His name is Daniel. Growing up, like most young children I too participated in the DARE program. Officer D would come in every Friday to teach us about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. At the end of the program, we took the DARE pledge. "I pledge to say no to drugs and alcohol, to say no to violence, and encourage those around me to do the same" or something along those lines. DARE teaches kids many things. But it never prepared me for the heartache of watching someone I love battle with substance abuse... much less that person being my little brother. Daniel was always a wild child but in all of the best ways. He always had the best comedic timing and could make us laugh until we were crying without even trying. When he began High School that light slowly began to fade. Daniel began isolating himself. He gave up playing sports, he no longer wanted to leave the house and a rage that we had never seen before took over the once kind-hearted, funny kid. Little did I know the silent battle that had been ensuing in the tiny bedroom down the hall. Over time I truly learned the meaning of "You cannot help someone who does not want our help". I can still picture my father sitting on our living room floor, sobbing, after getting a phone call from my brother after checking him into an inpatient facility for the first time. "Please Dad come get me, Ill promise ill be better". Help doesn't always look the way it does in the movies. Sometimes the best help we can provide is to stand by our loved ones until they are willing to help themselves. Sometimes the best help we can provide is walking away. I've learned that there is no correct answer. After 5 long years, Daniel has finally begun to find the light in his darkness. Every day is a different battle and some days are a lot harder than others but lately, the good days are outweighing the bad. Daniel obtained his GED, works as a car mechanic and is the owner of not one but TWO CARS, which he is extremely proud of. Before, there was a time when my mom's therapist recommended that we begin to prepare funeral arrangements. Today, I cannot wait to see all of the amazing things that he will continue to accomplish. Daniels's story is not like most. Going to school in North Philadelphia I saw firsthand the devastation and the heartache that our communities continue to endure daily. I have a passion for youth and young adults because they are our future and too often their struggles get overlooked by our healthcare system. I hope to continue to bring change to youth and young adult mental health and substance abuse services so we can have more stories of recovery. Stories like Daniel.

Before I changed my major to Behavioral Health, I was actually a Music Vocal Performance Major. Music has inspired me my entire life but as of late the song that keeps coming back to my subconscious is a song by the Grammy winning artist Billie Eilish titled "idontwannabeyouanymore". In my field I am often told that talking to young people about mental health and suicide is dangerous because young people cannot grasp the idea of permanence or the seriousness of the topic. Hearing those words always brings me back to this song. Billie Eilish was 15 years old when she wrote this song. A song about looking in the mirror, not liking what is in the reflection looking back at you and not wanting to be alive anymore. If a 15 year old can write, produce, and publish a song about her suicidal ideation, how many other young people are also feeling this way and living in silence? This song not only inspires me to continue to pursue my career working in youth and young adult mental health but also is a gleaming reminder that even in the darkest times when hope seems lost, we can survive the ongoing battle happening within our minds. Billie Ellish stated that she didn't know if she would make it to 17 and she just recently turned 20 years old. Although I have moved on from pursuing a future in music I do still sing from time to time. Attached below is my version of idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish.

In March of 2020 a friend of mine posted on Facebook "Accepting your nose is the 1st step of self love" and this has drastically changed the way that I view myself. For most of my life I have struggled with self-love just as most young women do. My nose has always been an insecurity of mine. When I saw my friend post this quote on Facebook it made me look inward at myself more to find the deep rooted cause of my insecurity. Prior I looked at my nose and saw "Narrow, crooked, hooked etc.". Now as I look in the mirror I see my grandmother. Although I have considered rhinoplasty in the past it is no longer something that want to change about myself. I have learned whether it is my nose, my belly, my feet or my arms that I am beautiful inside and out. I look back at pictures in which at the time I thought that I was not very pretty and now I wish I looked that way. I realize that I will most likely look back on the way I look currently and wish I still looked this way later down the line. I am learning to love who I am in the present time and enjoy the body and the brain that I have been given.