, so there weren’t many ways I could help to provide for my family. Tears I tried so desperately to fight against poured out of me, and they wouldn’t stop flowing. Even after the moment ended those feelings of sadness and uselessness continued to haunt the back of my mind.
Some weeks later, in October of 2019, I had just got home from school. It was getting cold outside and I couldn’t wait to enjoy the warmth of home, but when I stepped inside it was freezing. I thought that the thermostat was just turned off or that somehow it wasn’t working, but neither were the case. I looked at my mother, confused, then she smiled apologetically, saying “I’m sorry but the power’s been cut off”. I could hear the torment in her voice as she spoke those words. She had been working so hard to provide for us, and I knew that. Her words caused panic to rise up to my chest and fear to fester in my stomach. Having and preparing enough food for the household was itself a task, but the absence of refrigeration would make it far more difficult. The scene from weeks before replayed in my mind, the monstrous red letters and the tear soaked shirt, and gloom formed a cloud over me. I was filled with uneasiness and uncertainty but I couldn’t do anything about it.
Night time was cold and quiet. I sat with my family near the fireplace to keep warm. For a while we sat quietly, staring at the trees outside our living room window,
there was no television or rechargeable phone to distract any of us. To pass the time, we made conversation and addressed our circumstances. My mom told us how she had been job hunting for months trying to provide income, how she works so hard to do the housework so that my siblings and I can focus on school, and how she wants the best for us no matter what. She comforted me, and told me that we were going to be okay as long as we had each other to count on. All my worry and sadness and pain began to dissolve, I felt warm and at peace. My mom managed to convince me that we would make it through our hardships, that I can trust her and have hope. She helped me to overcome my worries and fears by relying on the people around me for support. Though it was painful, the challenge that I faced helped me learn to overcome my fears and to trust in the people that care for me.