If I could have every person in the world read one book, it would be How It Feels To Float by Helena Fox. For all of my life, I have struggled with my mental health. At the age of seven, I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD. I didn't know anything was wrong with me; I felt this was an ordinary occurrence for everyone. Subsequently, my world fell on top of me. I was fifteen and diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and functional neurological disorder. Life didn't feel real, and I was distant from others holding problems not accepted by man. In this book, there's a marvelous portrayal of mental illness that others can relate to and could help individuals comprehend what it could be like living with a mind that consistently fights against you. Sometimes, life makes you perceive that you're floating. Biz, the main character and protagonist, is mourning the grief of her father, which then heightens the rest of her suffering. Diminutive things she would often shrug off grope her mind tightly without vacating any air to breathe. Sixteen-year-old Biz doesn't know who she is and is frequently in her room sulking in despair. Life goes by swiftly when you're only yielding attention to your mind. It appears the world is pivoting fast, and you're stuck behind, cemented in the center without a place to head. The people around Biz try and support her as much as they physically can. The Earth and everyone is against you: they're only bearing pity. This novel has a lyrical and poetic style of writing. Reading this feels lightweight, almost like you're in the clouds, bouncing around from reality to fantasy, the safest place in the world to Biz. How It Feels To Float is fever-dreamish, and you will accumulate melancholic emotions by the end, sending you into a spiral. By the end of the story, you'll be innumerably grateful for what you have; and you'll long to hold it all close to you.

SF9's 예뻐지지 마, otherwise known as "enough," has the most important message to me. The lyrics are about a person telling their lover that they are enough and beautiful in their own way. This song highlights boosting one's confidence; so they aren't shy about themselves. During my first year in high school, I had little confidence. I was the chubby kid: the person everyone would pick on because I wouldn't fit into their ethnocentrism. I began to develop an eating disorder. I longed to be liked by my peers and treated differently than I had. I focused on eating the most undersized portions possible, starving myself of the nutrients my adolescent body needed to flourish. I was fatigued and losing weight rapidly. I would nap as much as feasible because I had no energy to do otherwise. When I initiated my recovery, I would sing this song in front of the mirror. Day by day, I attempted to trick my mind into thinking that I was enough, similarly to the tune. I would keep doing it, sometimes adding a little dance to lighten my mood. It eventually worked after weeks of doing so. Without this song, I wonder if I would have recovered from my disordered eating. Furthermore, I now feel that self-love this tune was conversing. This song encouraged me to better my mind and abled me to recover. There are no words to express how much I appreciate this song. It astonishes me that a song can impact a person that much.

