When I used to think about self-care, the things that would come to mind were face masks and bath bombs and while I still wish I had those things, recently the idea of self-care has drastically changed for me. I realized that self-care was not only face masks and bath bombs, but it was also other things in your life that you do to better yourself mentally, physically, emotionally or all of the above. And because of my newfound experience of self-care in exercising, my lifestyle has changed for the better. I absolutely despise exercising (is what I would say a couple of months ago and it's weird because I hate exercising but for the past 3 years I have been an all-year-round athlete). I used to cringe at the thought of going to the gym or picking up a weight at home, but I eventually evolved from that stage. It’s only been about two months that I have been working out every day. After school or in the morning, I’m going to the gym or doing exercises at home. Within those two months, I have already noticed changes. I have more energy, I’m happier, and I’m motivated to do other things. I only first started exercising regularly because my parents pushed me to stay in shape for my sport, but after I took a four-day break within the two-month period, I noticed the changes that were occurring. Without exercise I felt uncomfortable throughout the day, my sleeping was heavily affected, and I became lazier. That is when I realized the benefits that have come with exercising. Self-care is a practice of something that betters yourself mentally, physically, or emotionally, and I am extremely proud and happy that I found something that benefits me with all of the above.

To me, friendship is an understanding between two people that like to be together. Right now I don’t have any good friendships. I have friends who are more like acquaintances. But that true friendship, where you spend so much time together, you know each other so well, and you love each other like crazy is something I don’t have. I used to have this but now that's gone. I used to have so many friends and a lot of close ones, but as I got more into high school, I began to grow out of them all. I’m not sure if it is because of my own resentment or if people just stopped liking me as much, but I feel like I got too boring and everyone else found other people. I have tried to get my strong friendships back but it doesn’t work. I constantly compare myself to the other friendships they have and think that I could never be as good as them. At this rate, when I go to college the only people I will miss are my parents. I don’t have a best friend or any really strong friendships, but I would like one. I want a friendship where we grow old together and our kids are best friends. I want a friendship where we spend all our time together and I no longer feel so alone. I want a friendship where I can look back in 60 years and remember the good times that my best friend and I had. That’s what friendship means to me; a happy relationship where you feel comfortable enough with them that you can be your own crazy self. To me, friendship is a relationship that you won’t regret. Someday I hope to get that kind of friendship again.

Every year, around 200,00 people visit William Shakespeares' grave. That statement alone motivates me. It motivates me to leave a legacy--to not be forgotten. 200,00 people every year are so enamored with this man that they visit his grave. He is only one person, so what makes him so special? It is the influence that he has had in people's lives. Most of these people are so moved and touched by his work they admire him greatly. That is my goal in life. To move and touch so people and just make them happy. I don’t want to do it for the fame and money, I want to do it for the satisfaction of seeing one of my favorite things--happy people. If a person's legacy is so strong that people leave flowers and weep upon their grave then you know that that person did something right. I want to make a difference. I am motivated every day to work hard for this purpose. The purpose of helping others, the purpose of inspiring others, and the purpose of making others happy is a lot. I know that it's a lot. Maybe I am being a little bold with the hundreds of thousands of people visiting my grave. But even if it’s only one person visiting my grave, one person leaving flowers, and one person weeping over it, I will know that I have made a difference.

The turquoise killifish "peaks" within 14 days. It reaches its total maturity faster than any other vertebrae. Of course this fish also only lives for about a year, but the point is, the killifish grows up early. I can easily relate to the killifish because I feel that I peaked early too. Although this was conceded of me, I used to believe that I was the best at everything. I was always the smartest in my class, I was the best volleyball player, and everyone was always in awe over my art, but that all ended once I reached high school. The other kids started to develop more-they got smarter and stronger-while I feel like I stayed the same. I felt like my time as being the best was completely over and there was nothing important that I could do now. I’m only starting to realize that I don’t have to be the best at everything. I don’t have to go through life with the only enjoyment of beating other people. I can be the worst at something and still enjoy it. The only thing that matters is that I am happy, that I enjoy the moment. This is how I keep a growth mindset. When I don’t win something or I don’t get a better grade than someone else, I ask myself, "Did you at least enjoy this experience? Did you have fun but also learn something from this?" It’s common when I only focus on the end result, on being the best, but I forget that no one expects me to excel except myself and there is no specific reason that I should hold myself to that pedestal. The turquoise killifish may peak early but it still has a full life ahead of it of opportunities and experiences.

Over the past few summers, I have spent some of my time volunteering at a local daycare. I have learned a lot from that experience alone, and I have specifically learned a lot about patience and its importance. Patience is defined as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” There have been many moments in my life where I experience the exact opposite of that, but I have been working to fix it. A person will learn a lot about patience after sitting with a kid while they keep putting wrong puzzle pieces together even after you continuously remind them how to do it correctly. Patience is a key factor when it comes to helping kids and there were many times I struggled with it. I would consider myself a pretty impatient person and these experiences have helped me realize how important patience really is. It is important not only to kids but to any human. Eventually, I learned that patience is a key thing when it comes to kids. Without it, they have no opportunity to grow. If somebody always gets frustrated with them, they don’t learn and instead can become afraid of trying new things. If you take the time to let them figure it out, they will learn and grow from their completed task. I realized over the summers with the kids, that they might take a long time to finish a simple task but the reward is worth it. The reward of gratification on their face and the reward of knowing they learned something from this and that this experience will help them grow. I learned that having patience is important because eventually things will work out and the kid finishes the puzzle.

