Last week, I realized I hadn't thought about dying in an awful long time. A year ago, I would have considered suicidal thoughts an undeniable and inescapable part of me. Also last week, I volunteered to be the first to present the big final project in front of my class and on camera, and I didn't break down or even stutter that much. It's been 6 months since my last appointment with my therapist. I haven't even thought about my own mental health very much. All this to say, my past year has been a pivotal point in time for my mental health progress; my relationships, with myself, others, and the world, have changed immensely. Depression, anxiety, addiction, and bipolar disorder all run in my family, and I've always feared I would inherit them all and turn into a horrifying creature made up of all the traits I hated the most in my loved ones, yet recently, I've gone about with only optimism and hope for personal growth. I was generally happy and careless growing up, only hindered by an anxiety that I couldn't quite put into words for my questioning parents, who contributed permanent damage with alcoholism and mania. I believe I aged quicker than I should have. My childhood imagination seemed to have metamorphosed into a world of self-doubt and dark thoughts. The pandemic was an extreme turn of events in the way I developed. The quarantine first appeared to me--irresponsible and lacking in self-awareness--as a vacation, but I failed to realize the permanent harm that was disguised in this gift. By the time I re-entered school, freshman year, I had lost all of my social skills and gained a dozen harmful habits. I was used to social isolation and brewing in my own thoughts all day, which led to regretful failures in school. I did establish a few, fragile relationships, but I struggled to maintain them, seeing myself as worthless and deserving of my lonely state. Even now, retrospectively, I have to remind myself that my feelings back then weren't my fault. I was blessed with at least an understanding that I wasn't the only one who felt this way but had no support system. Though I still often lapse into bouts of depression and have to battle anxiety daily, I’ve found success, pride, and gratefulness for being able to conquer and cope with mental illness. My experience in therapy guided me to create a healthy way of thinking about my growth. I don’t blame myself, at least not excessively, anymore, and I find joy and beauty in little things. I credit myself in this journey, as I’ve been determined to see the world in a brighter light, for bringing me a more stable peace of mind. I think about my future often, work hard in school for a bright college and career experience, and make goals that I really feel are possible. I have resolved to allow my own growth, healthily cope with the waves of darkness, and re-establish brightness in my life. I want to prevent those around me from feeling the way I did.

CONNECTIONS: Shrink Honey Wane Mint Fresh Fade Pollen Waffle Decline New Open Venom Wax Full Halfway Late Name of Category: Answers: Decrease Decline, Fade, Shrink, Wane Things Bees Produce Honey, Pollen, Venom, Wax _____ House Halfway, Open, Waffle, Full Late Recent, Fresh, Mint, New When creating this, I wanted to use the words "wane", "wax", "full", and "new" in separate categories to trick players into thinking one of the categories was "moon phases," so I based the categories around those four words. I placed "wane" in a synonymous category, along with decline, fade, and shrink, to the meaning "Decrease" as a category. I made "wax" a part of a bee-related category, along with honey, pollen, and venom, in the category "Things Bees Produce." I put "full" along with halfway, open, and waffle to be preceding words to "[blank] House." And finally, I put "new" along with mint, fresh, and recent to be synonymous with the category "Late." I tried to make other words in some of the categories relate to each other to confuse players. One confusion could be choosing "waffle," "mint," and "honey," for a "food" category but not having a fourth word. I love to play connections and honestly always wanted to make one. I thought this was a pretty challenging creation, so I hope it's good!