I woke up, and I had no idea what was happening. Pain flooded my body, controlling every limb and crevice. My face was urgently hot, and my eyes were extremely dilated. My entire body was stiff with brimming tension, and suddenly the room was occupied with a sudden chirp whenever my heart pulsed. The faint aroma of bleach and decaying elderly fled to my nose. I eyed the room and several doctors hovering above me. They were observing me as if I was a young child who lost their favorite bright-colored toy. This excerpt is from a memoir I wrote in my current English class. This piece relates to the first time I had a full-blown seizure. I have a disability named functional neurological disorder and psychogenic non-epileptic seizures, or FND/PNES for short. I am on both sides of the spectrum, which is extraordinarily rare. This disorder is "all in my head." Not many people know about this disorder, so it becomes severely stigmatized. I often get ugly remarks from others, and those drain my mentality. The causes of these seizures are stress and overstimulation. When I was starting to recover from anorexia, I had my first seizure. Personally, it felt like the mirrors I encountered were filled with hallucinogens. I covered all the mirrors I had in my bedroom and bathroom. I had a fixation on becoming normal and likable to others. I was on a deep and twisted staircase, trying to find the light that was shining beyond me. Furthermore, my disorder influences my everyday life. I have full-fledged grand mal seizures, and through others' eyes, it's inexplicitly traumatizing. I feel guilty and ashamed when I have one in front of others. Many days my disorder won't even let me get out of bed. Isolation from others happens because of this. I can't have a "normal" teenage life. I'm only allowed to go out if my mom or best friend, Kendall, comes with me. They both have the seizure precaution down. I cannot drive or go to extremely clangorous places. I had to stop taking precalculus because the learning environment was triggering for me. My mother has been there for me every step of the path. She has taken me to all my medical appointments, which are over two hours away. On the way there and back, my mom and I told stories about one's life adventures. When I have a seizure or must leave school due to unbearable pain caused by my disorder, my mom will drop everything to get to me. I adore her dearly. She is the person I look up to most; she is my superhero. This disorder has worsened my BPD, anxiety, and depression. I have more time on my hands when I have FND symptoms. I would start pondering about one thing, and then my mind would retaliate against me. I overthink and imagine the worst. I feel like I'm in a bubble, trapped by all the bad things that could happen to me. That makes it so I can't push to accomplish other tasks. I cannot stand to talk to others or be in sight of them. I need to be perfect so people can't see me; I'm crazy and dismayed by society. The thought of someone thinking about my disorder makes me want to shrivel up and die. This disorder has been an enormous pain in my life. I cannot be like this. I need to be ordinary. Thoughts tremble over themselves, rushing over to one another to coincide and make things worse. My school life has correspondingly changed because of this disorder. I would miss so much school, and I was barely learning. "Wow, Alyssa! Look at you! You finally made it to school!" my educators and peers announced passive-aggressively. Those remarks hurt me seriously. I endeavored to take on an active role in class, yet I couldn't because FND was holding me back. The world wanted me to regard the hatred it had toward me, and I harbored that view. I took a semester off my junior year to concentrate on my mental health and disorder. It was one of the most challenging choices I have made in my education career. My goals and views toward life changed immensely. I had to start making small goals that I once could've believed were stupid and useless. I couldn't imagine the big picture unless I had steps inaugurated in front of me. The career course my brain assumed I would go down wasn't fit for me anymore, and I then sensed that I was going nowhere. My dad constantly commented about the professions I aspired to do because they were lower paying. He valued money over happiness, and I finally agreed with him. Now step by step, I am back to my younger self, desiring to pursue what makes me happiest, music.

Every day, people become slandered with harsh comments about their identity. "It's just a joke," they protrude as I end up weeping in my room at night, questioning what is wrong with me. Am I not allowed to be gay? Am I not allowed to have a disability? Why am I like this? I have spent multiple days fantasizing about the day I would acquire the love I give to others. Love is necessary for the greater good of the people around you, and it needs to be more prominent in today's society. Love: both verb and noun; to like or enjoy very much. This term is Oxford's definition. This word can mean different things to different people. My mother once taught me that love means maintaining empathy, affection, and respect for everyone. Some people send love through physical contact, words of affirmation, and gifting small items to others. Love is taught to us at a young age by family members or people at school. I remember having school assemblies talking about how love and kindness coincide. I can still envision kids turning their heads to friends or teachers when thinking about this term in depth. With love, people can communicate together and feel good about themselves. Many of us forget parts of love when we get into a more elevated adolescent time. People want to fit in with others, so they often change their behaviors to please others they admire. Egos will get to you. You will feel like everyone else is below you. If people do not take the actions you approve of, the love you have will slowly dissolve into hatred. This hatred can catastrophize into other things like violence, discrimination, and more. I have been a victim of these things; it's not fun. It makes life unbearable with the constant feeling of not being worthy of the people around you. No matter what, you will interpret yourself as an outsider, never finding a place to belong. Accordingly, the self-esteem and love you had earlier will impractically decrease, and it is hard to grasp again. It ends up becoming a recurring cycle. If you were to have a love for yourself and others, this would not happen. Some words and actions can screw with you mentally, and we don't want that. A few ways to spread love and positivity are by smiling at others, helping someone when they feel melancholy, completing tasks with others, acknowledging acquaintances, and standing up for your beliefs when needed. Let's live a loveable and laureate life harmoniously with one another.

