In December 2019, my life changed forever. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy who was perfect in every way; then, my life spiraled. In the midst of severe postpartum depression and anxiety, the world shut down on me-literally. My husband moved from Pennsylvania to Texas for a job, and I stayed behind with our older son who was going into his senior year of high school, and a newborn. It was impossible to find any sort of help for the depression and anxiety that ravaged my brain day in and day out. I knew I had to carry on because my baby boy depended on me for his very survival, and that only mounted on top of the other feelings. By spring of 2021, it was all I could do to get out of bed and face every day. Thankfully, Texas was much more open than Pennsylvania and there was help available. I was on maternity leave when the pandemic hit and we decided it made better fiscal sense for me to be a full time, stay at home mom. Having worked since I was 14, this was a very foreign concept for me and I had no idea how it was going to work. I had to not only structure my own days, but those of my son as well. I did it, and everyone told me I was a natural, but I could tell something was wrong. Despite my being home and working with him daily, my son was not meeting his milestones. After lots of testing and back and forth, we received his autism diagnosis. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but at least our problem now had a name and we could launch a plan of attack. I shelved my depression and anxiety and went full force with whatever treatments and therapies the specialists said my son needed. He began special education pre-k last year, and you would hardly know he was different. I was finally able to get myself into therapy and began to unpack everything that had been bottled up for so long. It was there I decided it was time to go back to school and pursue my dream of nursing school. The caveat? We are not considered low income, but cannot afford all of the tuition, books and hidden fees that come with nursing school. The loans I was offered still leave about a $5000 gap to fill. If selected for this scholarship, I would honor Heather by paying it forward and setting up a scholarship fund after I’ve graduated. Perhaps we could combine forces and offer one, larger scholarship? Today, I truly feel like the sky is the limit, and I hope to be able to leave an impact on the patients and their families I am able to serve. Everyone needs a caring and compassionate hand in their hour of greatest need, and I hope to be just that.

My personal goals as a nurse are to provide advocacy for my patients and to never stop learning. In terms of my career goals, I would like to pursue higher degrees. I have often considered continuing my education and getting my NP one day. I would like to be able to help my patients by being able to do more for them, albeit my passion lies in palliative and hospice care. I decided on a career in nursing because it is the perfect marriage of my two passions: science and advocacy. I spent a large portion of my working life as a mortician. I loved seeing the inner workings of the human body firsthand, and I loved helping people in their hour of greatest need. Nursing provides me to opportunity to have that again, but offers a much better work/life balance than the funeral industry did. There is much more autonomy in scheduling, and most positions do not require nights on call. That was one of the hardest aspects of the funeral industry for me. I loved the work, but I spent so much time away from my family it became overwhelming. I have seen the profound impact nurses can have on a family’s life, both good and bad. It often falls on our shoulders to be the interpreter and intermediary between the patient and the doctors. I want to ensure that my patients never go into a treatment blind or confused about the possibilities and potential outcomes. I can’t say it is one that will ever truly be “overcome”, but being the mother of an autistic child will have a profound impact on my career. Knowing how it feels to be minimized, marginalized and talked down to will always guide my interactions with patients and their families. Much as with being a mortician, we are often meeting people during one of the worst periods of their lives and we have to always remember that in our interactions with them. Always remembering my feelings of utter helplessness and fear of the future after my son’s diagnosis will guide my interactions with both colleagues and patients. It is very easy to become desensitized when you are faced with the same situations day in and day out. It is important to remember this is your patients first time having cancer or having been in a terrible accident. I think having this perspective will serve me well in my nursing career.

I will be starting nursing school this January. In high school, I wanted to be a nurse, but I lost my way. I went away to college and barely made it out. I wound up in a dark place, but pulled myself up by my boot straps and by working three jobs, put myself through mortuary school. One of those jobs was in a psych hospital where I met a nurse who would change my life. He was kind, always fair with assignments and never afraid to roll up his sleeves and work with us when other nurses hid in the nurses station. He epitomized what a nurse and a leader should be. With his support, I had a very successful career in funeral service. After a decade in funeral service, I had completed my masters degree in forensics and wanted to try to break into the field. I landed a job with the Pennsylvania Commission on Crime and Delinquency where I worked as a Criminal Justice System Specialist. I assisted victims of crime in many ways. I was in Pittsburgh 24 hours after the Tree of Life mass shooting helping victims alongside the FBI and Pennsylvania State Police. This is where I fell in love with advocacy and helping people all over again. In 2019, I was surprised to find out I was pregnant. While on maternity leave, the pandemic happened. Our family also moved across the country to Texas. We decided it made more fiscal sense for me to stay home with our son. When he was three, our world was upended when we received his autism diagnosis. Thankfully, I was able to be home to take him his multitude of therapies, and he has absolutely thrived. Now, as he nears kindergarten, I knew it was time for me to pursue my dream from long ago: nursing. Having worked with so many families who felt both immense gratitude and abandonment by their doctors and nurses, I knew this was a role I could fill with a unique perspective. I want my patients and their families to always understand exactly what is happening and why. I never want a patient to feel minimized or marginalized. I feel particularly drawn to palliative and hospice nursing, but I am not going into this journey with blinders on. I want to keep an open mind and fully experience each rotation in clinical. I hope to serve as a guide and sounding board for my younger peers in my cohort. As we aren’t considered “low income,” and this isn’t my first degree, many scholarship doors are closed to me. Unfortunately, we are not able to afford the gap between the loans I was offered and what tuition, books and all the other hidden fees will cost. If selected for this scholarship, I will honor Joseph’s memory by continuing my education beyond my BSN and helping others achieve their personal and educational goals by paying it forward with a scholarship of my own for students in a similar situation after graduation.