When I was a kid I loved to write about anything and everything. I've never been the best at coming up with original stories, but I loved to write anything down, swirling my letters and using big words with definitions I probably didn't know at all. I suppose I wanted to write so badly because I loved to read so much, but by the time I started writing essays in school, I loved to use creative structures and formats. Ever since, I've found I'm much better at writing when I'm given something to write about, and I've excelled in most of my English classes just because of my love for writing, learning all the special methods and features of writing to improve my performance. English classes have probably affected me the most throughout my schooling so far, and I will forever be grateful to all the English teachers who gave me criticism and feedback on my writing skills and who allowed me to show my creativity. I've appreciated the rigorous courses as well that have challenged my writing skills and seriously improved my work. I've written essays analysing books or short stories, comparing articles, researching specific topics, and more. I also do personal writing, which recently I've preferred, expressing myself through journalling and sometimes even poetry, though I don't find I have any particular talent in artistic writing. I love writing because I feel that anyone can use it to express themselves. I think that writing is a great way to understand someone's perspective and way of thinking, and I love to consider this when reading other's work, but also comparing it to my own. There are many writers I look up to, out of my writing genre and range, that inspire me because of how unique their experience in life is. I want to further my education to prove that I can grow and become a more strong, successful person. I have goals to be a highly achieved and happy person in an artistic career that I can help people in. Writing used to be my career goal; I dreamt of being an author. However, I've discovered so many different things that interest me since I was young, and I love to discover new paths and let myself explore. I'd like to think that maybe I will end up writing, maybe in research for my other interests, or just as a side hobby online. Overall, I rely on writing to express and understand myself, as well as understand others and the world around me and want to continue my education to keep growing and reach my goals.

I view sustainability as a way of life, not just a cause I support. In my daily life, I intentionally choose options that I've decided are realistic to my lifestyle and can help contribute to global sustainability. First of all, I advocate for sustainability and mindfulness whenever I get the chance. I know that not everyone will listen, but I also know that some people are simply ignorant, and repetition can create habits. So, I always encourage my friends and family to follow my steps and do the small things that contribute to environmental friendliness. For example, I always try to give advice to peers about fast fashion and buying from industries that profit off of destroying the earth, encouraging them to avoid them if possible. Specifically, my daily sustainable habits include: conserving water and energy, walking or using public transport, composting, growing my own food, buying local/organic, avoiding buying new things, avoiding buying plastic and one-use items, repurposing items, and recycling. Many of these habits are habits that my household have taught me, but I've contributed as well, for example, I started my house's compost bin again after we had given up on it. My family does struggle to keep some of these habits, such as growing food, as they require a lot of time, energy, and money, but we put our best efforts forward to help the earth. It's easy for us to reuse and repurpose because we are a crafty household, so I find myself reusing newspaper as dropcloth for painting, or making a gift-box out of old cardboard. Being frugal by nature, it's also easy to avoid fast fashion and the allure of trending products. We typically buy second-hand from local thrift stores if we need anything. I think these things, even the small ones, are very effective. Even when I doubt their actual impact on the environment, I remind myself that they help me stay mindful and focused on the purpose. While I believe the modern consumer, the every-day citizen is NOT at fault for the atrocities that man-kind has inflicted on our planet, I think it's important to reduce my carbon-footprint to show the big industries what I really want. I don't want the new trendy product that releasing toxins, I want clean air, clean water, and a clean conscience. I believe that we really need to show these companies that we WON'T stand for their reckless behavior. This is our only home and we need to protect it.