If awarded, I could put this scholarship to use easily. College is excessively costly, and every little thing adds up hastily. Even though our governor, Gretchen Whitmer, has signed a bill to reduce the costs of college tuition, it will still be a financial struggle for me. This scholarship will ease the burden of college and college life fees. Some of the main things I can use this scholarship for include travel, housing, groceries, and extracurricular activities. Traveling is one of the most important tasks for me. I would appreciate being able to drive back home to visit family once or twice a month. To me, family is the most meaningful quality. I enjoy doing small activities with my family, which brings us closer. My family is my biggest supporter. They attend all of my important events or even support me if I'm just glum. I live about an hour away from my target school. The money used for gasoline will effortlessly add up. At SVSU, housing costs around ten thousand dollars each year. This fee includes the required meal plan, which is around two thousand dollars. Other than those upfront fees, there are costs to create a livable dorm room. Having a private space that also has characteristics of my spunky personality would be appreciated. There isn't much space in those rooms, so I will also need to purchase items that have storage. Because I am moving to a new place, I will need to stock up on cleaning supplies. That includes laundry detergent, towels, a vacuum, dish soap, and more. Even though I have a meal plan, I will still have to buy groceries. The meal plan I am getting has only fourteen meal swipes. That means I will need to supply myself with other groceries for breakfast. I also like having snacks on hand whenever my blood sugar drops. Extracurricular activities supply me with time I can do the things I enjoy. I love being outside and becoming refreshed by the atmosphere's scent. My favorite hobbies include painting, playing instruments, walking around, and hanging out with friends. All of these cost time and/or money. Having these expenses covered would let me relish my college life. Winning this scholarship would put me closer to accomplishing my life aspirations. Music is the most prominent part of my life, and I want to make a mark in the future with it. I have dreamt millions of times about being someone who can show musical leadership and other excellent qualities to other people. I want to influence Michigan's youths' concept of music. Music will stick with you forever, and so will this scholarship.

Ever since I was very little, I wanted to become a leader. I looked up tremendously to the people above me, observing their ways so I could once be similar. I took action and paid attention to my classes, learning and obtaining information efficiently as possible. I desired to be the best there was, and make a peaceful indent in today's society. I started to have behavioral issues as a response to my trauma. I never knew why I was like this as a kid. I just thought I went to therapy to do activities. I became diagnosed with depression and PTSD at the age of seven. This "PTSD thing," whatever it was, would not stop me from continuing with what I wanted most, becoming a leader. Moving forward to middle school, I started having a rugged time again. I was the girl people would ask out as a prank. People would only recognize me because of my soaring academics. 8th grade was atrocious. I became engaged in self-harm in ways to cope with everything that was zipping by in my world. I started covering up and only wore hoodies and leggings. Some people noticed and started spreading rumors about me in school. I was drowning in my misery, barely keeping my head up, and I started isolating myself more and more. To say the least, freshman year was a mayhem. I was able to recover from my target behaviors. I still took responsibility of my grades and endeavored my best. I had an amazing experience with my school's band; having the highest rank in our district's band festival. I also volunteered to teach middle schoolers how to play their instruments after school. When winter arrived, life started getting worse for me. I soon developed an eating disorder, and it became easier to hide because of COVID-19. In June after my first year of high school ended, I became extremely stressed. One day, I asked my mother to crack my back for me, so I lay on the carpeted floor. She began the process of cracking my back, and I couldn't remember what happened next. Next thing you know, I woke up and my body ached with tendinous pain. I burst out with tears filling my eyes. My brother's friend and my mom run me to the car as I'm tripping over myself. I had my first seizure ever. I had gone to many appointments to see my neurologist. I was diagnosed with FND, a functional neurological disorder. This disorder leads to PNES, psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. My mother and I had to research everything we could find on this disorder. This disorder, at least on the side of the spectrum I'm on, is not common. We learned together so we could navigate around it. I remember spending nights just focusing on this research. Things made more sense after hearing about things my disorder does. The tenth grade didn't feel real. My derealization initiated. Schooling became harder and harder. I began having problems focusing. After a while, my seizures became consistent. My disorder paralyzes me now after I have one. I would either be equipped in a wheelchair at school or would be wheeled out to my mom's car if I had a seizure. Because I was having them so often, I became closer, bit by bit, to my mother. This disorder didn't just affect me, it affected others around me. My family had to take time off of work to watch over me. Eleventh grade was my hardest year. My mind and body shut down. I was going down a spiral staircase into hard times. I was seizing several times every day. Because of the hardship of my disorder, I felt like I was never going to do anything with my life. I thought the world was against me. I tried so hard, and I failed. I finished one semester of this grade, just barely getting by. I couldn't pass a class. I took off a semester of school. I was struggling and barely holding on. I was so close to ending it all. All of my life goals faded away. There was no more point to live now. Thankfully, my mother set me up with a dialectical behavior therapist. Therapy has changed my life forever. I continued going and doing all the work that came with it. After I started individual therapy, I joined group therapy. This group included both parents and adolescents. At the time, I spent around 8 hours a week traveling for therapy. Since I can't drive, I went with my mom. My mom and I chatted through our car rides and we became best friends. Here we are now in my senior year. I'm continuing my therapy. I'm continuing to grow closer to my mom and bringing peace to my mind. My mind is healthiest now than it has been in years. My seizures have decreased, and I'm now able to attend and participate in school. I am doing well in my current classes and making up the work that I have missed due to going to therapy every Wednesday. Now, I can have deep conversations with people and help people cope with DBT skills. I found my way back, reaching for the stars. I now know what I want to do with my life again. I plan to become either a music or English instructor. Even though my emotions often flow like waves, I can overcome them.