This November will be one year since I lost my uncle to cancer. It was shocking news to hear from my parents because I had believed that he was getting better and that he was going to make it through and fight like he previously had. But the relapse won. The toll of his death on my family isn’t noticeable to an outsider but I can feel it hanging over my families heads. My aunt and cousins are slowly healing and they are some of the strongest people I have seen that have gone through this type of loss. I have never lost a family member or close loved one until my uncle so I had no experience with loss. I didn’t see my uncle and the rest of my family a lot, only several times a year. We get along really well and have never had big family fights over Thanksgiving or other holidays. We all love each other very much. Since I didn’t frequently see my uncle, it has been hard for me to accept that he is truly gone and I’m not sure if I ever will. It feels as if he will show up on Christmas and start playing his Holiday songs from his speaker like he always used to do. I can see the effect that his death has had on my mother especially. She realized how much she needs to improve he life because it can end at any moment. His death made her realize that she doesn’t want to live her life engorged in work and not really living. Because of these thoughts, my mother quit her difficult and time-consuming job where she felt caged by her work. My mother realized she needs to live. She realized she has to start doing something she enjoys and start working more on her mental and physical health. My mothers' behaviors have rubbed off on me and now I find myself needing to do something every day. My laziness has decreased because when I accomplish nothing I feel worthless. I have started to fill my days and I’ve started to do healthier things like working out and cutting my sugar intake. I fear death and regretting the life that I chose to live. Death is one of the scariest things I can think of along with wasting my life and not living.

Oscar Wilde once said, “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.” This quote not only makes me contemplate things but also worries me. Getting old and then regretting your life is something nobody wants. I see so many people in life who exist and do not live, but then at the same time, I wonder what it means to live. How will I know when I’m older that I really lived? Will it be because I have no regrets? Questions of my future always run through my mind, my biggest fear is growing old and regretting everything about myself and my past. I can already see that happening now. I can see myself not enjoying the good times and missing out. I am only 15 years old and I already know that how I am spending my life now is something I will regret in the future. I spend most of my time on schoolwork and I push myself in school too much. I could get out of the amount of schoolwork if I took easier classes but there is also a part of me that says, “You have to get ahead now and push yourself otherwise you will fail in the future. The only time to get ahead is now.” I have noticed how distant I am from my friends compared to others, the only time I spend time with any of them is at school or volleyball practice. That disconnection has led me to the point where I feel insecure about my friendships, so why can’t I just spend more time with them? If I wanted to live now, why haven’t I changed anything? I expect myself to do everything later. If I want to change something I always tell myself I will but in the future. Then nothing happens. This quote doesn’t help in any way but it means a lot to me because it reflects my biggest fear, that I will simply exist but not live.

For my #Back2SchoolBold, I created a mood board from Pinterest pins that I think sums up what I want my school year to look like. The mood board contains, outfits, accessories, organization, and school tips that show what my goals for school are this year. During the school year when the weather starts to get colder, I finally feel the most comfortable in what I have to wear and my style is how I represent myself. Many people say how dressing up for school is pointless but in my opinion, school is the only place that I can dress up. I don’t have other outlets where I can wear really cute outfits and my closet is full of those. My #Back2SchoolBold moment represents one e of the many joys I have of things I can control in my life.

Since I’m still dependent on my parents and haven’t paid any actual bills at the young age of 15, financial advice hasn’t had a total effect on me in the real world. Based on what I’ve learned now, the most helpful financial advice is not something I’ve been told but something I have learned throughout my lifetime. If I could sum up all that I’ve learned and how to be financially wise, I would have to say the most helpful financial advice is “be like my parents.” I have been very fortunate in having financially wise parents, who were both raised in low-income families and were smart with their money even before they started college. My mom prevented acquiring huge student loan debt by applying for scholarships which is something I have learned from her. They have continued to save and invest their money wisely creating a safe and healthy environment for me to grow up in with many benefits that they didn’t have growing up. I have learned to be wise with my money like them and I have just begun with my adventure in smart saving and spending money. A reason why I am entering all these scholarships is because of me hearing my dad's voice in the back of my head saying that the more you save now the better off I will be in the future. I see how well my parents are doing and it’s reflected on how I was raised and how comfortable they are in their lives now. That’s how I want to live when I’m older. I want to start saving my money now so I can put myself on the right track through college and then through the rest of my life.

I read so often that it's where I find most of my comfort. So far since the beginning of 2021, I have read 93 books. Some of those were absolutely amazing, some were okay, and others were just bad. The thing with books is that I read so much, I forget about a lot of the ones I've read before, but I will always remember what happens in the books that I love the most. I could say that my favorite book is It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover or Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens because I loved those books, but in fact if I had to say what my favorite book is I would have to say that it's Forget Me Not by Coleen Murtagh Paratore. Ever Heard of it? Probably not. It's only 178 pages long but with really large print. This book is the third book in the series I think, but I've never read the first two or the ones that follow it. I got this book when I was in third grade and at that age, Forget Me Not was probably too childish for me but I loved it nonetheless. I've always read above my reading level and (not that my mother knows) but I've always loved reading mature topics. Maybe that's why I love this book so much. It talks about such innocence as this girl goes through her not-so-troubling life and has overreactions for everything. This book gives perfect clarity when I read it that I can practically taste the saltwater taffy the character is always eating as she spends her days by the ocean which makes me crave a different upbringing than my stuck in the midwest one. Just thinking about this book makes all my worries wash away.