Through learning, I have stretched my capacities in ways I never thought possible as a student with both autism and ADHD. Learning has transformed me over and over again through my life and has brought me to discover my own presence. What it means to find one’s presence is to take the space one wants to fill with confidence. It’s a process of finding satisfaction in life and advocating for one’s needs to be met to accomplish that ideal. Like many neurodivergent people, I have a deep love of enveloping myself with my interests, but have lacked the confidence or resources to pursue those interests. Because of my designation as disabled or special needs, I used to think that I was less than other people, that I couldn’t do as much or didn’t deserve to get what I wanted out of life. Developing a sense of my own presence involved more than just learning new skills in the classroom, but also required that I felt empowered to learn those skills and ask for help. It can seem like an individual with the diagnoses I have wouldn’t succeed in a helping profession, but I now know that with the support I need, I can excel. I have found that my ideal of a fulfilling life is one dedicated to helping special needs students. My journey of finding my own presence has made me passionate about special education. Despite the challenges I face because of my diagnoses, I have learned to advocate for my needs and want to help students do the same to accomplish what they want out of life. Though my disabilities have made it harder for me to learn the social skills I need in this profession, they have also given me a unique empathy and understanding of special needs students. I know what it’s like to be frustrated with schoolwork, to feel alienated from peers, to sense that one is a burden to others. I hope that I can be a role model to the students I work with so that they can see an example of a disabled adult that has found joy out of life, but not without the struggle that realistically every disabled person will face. This is why teaching self-advocacy is critical so that every student can get individualized support to overcome challenges that hold them back from their desires. I gained experience working with autistic children as a registered behavior technician, which has taught me love, patience, and understanding that has prepared me for a career in special education. I provided one-on-one behavioral therapy to eight kids in both clinic and home settings and I found joy in each child’s journey. While teaching them life skills, I watched each child gain a sense of their own presence, and they helped me deepen my sense of my own. Incorporating their interests into their learning helped each child know that their wants were important and encouraged them to grow into who they wanted to be rather than forcing them into a neurotypical mold. Though they each had highly individualized plans, the most important commonality is that they were learning the skills to uphold their autonomy in functional ways. With age-appropriate methods such as asking for a break or using a picture to show what food they wanted, all the children were gradually learning to become self-advocates. As they stand in the intersection of children and autistic individuals, two groups that are often spoken over, it’s critical to teach them self-advocacy skills. As a special education teacher, I want to show special needs students that they can choose for themselves and that someone is listening. To accomplish my goals, I will be working toward finishing my master’s of special education degree at Brigham Young University. Through my degree, I will practice self-advocacy skills to get the support I need to continue to forge my presence as a competent special education teacher. Upon completing my education, I plan to guide students into sensing their presence by teaching them to advocate for what they want out of life. They will face challenges, but when they learn self-advocacy, they can receive the necessary support for them to succeed. It’s important to first find what naturally interests the students and analyze what skills they currently have to build off of. Gradually growing their skills and utilizing their interests help special needs students to become thrilled by learning and by their progress. I will only be a part of each student’s life for a short portion of it, but learning to advocate for themselves will be a skill that will follow them forever.

Loneliness is what almost killed me. In the final two years of my undergraduate degree, I was diagnosed with four mental conditions. With an unsupportive family, I bore my burden alone as I coordinated appointments on top of managing the responsibilities of living independently. It was a crucible those nights that I wept as I counted pills in my medication organizer, only to wipe my tears enough to see my laptop screen because I couldn’t afford any interruptions to my tight schedule. In my loneliness that felt like a separate world from everyone, I didn’t know if I wanted to live. Mental health fuels all areas of life, which is crucial for students faced with major decisions. If it’s degraded, it’s a drain on the motivation that’s central to living an enriching life. There are numerous students like me that appear as underachievers, but have unseen mental burdens that alienate and stigmatize them. I advocate for mental health by overcoming the barrier of loneliness. I worked as a missionary for eighteen months providing community service to people from all backgrounds. I cried as I saw devastating poverty and listened to people share their burdens with me. Doing yard work, moving furniture, and collecting food and clothes felt like it was never enough, but in all the little things, many people told me I had a bigger impact than I knew. I remember one long night with a family that wept in the destructive wake of their abusive father. I couldn’t undo the damage, but I stayed with them so they wouldn’t feel alone. I’m certified as a QPR Gatekeeper, which is an acronym for a three-step suicide prevention technique—question, persuade, and refer. This requires watching for signs of suicide, understanding each individual, and having a conversation to show that they aren’t alone. I volunteered as a mentor in the Autism Mentoring Program at my university where I worked with an autistic student for nine months, helping him set goals to have an enriching college experience and supporting him through unique challenges with relationships and managing comorbid conditions. I sat beside him through meetings with his care network so that he wouldn’t feel alone. Autistic individuals disproportionately experience more mental health challenges when compared to their neurotypical peers. As an autistic person myself with comorbid mental illnesses, I’m passionate about helping other autistic people navigate difficulties. I’ve continued working with autistic individuals as a registered behavior technician, providing one-on-one therapy to nine autistic children. I taught them independence, self-advocacy, and self-regulation techniques, giving them the skills to live autonomously, ask for help, and calm down when facing distressing emotions. I came to understand what each individual child needed and gave them the support they needed through the unique challenges that autistic individuals face. I haven’t created programs to aid millions facing mental health challenges. In fact, I’ve probably changed the lives of less than a dozen people. However, mental illness thrives in the lonely caverns it creates. It takes more than large-scale interventions to improve mental health because it takes knowing people as individuals, supporting them in their unique needs, and loving them unconditionally to beat loneliness. I’m only one person, but I’ve made dear friends by weeping and laughing with them, by sacrificing to care for them. I’m beyond grateful to say that all of those friends are still with me and that I’m still alive to experience life with them. I’ve found life through my relationships and I’m thrilled to further my education in the field of psychology, developing skills to change more lives.