Hello, my name is Alyssa Wood. When I was born, I lived with both of my parents. My father, David, was addicted to pain medications and did cocaine. He was also a professional bodybuilder. My beautiful mother, Laura, was clean and was going to Ferris State University to pursue nuclear medicine. The year of my parent's divorce, my trauma began. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by my vicious father. As soon as he scurried off to Montana, I became deathly afraid of men. I would hide behind my mom in stores if a man had approached her. The one good thing about my dad though, was that he started my passion for music. My family and I decided to make my bedroom into an office with cheap speakers surrounding it. My dad would play all sorts of music, broadening my musical spectrum. My most memorable of those times was around 2008 when Rihanna came up a lot. Other than that time in life, he never sent my mother child support, even when she was struggling. I moved to Ludington, with my single mother and brother, around 2009. My mom obtained a job at the newly constructed hospital. I would go to school and was present at daycare while my mom was working. She was working immense hours just to let us survive. My life changed in a flash. She was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. This disease rotted her life. We ended up moving to one of the poorest counties in the state, Clare County. Parts of her memory do not work as well now. She lost her job, and will never be able to keep one again. Flash forward several years, and I am now living in Harrison. I began learning the piano in the fifth grade and started learning the clarinet in the sixth. I was extremely grateful for my new hobby, without thinking anything else about it. My love for music intensified, and I began practicing and practicing my instruments. My grandparents funded my clarinet, and I don't know where I would be without them. I have been the first chair in my school band all of my career, except for my freshman year. The band I belong most to is concert. I enjoy site reading and nitpicking at all small things that could be performed better. Music is my happy place. It's there for me when I'm down. I could not live without it. Because of my strong connection to music, I have decided I want to go to college for it. Even though I'm a bit uncertain of which college I want to go to, I still want to major in my biggest passion, music. I enjoy connecting with others because of it and learning new things. Winning this scholarship means I would be able to physically put myself to college, and play my instrument in my college's band.

Bring me towards the buoyant Red roses that I've created informally in My afflicted mind, Maintaining the spiritual peace that I, myself, whom intensely Needed to Go ahead with dubious life; Trimming the cumbrous things that have Risen throughout, Abolishing the rubbish, and Umbrellaing my heart from the rain, My flowering nature, Again and over, while repeatedly Wondering if my mind will Obey me, or travel backward, Nagging my blissful emotions, That lingered briefly; Bowing itself to me as if I was Radiant royalty, a grateful monarch, and as Ecstasy starts slowly falls evanescent; Approaching critical decline, Knifing at sectors of Mind; pantomiming my mentality, Except it prospered without the Aching that once hurt before, Gaining my self-resilience, And acquiring the essential Independence that once fled at a young age Now becoming my own harmonious person.