"Art is life, life is art - the question is what came first?" Lady Gaga. I believe that art is a core aspect of society, one reason that humanity holds itself up. Art is used for expression, education, awareness, revolution, love, among many other things, but in it's depths it is simply a release, a release that humanity NEEDS. "Art is not always about pretty things, it's about who we are, what happened to us, and how our lives are affected." Elizabeth Broun. I consider myself an artist because creative expression seeps into all that I do. I use art to let go of my anger and my pain and I use it to hold my joy and excitement. I rely on my creative expression and it makes me who I am as a person. I believe everyone has a little bit of an artist within them, yet they limit themselves. Society boxes art into aestheticism, into what looks good to the conventional eye, but art is so much more than that. There are no rules to art, there should be no convention. As a society, we judge what we think is out of place, it's what we know, but I believe that exposure to art allows people within society to gradually step away from judgments and hate, and fully accept their individual artistic self. "I paint flowers so they will not die." Frida Kahlo. Art is an act of preservation. Monet's ponds and flowers are long gone by now, but they still exist in frames. The sculptures made with such dedication by the greeks are crumbling, but David's face will be engraved in my mind forever. The lives of so many oblivious people were captured by talented hands and eyes, to become the most famous faces centuries later. Art preserves love, loyalty, and beauty and creates such rippling impacts on society that the works are completely unforgettable. "I thought I would be understood without words." Vincent Van Gogh. Art is, I believe, the only way to express yourself in modern society with all its rules and judgments. Art leaves everything to interpretation. To understand art is to hear its meaning directly from the artist, nearly impossible. I believe interpretive art is one of the most important aspects of the medium. One person might dismiss the blue curtains, "It's just a color," while another remembers their depressive state in a room with blue curtains. Being misunderstood is something that all individuals must deal with, no matter how much we year to be fully known. I think it's a beautiful, bittersweet thing. The openness of artistic interpretation helps people understand their role to never be understood, that they metaphorically stand alone, as does everyone. "Perfectionism is the enemy of art: it stifles the creative impulse." Julia Cameron. The struggle of making "good" art is a growing experience, one that really brings art to affect a person's life. I believe that everyone should experience this struggle, to defeat perfectionism in order to fully accept themselves as an imperfect person and an imperfect artist. Even seeing imperfect art is enough to defeat the norms and conventions in someone's mind. I know personally, I've always struggled to accept myself as a good artist, until I realized I don't even need to put a pencil to paper, I am an artist in all that I do. Overall, I think art is important to society because everyone is an artist, expressing themselves and growing in imperfection. "I don't think about art when I'm working. I try to think about life." Jean-Michel Basquiat

Last week, I realized I hadn't thought about dying in an awful long time. A year ago, I would have considered suicidal thoughts an undeniable and inescapable part of me. Also last week, I volunteered to be the first to present the big final project in front of my class and on camera, and I didn't break down or even stutter that much. It's been 6 months since my last appointment with my therapist. I haven't even thought about my own mental health very much. All this to say, my past year has been a pivotal point in time for my mental health progress; my relationships, with myself, others, and the world, have changed immensely. Depression, anxiety, addiction, and bipolar disorder all run in my family, and I've always feared I would inherit them all and turn into a horrifying creature made up of all the traits I hated the most in my loved ones, yet recently, I've gone about with only optimism and hope for personal growth. I was generally happy and careless growing up, only hindered by an anxiety that I couldn't quite put into words for my questioning parents, who contributed permanent damage with alcoholism and mania. I believe I aged quicker than I should have. My childhood imagination seemed to have metamorphosed into a world of self-doubt and dark thoughts. The pandemic was an extreme turn of events in the way I developed. The quarantine first appeared to me--irresponsible and lacking in self-awareness--as a vacation, but I failed to realize the permanent harm that was disguised in this gift. By the time I re-entered school, freshman year, I had lost all of my social skills and gained a dozen harmful habits. I was used to social isolation and brewing in my own thoughts all day, which led to regretful failures in school. I did establish a few, fragile relationships, but I struggled to maintain them, seeing myself as worthless and deserving of my lonely state. Even now, retrospectively, I have to remind myself that my feelings back then weren't my fault. I was blessed with at least an understanding that I wasn't the only one who felt this way but had no support system. Though I still often lapse into bouts of depression and have to battle anxiety daily, I’ve found success, pride, and gratefulness for being able to conquer and cope with mental illness. My experience in therapy guided me to create a healthy way of thinking about my growth. I don’t blame myself, at least not excessively, anymore, and I find joy and beauty in little things. I credit myself in this journey, as I’ve been determined to see the world in a brighter light, for bringing me a more stable peace of mind. I think about my future often, work hard in school for a bright college and career experience, and make goals that I really feel are possible. I have resolved to allow my own growth, healthily cope with the waves of darkness, and re-establish brightness in my life. I want to prevent those around me from feeling the way I did.